To refuse to let my MIL bring her own kettle when she visits?

[BiscuitHammer]

Bit of a silly one maybe but it’s causing actual rows so here goes.

MIL is coming to stay for the weekend (joy) and she’s announced she’s bringing her own kettle because apparently ours “tastes funny”. I genuinely don’t know what that even means?? It’s just a normal Breville one from Argos. She says she can “taste the plastic” and it “ruins tea” which is ridiculous because we’ve had it over a year and no one else has ever complained.

I told her she’s being dramatic and she got in a strop. DH is now saying I should just let her bring it to keep the peace but I think it’s rude. Like sorry but turning up at someone’s house with your own appliances is a bit much isn’t it? What next, her own toaster? Portable shower?

I get she’s particular about tea (she only drinks loose leaf and swears PG Tips gives her headaches) but still. We’re not a bloody hotel.

AIBU to put my foot down and tell her to use ours or not bother?

(For context she also once brought her own pillow and sugar. Make of that what you will.)

As she's generally particular about her tea, I wouldn't give it much thought, tbh. It's all of a piece with loose tea, a nice china pot, (which you pre-warm) sugar tongs and everything else that turns a cup of tea into Tea as a Ritual. However, I'm coming from the perspective of someone who likes my tea so weak you can barely taste the leaf at all. I can't be relied on to make what someone else calls a decent cuppa - your MiL would probably regard me as a heathen 😁

I told her she’s being dramatic and she got in a strop.

I think you're the one being dramatic over something so trivial 🤷‍♂️

My kettle (steel, Sage) made the water taste horrible when we first got it, but was ok after a couple of days. Did your mum maybe drink out of your kettle when it was new?

to understand the science behind tongue and tastebuds, you will need to look it up online. Yes, some people do perceive tastes differently . As a simple example, I can't abide the sourness of lemons, whilst others love it . Before you criticise, check your facts.

I would just let her crack on. There are many variables - the kettle, exact temperature it heats to, the water going in it, if there’s any existing limescale, even atmosphere are all variables- don’t take it personally just let her get on with it. She will not be able to recreate her home tea experience exactly.

Tell her she needs to get it PAT tested before you’ll have it through the door 🤣

Yes it’s ridiculous but in the grand scheme of things it’s really no big deal. Let her get on with it and roll your eyes inwardly.

Is this really worth the anxiety and stress it is causing? My DM is similar with her tea and I just roll my eyes in private and move on. In my opinion it is just not worth the battle.

FWIW I always bring my own pillow when I travel because I sleep better. Not sure why this is an odd thing for you to be upset over though.

I'm in another country at the minute and the tea is bad. I wish I'd brought my own kettle! Although I think it's the water that's the problem. I honestly can't wait to get home and have a cup of 'my' tea. I understand this post is of no use to you OP x

Leave her to get the kettle, her special tea and she will be in charge or her own cuppas.

So glad most people I meet in real life are nicer than most people I meet on Mumsnet!

I would shrug and maybe be a little curious on this and then forget all about it. So what if she brings her kettle. My MIL rarely visits unfortunately but when she does she brings her honey and bananas, items we would always have. Doesn't bother me.

Let it go but make a note of it. It will be a handy little story for your memoirs or for after her funeral. Hopefully many years away.

I would definitely be sneaking a bit of salt into her kettle.

How would you stop her using her own kettle?

Why are you being mean? Leave the woman alone, its a kettle.

She's insane obviously but just put yours away while she's there and use hers - unless her kettle makes the tea taste funny to you!

I feel like I've found my people here. I also bring my own pillow whenever possible. I also have gasp a silk pillowcase.

We're weird and dramatic and ridiculous but we're comfortable.

One of my dearest friends always brings her own pillow when she visits. I don’t take it personally. She is particular about pillows; as a family, we aren’t. Wouldn’t bother me if she brought a kettle.

This is about your MIL, not you; why are you taking it as a personal insult? It’s not as if she’s said she’s bringing all her own food because she hates your cooking. As PPs have said, not a battle to pick; not a hill to die on.

As someone said upthread, unless she lives nearby (which I assume she doesn't) it's probably the water. Just let her get on with it.

Could you tell her that her hoover is much better than yours and ask her to bring that too?

She’s not being rude. She’s family, she can say she doesn’t like the taste from your kettle. It’s hardly a personal insult ffs. You are either extremely sensitive to have taken this personally, or very controlling to want to force her to have tea she doesn’t like as much.

I know it’s bonkers but I know what she means! My mums kettle tastes like this weird chemical taste - but not always! So have come to think it may be her old least pipes - so I always run her tap for a while before filling up. I think it may be that more than the kettle - in my mum’s case anyway - not sure if you’ve got old water pipes?

I feel for you OP. I remember this well, the constant criticism, the distasteful sneer as my ex-mil pushed my possessions contemptuously to one side.

The "Oh, have you still got that ghastly tv/kettle/crockery/bed" next time she visited.

The repeated offers to ex to take him shopping to get something decent, while* she eyed me disdainfully.*

If that's the background, I get it. I found going to stay with a friend helpful and denied her the opportunity for spite.

Pg tips is a horrible tea bag. So I’d have no issue with her bringing her own tea bags and I take my own pillow if I can

The kettle thing is a bit odd but I’d let it go

It's fairly common knowledge that the taste of water varies from place to place, but you took that personally did you? You figured she was blaming you somehow for the water in your area tasting different to that where she lives?

You and the OP have very fragile egos.