What was the agreement when you became pregnant and it was decided that you would not earn money and support him in his building up his business?
You must have talked about it.
I was, still am I guess a SAHM, but as we have teens and H is looking towards early retirement, there is little point in my reentering the workforce. So have some experience with this balance of life work.
We were married before our first came along, we were also renting, when we got a mortgage it was his salary and my deposit, teamwork, neither could have done this alone.
They are our assets, our pensions and our kids.
My H might now earn almost all the cash money, but he wouldn't be where he is now without my support. He can spend whatever time he needs on his work because he doesn't have to wash and dry his clothes, sort anything out for school or medical issues for the kids, he might pay the mortgage but I keep the house mould free, clean, no dust, healthy, he might be the one at work but he doesn't need to spend a couple of hours cooking healthy food to keep him alive and well. He never had to take a day off for child sickness or juggle pick up and childcare, all his free time at home was his to be a dad and husband.
But this was all thrashed out before we had our first child. What was expected from the both of us.
So what was the agreement to you giving up work, with no marriage certificate, supporting not actually yet H into building up HIS, should be our, business?
Do you get shares in the business? Are you going to be a named inactive partner with access to bank accounts or an employee? In time with your NI stamp paid (not necessary until youngest is 12 but something to aim for).
Does he understand the luxury of you at home, how that makes his life easy.
Are you on any legal documents, mortgage/deeds of the house? Has he done a will, just in case, you are not married any money assets he has would not come to you right now unless it's legally written down.
You have brought two children into this world, and taking wills and death is hard, emotionally, but as you are parents you need to start acting like grown ups now and talk these things through. You are in a precarious position financially, unless of course you have already thrashed these things out.
And this is before you get onto the emotional side of being upset of not getting a takeaway drink, because it's not about the drink, it's about not being able to have a shower, feeling alone with your parenting, his seemingly dismissal of any of your needs or anything you do for him.
So you should be able to talk about anything, you have made two people who need you both to be a team.
If nothing else you OP, need to thrash out your financial and legal position, you need to know now if he intends on keeping all that HE builds up for himself and make your decisions accordingly. If you need to go back to work you should do it sooner rather than later, once baby is off breast, able to go to childcare. Childcare you pay percentage wise according to income. Sick days, school pick ups they will need to be 50/50 if you are both working.
If he wants the luxury of spending all the time he needs working building up a business he has to understand he doesn't get that for free, he has to support you supporting him and he has to make sure you are financially covered as well, he should want to, being the mother of his children.
Look at the fact he didn't get you a drink as a catalyst to have a reset of how you are going to proceed going forward. Once you all know where you stand and legalities are put in place you can move forward enjoying being a family, because you are going to be a family now for years and years however that looks, the children dictate that. So how's it going to be going forward?