Unexpected visitors - rude or not?

[LA2025]

Not everyone is the same I get it, I was brought up to believe it was bad manners to turn up unannounced at somebody’s home and expect to be invited in.

My husband’s friend and wife have now done this twice in the last two weeks. The first time we were out and spoke to them over the ring camera, I did politely say ‘if you’d had called ahead I could have told you we were out, give us a call next time’ meanwhile they had riled our dogs up and saw them having a good ole nosey on the ring camera. Yesterday - Sunday morning they did it again! My husband said it was awkward as I didn’t let them in but I don’t see why I should keep ignoring my boundaries for rude people. It was on the guise they wanted to ask a question (already answered in several text messages that morning). My teenage daughter was in her pjs in the living room(she wouldn’t be comfortable like that in front of visitors ) I’d just got back from food shopping and was trying to put it away. Is it too hard to send a text and say ‘is it ok to pop round in half hour?’ Daughter could have got dressed, I could have finished putting my shopping away, could have the shut dogs away (these particular people tend to get the dogs over excited). It’s really frustrating me! I even give my mom a courtesy call to say ‘I’m popping round if that’s ok’ . I honestly can’t imagine turning up unannounced- people could be in the shower, in the middle of something, already have guests, not actually want to see me 😅😅- multitude of reasons ! This was our first Sunday morning in months we were all at home and able to ‘chill’ .

Some people have an open door policy and that’s great for them if they’re happy with it. I just wasn’t brought up like that and I suppose it’s carried through to adulthood with me. I don’t know what else I can say to these people without coming across as even ruder. (I could see they weren’t impressed at not being invited in- so it may come up next time I see them) . Does anyone else feel like this?

Take a chill pill you absolutely unhinged loon 😅😆😂

Bit much!

Disagree. She sounded positively bonkers to me, it did make me laugh though.😅😂

To me a five minute phone call can make all the difference just to check if someone is available. They could be at work, have visitors, going out, anything.

I have been on the end of unexpected visitors and it does place you in a very awkward position. I used to be friends with someone who used to live in the area I still live in. She moved away. Didn't hear from her in absolutely years, then one day she just turned up, without any warning. After that first visit, I gave her my phone number again and said "call me", thinking she might have lost my number. After all it had been several years. But she kept doing it. The final time she did it, I finally lost my patience with her, and I said to her I was going out! I had to get my Dad to take me round the block in the car just to make it look like I was going out. I never saw or heard from her from that day to this. I have never confessed what I really did. A five minute phone call is all it takes to make a huge difference. That visitee could be off to work, picking up the kids, off on holiday, or a concert or maybe they're just not well. All we ask for is a little courtesy and consideration.

I hate it! This thread is making me want to permanently close my curtains and blinds and take the battery out of the doorbell!

I dont think theres anything wrong with turning up on the off chance. As long as youre OK with it not being convenient to be invited in.

If I knew I wanted to pop and see someone, id just ask. But if I was in the area and thought oh ill knock see if they're free, and they weren't, even if that was putting their shopping away, id not think anything of it because I showed up without notice.

However I also think theres nothing wrong in not liking that catching you unexpectedly.

I know theres talk of "boundaries" on this thread, but is it a boundary or preference? If DD was dressed and the shopping was away would you have let them in? The truth is if you feel so strongly that it impacts your friendship, you're so annoyed they showed up unannounced you might have to say that. "Oh we're out, if youd called first id have told you and saved you the trip". I think you're expecting them to mind read a bit there, and at best were passive aggressive.

Just say, I dont like it when you show up unannounced, it riles the dogs and sometimes I already have plans. Could you call ahead and check please? Or something similar so they know

As a child we’d have so many of my parents friends turned up unannounced, I had no choice as it was my parents house but as an adult I do like to have notice, a lovely friend of mine always turns up unexpectedly and as much as I love seeing her it’s always at a time when I’m making or serving dinner or about to have a lie down, it knocks me out of sync.
it is mildly annoying

My brother contacted me earlier and asked if it was OK to come round this afternoon as he's in the area. And that was all it took was a simple phone call just to ask if i was in! I wish more people were like that. Also, I need to hide a family photo of him with his ex partner in it, away from his new partner. She knows the picture is an old one, but all the same it's awkward!

It's very presumptuous to just arrive without asking first. It's like saying I'm just going to fit you in when it's convenient to me regardless of your plans. If people turn up without arranging it in advance they carnt come in, just a quick chat on the doorstep. Just because I'm home it dosrnt mean you can invite my privacy and boundaries.

No i don't think unannounced visitors are rude. I think its bizarre people want notice for a visitor...

Calling ahead or arranging a visit Is something i've only heard of on here, i don't know anyone IRL who behaves like this.

You'd despair of my family, OP... they all have keys for each other's houses, so they just all wander in and put the kettle on!

To be fair, I was not a fan of relatives turning up when I was still in bed, or in my pyjamas, and expecting me to host them as a teenager. Thankfully, I now live sufficiently far away that they do let me know beforehand, as it's a long trip there and back in a day, let alone if I'm not in.