Unexpected visitors - rude or not?

[LA2025]

Not everyone is the same I get it, I was brought up to believe it was bad manners to turn up unannounced at somebody’s home and expect to be invited in.

My husband’s friend and wife have now done this twice in the last two weeks. The first time we were out and spoke to them over the ring camera, I did politely say ‘if you’d had called ahead I could have told you we were out, give us a call next time’ meanwhile they had riled our dogs up and saw them having a good ole nosey on the ring camera. Yesterday - Sunday morning they did it again! My husband said it was awkward as I didn’t let them in but I don’t see why I should keep ignoring my boundaries for rude people. It was on the guise they wanted to ask a question (already answered in several text messages that morning). My teenage daughter was in her pjs in the living room(she wouldn’t be comfortable like that in front of visitors ) I’d just got back from food shopping and was trying to put it away. Is it too hard to send a text and say ‘is it ok to pop round in half hour?’ Daughter could have got dressed, I could have finished putting my shopping away, could have the shut dogs away (these particular people tend to get the dogs over excited). It’s really frustrating me! I even give my mom a courtesy call to say ‘I’m popping round if that’s ok’ . I honestly can’t imagine turning up unannounced- people could be in the shower, in the middle of something, already have guests, not actually want to see me 😅😅- multitude of reasons ! This was our first Sunday morning in months we were all at home and able to ‘chill’ .

Some people have an open door policy and that’s great for them if they’re happy with it. I just wasn’t brought up like that and I suppose it’s carried through to adulthood with me. I don’t know what else I can say to these people without coming across as even ruder. (I could see they weren’t impressed at not being invited in- so it may come up next time I see them) . Does anyone else feel like this?

I also hate being put on the spot when you have a nice evening planned with Dh maybe a film on and a glass of wine poured and then someone turns up out of the blue and blows your plans up and just comes in and sits there for an unknown amount of time.

😅 My home isn't ever close to being visitor ready whatever that means. My friends and family know the kids have stuff everywhere, its clean but can be messy. Who cares though? I couldn't give two hoots what anyone else thinks of the way we choose to live.

I too believe it is extremely entitled to assume dropping in to someone will be welcome.

My children wouldn't be impressed either.
Their friends even text when they are calling in.

A person's home is a private place and no one has to apologise for wanting the courtesy of being checked with, if visiting suits.

Anyone who doesn't get that really isn't welcome.

This is me - pls text in advance!!

So what happens if someone wants to make sure they won’t be disturbed that afternoon for whatever reason? Do they lock all their doors, draw the curtains & put a BUSY notice up?

But you understand some of us do care, right?

Doesn't sound like they were particular friends of the OP's though. Nothing worse than being hi jacked into making inane conversation with people you barely know, in your own home.

I honestly think there are many, many worse things than having to extend a little hospitality.

I hate people turning up unannounced. There have been times I've been so unprepared that I've just pretended to be out, although that's not so easy if there's a lot of people in the house. Even my most disorganised friend gives me at least an hour's notice.

How "prepared" do you feel it's necessary to be? It sounds like a very stressful way to live?

My in-laws used to "pop in" without warning even though they lived nearly an hour away. I was studying for accountancy exams and studied in the evening Monday to Thursday (and at the weekend when exams were looming) keeping weekends free for fun and DIY on our doer upper home. They didn't learn until the day they sat outside our house waiting for us to come back for over an hour - we were at a friend's BBQ all afternoon.

So clean up, rather than quaking behind your curtains when you hear the doorbell?

Sure there are, but we do need a break from posting about Palestine, Donald Trump, women's rights, cost of living etc sometimes.
It is perfectly allowable to moan about things considered fairly minor in the scheme of things.

Who is quaking?
Honestly, the levels of misrepresentation and hyperbole on here.

“Quaking”? Have you been out in the sun too long?

I just don’t like unexpected visitors! And I certainly don’t want to spend my entire free time hoovering and dusting just in case someone might decide to pop over out of the blue.

Do you know what would make it less stressful? If people didn’t just turn up unannounced.

I grew up where family and friends doors were always open, my nana even left her window open at night time incase any of the grandkids wanted to stay after a night out, I'd often come home to a cousin or friend drinking tea in the sitting room , someone would always be passing through the front or back door no one really cared tbh then again I'm from a small irish village were people are just chilled out

Why can't you accept that it's perfectly acceptable to prefer not to have unexpected visitors to your own fecking home??

You do you. Don't dictate or ridicule others preferences.

I'm sure you like things that I'd find derisory or downright peculiar.

I’m sure I’m in the minority but I’m really not down with the constant ‘boundary setting’. Feels to me like we’re instigating a whole extra set of rules to make life even more complicated.

Where’s the complicated part of “Please don’t come around unannounced”?

Extremely rude, audacious, entitled and selfish.
I know this is Mumsnet, but I am of such character and of a position definitely not to open my door. And happy to justify it to myself.

Of course

I always think these people who don’t mind visitors turning up unannounced, must not have greasy hair that needs washing every single morning. Sometimes at the weekend I don’t want to shower until later in the day and I’d be mortified to have someone turn up before I look clean. Ditto with tidying up.

So why be snitty about someone wanting to discuss it then?

My SIL has a key to my parents’ house. She walked in once when I was visiting, heard me bitching about her to my mum 😂. That’s a multi-layered level of wrong there!

I think back in the day when women would more frequently be SAHM and a home wouldn’t be upside down more often than not, and there was more leisure time for everyone, popping round unannounced probably wasn’t such an imposition. These days, when every weekend hour counts, it is a big deal. Hence the generational issue/ north-south issue (maybe).