To accept a job at another school because a teacher I line manage is so emotionally fragile that I can’t take it anymore?

[HonestTealPoster]

She breaks down on me regularly - crying, panicking, overwhelmed almost every day. I’ve tried to support her as best I can but it’s become emotionally draining and has started affecting my own wellbeing.

I feel guilty for even saying this but I don’t think I can be around it much longer - I’m not a counsellor and the weight of it is starting to make me dread coming in. A new opportunity has come up at another school and I’m tempted to take it just for peace of mind.

AIBU to consider leaving because of this?

Have you spoken to LT about your concerns? I would tell them directly that this is impacting on your wellbeing and you feel the person needs professional support. If she's that distressed is she actually medically fit for work? Has she had an occupational health referral?

It's not you, it's her.

Teaching isn't for everyone. Is YOUR line manager aware of the pressure you're under because of her? Can you get support to line manage her out?

Fire her, she should be leaving not you

You’re a teacher, not a psychotherapist!! If she is struggling this much, she needs some proper professional help. There is only so much you can do and this really isn’t within your remit (and/or possibly your skill set) to help someone in this state. I would speak to your own line manager and see what can be done, unless, of course, you are so at the end of your tether that a fresh start would be ideal. I am so sorry OP - sounds really tough.

Yes, I’ve raised concerns and tried to be supportive but I’m not sure if it’s being taken seriously or maybe they just don’t know what to do with it. I’ve encouraged her to seek professional help but in the meantime, I’m the one absorbing the emotional fallout. I’m reaching my limit and it’s not sustainable. I wish I didn’t feel this way but I do.

Can you ask if can swop with someone ksr who you line manage. It sounds like she is suffering with mental illness/extreme stress, but you also need to protect your mental health, so sharing/swopping responsibility with another teacher might help.

Signpost her to her GP and gently tell her she needs to take sickness absence and seek professional health if she isn’t mentally well enough to work. Is there an Employee Assistance programme you can refer her to for counselling?

Is it a better job/school?

If not and you have more than 2 years’ service where you are it doesn’t make much sense to move and have no unfair dismissal rights for 2 years with your new employer, driven by the reasons you give. You have the option to change your responses to and how you and your own line manager handle the situation.

Raise concerns in writing. Tell them it's affecting your wellbeing and that you need someone else to support her so that you can focus on your own role.

Been there done that. I was regularly being pulled out of my own classes to deal with it - in the end, I just told the head that I wasn't doing it any more.

How much control will you have if she also decides her current job is untenable and gets a job at the same one you kove to???

I once worked with someone a bit like that and it is draining!

Like you, SLT knew, we advised seeking other support, tried to offer solutions to her many complaints about various things. Nothing worked and it really impacted me and the wider team.

I actually did leave (not for that reason though!) And it is nice not to have to deal with it every day. I believe she is still there and the same!

In your case, if she will not seek alternative support and your SLT won't support then maybe it is time for a change, but I would be honest about your reasons why with SLT.

I wish you could ask her if she had the Mirena coil. I know someone who was similar and now that the coil is removed, her anxiety has disappeared.

Thanks - I’ve suggested some of those things, including speaking to her GP and accessing support through the school’s wellbeing scheme. But I don’t have the authority to enforce anything and the emotional weight of managing someone in constant distress is really starting to take a toll. I feel torn between compassion and burnout, which is why I’m seriously considering the move.

I’m still weighing everything up. It’s not necessarily a promotion or pay rise but it is a calmer environment and a fresh start, which feels tempting given how much emotional strain I’ve been under. I’ve tried different approaches with support, boundaries and involving my own manager but I’m finding it harder and harder to stay resilient. I know it’s not ideal to move just for peace but when that peace is what’s at stake, it’s hard to ignore.

Dealt with similar situation and tbh you need to remove yourself from situation as does emotionally take toll.
I started with taking the person directly to higher management each time. If higher management wasnt available id take them to staff room, give them a drink and tell them i needed to get on with x,y and to go back to work when they were ready.

Honestly… that’s crossed my mind too. I can’t control where she applies or what she decides but I also can’t base my career decisions on hypotheticals. Right now, I just know this situation isn’t sustainable for me and I need to prioritise my own wellbeing, whatever comes next.

I wouldn't leave a job because of one person, you need to set some boundaries - turn her away - write to both her and the SLT and tell them your concerns and that you cannot be responsible for her, you are not a trained counsellor etc and suggest either she or the SLT put in better support.

Just leave. The whole system is dysfunctional if your concerns have been ignored all this time. Your coworker is very distressed and distressing and they simply prefer a sick teacher over finding and training a new one. This is terrible for you and, presumably, the children. Of course the higher ups should act.! But if they won’t then you have to protect yourself. Take the new job! You will feel better in no time!

Kindly this is on you. You need to set firm boundaries, your role is to line manage her, part of that role is to sign post her towards help from qualified or designated individuals should the need arise, there must be a process for duty of care of you are concerned for her well-being, she sounds in a pretty bad way a d has been for a while? Speak to HR/occupational health and higher management urgently to get her appropriate support and start managing her expectations that her overwhelm and stress are things she can flag and discuss with you for the purpose of making plans to deal with it, but you are not actually the person or place TO deal with it and help her work through it. get it documented she is seriously not coping. Talking to you may be enabling her to stay at work and keeping her afloat but having emotional breakdowns with you and you supporting her in that regard is not your role in an ongoing basis and not doing either of you any good at all. Your job here is that she comes and tells you she's not coping or distressed you find out why, deal with any bits that are your remit and point her towards help for the bits that are not.

Is there anything you can put in place on her behalf that would actually help her? Remove her from a particular class that she isn’t coping with or help her with her classroom management skills? Her whinging and crying to you isn’t very productive or going to change anything. Can you be a bit clearer with her about your role as a manager and conversely where she needs to go to for emotional support and then enforce those boundaries?

Every time she comes in to your room and is upset, either call in management or gently escort her to the management team. Then hand her over.

Every time it happens, hand her off to someone else. Make this their problem to manage.

It can be done gently and with empathy, but you don't need to manage this for her.

I’ve done most of what you’ve suggested - I’ve raised concerns, encouraged her to speak to her GP, signposted her to our employee wellbeing support, and flagged the situation with senior staff. The issue is, despite all that, the emotional burden still lands heavily on me day to day, and it’s starting to take a toll.

I absolutely get that part of my role is managing her performance and wellbeing to an extent but as you said, I’m not a counsellor. I think what I’m grappling with now is the toll of constant exposure to someone in crisis. It’s not just about systems and referrals anymore - it’s about how much I can actually absorb on a human level without burning out myself.

Your feelings of guilt are part of the problem. You are not a support human for her or anyone else and there is no reason to feel guilty about prioritising your own well being.

By all means leave, I think you should, but I think you should also recognise you will have to discourage trauma dumping from unstable people in the future, because there will always be someone with problems looking to latch onto someone who can be dumped upon.

It's not cruel or unfair to say this, and it's not wishing any harm on her or saying she is being harmful to you on purpose - she's probably just too wrapped up in her own issues to realise how unfair she is being.

It's just reality. You can't fix her, but she might manage to break you.

A line manager can't just fire a teacher!

You need to talk to SLT about this, OP. It's not fair that you should feel you have to leave.

I’ve actually made some adjustments to her timetable already and offered support around classroom strategies but the emotional side of things continues to dominate our interactions. I’ve also been really clear about where my role ends and where professional support is needed, I’ve encouraged her to speak to her GP and reminded her of the wellbeing services available.

The issue is, despite all this, the emotional overwhelm still ends up with me, often daily and it’s starting to feel unsustainable. I’m trying to balance compassion with boundaries but it’s reached a point where I’m questioning whether I can realistically keep absorbing this without it affecting my own mental health.