Nursery hand over comment. Would you complain?

[Evelyynn]

Btw I’m not the parent. Or the nursery practitioner.

If your child was handed over to you, and the practitioner said ‘’we’ve had to have a chat with childs name today, as she hasn’t been using kind words to staff and has had a bit of an attitude’’. Would this be something you’d complain the manager about, the use of the word ‘attitude’? The child is 3.

From time to time, at the end of a busy and tiring day, I understand that a practitioner may use such language; I wouldn't condone it, as it seems unprofessional to me, but I do understand it. However, I would also say that I suspect the behaviour has been ongoing and hasn't just been a single incident on a single day. If it was just one day, I suspect the nursery would have been tolerant and patient. Parents/carers are usually only approached when the behaviour is frequent. We also have to remember that nursery practitioners are often young, and are paid minimum wage. This may affect the calibre of workers recruited.

I suspect that the nursery worker would have liked to have said that the child was both rude, and unrepentant.

The other hundreds of children I’ve taught don’t seem to have thought so. Attitudes like yours are part of the problem in schools. Some children aren’t neurodiverse, aren’t struggling with the content, aren’t being bullied. Some, especially teenagers, are just naughty and/or lazy,

No 3 year old is “rude” or “unpleasant”.

No.

Your friend's being a real asshole because she doesn't like hearing her kid was being bratty, even in a diplomatic way. Her parenting is lacking.

Of course they are! Perhaps not always on purpose (though it often is), but they can be very rude and unpleasant. If you don't nip it in the bud they will continue to be rude and unpleasant.

I wholeheartedly disagree.

Based upon what?

This.

I actually can’t even get my head around thinking a toddler was “rude”. Imagine taking offence at something a toddler does or says for not following the conventions of politeness 😂. Some people are so very odd.

Your friend should be prepared for that meeting to not go the way she expects it to go....

So based on nothing then. I can only assume you've never even met a 3yo.

Ha! It depends on the toddlers you have been around. I know one 3 y old who regularly said "i'm gonna poke you in the eye" and waving when not getting what he wanted. A girl the same age who rolled her eyes and said I hate you at 3. It depends on maturity and environment.

Based on basic insight into child development. I have multiple children, one of whom is currently 3.

My 3yos current favorite thing to say is "you're a dumbo head". He's most definitely being rude and unpleasant on purpose. Albeit adorably and harmlessly.

I don't believe you. But ok.

Oh dear.

It sounds like your friend is going to be 'one of those parents....' 🙄

How very odd.

I'd be less worried about "complaining to the manager" and more worried about my child not being kind, using bad words and being a little twat. I'd be mortified.

So you simultaneously think it’s rude and unpleasant but also adorable and harmless? Makes no sense. A three year old calling someone an dumbo head def is the latter.

So you think because none of your 3 children were rude at 3 that it's impossible 😆. My two DS weren't either, I would say they were too immature to be rude on purpose and they also got taught how to behave at home. The rudest 3 year olds I have met were also the most intelligent - can't back up that with any statistics other than my experience having worked in nurseries.

Gosh. If you can't grasp that a sentence can simultaneously be rude and adorable becuase he is so little then I can't help you.

Well perhaps the oldest of your multiple children is still 3 and you haven't dealt with the consequences of ignoring rudeness from a 3 year old yet.

I’m saying I cannot fathom finding something a 3 year old says “rude”. For someone to find something rude it implies that offence was at least received, (and usually also intended).
i cannot fathom taking offence at something said by a 3 year old. 3 year olds have extremely limited understandings of social conventions, they have limited control over impulse and behaviour and they are also still learning fairly basic language ffs! When a 3 year old speaks they are seeking to communicate , authentically expressing a feeling/ observation , or they are copying / practicing/ learning from others. They will have limited or no deliberation about how someone else might receive their words and feel before they speak - they simply do not have that level of impulse control or theory of mind. What on earth would be the reason to receive offence?

I truly cannot grasp how you could find your 3 year old calling you a “dumbo head” rude and unpleasant. Baffling to me: