Nursery hand over comment. Would you complain?

[Evelyynn]

Btw I’m not the parent. Or the nursery practitioner.

If your child was handed over to you, and the practitioner said ‘’we’ve had to have a chat with childs name today, as she hasn’t been using kind words to staff and has had a bit of an attitude’’. Would this be something you’d complain the manager about, the use of the word ‘attitude’? The child is 3.

‘She does get away with a lot, for example bad behaviour when we went out shopping once, and she was ‘rewarded’ and got to pick a toy to ‘keep her quiet’ and that’s happened quite a few times’

That is terrible parenting and she is doing the child a great disservice as the child be demanding and acting up at nursery, at school, in social situations etc.

She will quickly find herself being ostracised by other children as she won’t be invited to play dates or parties and will be known as being stroppy and difficult.

Jeez, the friends kid has no hope with a mother like that. Three years can have a terrible attitude, hence the term threenager

It seems more like self-protection. For example, the nursery worker lost her temper with the child and wants to get in there first with the mother to put her version of events across

What a nice little piece of fiction.

Back in the real world, it's very normal and not at all "ominous" (honestly 🙄) for nursery workers to "have words" with children and then discuss this at handover with the parents. We have no idea whether the nursery worker got chance to expand on the specifics of the incident(s) or whether the mother flounced. We are hearing this third hand from someone who wasn't there, on a forum.

FYI the word "ominous" refers to something that is going to happen, or may happen in the future. It's used to describe the threat of something troubling on the horizon. Not only is it extremely melodramatic, but it's just incorrect to use in the context of this situation with the nursery worker.

The nursery worker probably will just ignore the parents batshit comments. The problem is the internal stuff that comes with it. If it were me I'd have to report to my manager and write my account etc and I'd probably find it all upsetting and stressful. However my colleague would just roll her eyes and laugh and get on with life. I know my manager has a low tolerance for stupid parents and will always back us up so she would have a brief meeting, log the paperwork and tell us to keep doing a good job. I guess my point is, the complaint will achieve absolutely nothing only make the staff think the parent is an idiot.

We have an obligation to always put the child first but let's be honest next time mother raises a concern it will be met with cynicism and sometimes things can be dismissed too easily (boy who cried wolf) and a real issue could fall under the radar. So not only will the complaint achieve nothing it could be damaging for the child long term.

Yep. It’s been going on for a while though. I remember moving from a very high achieving grammar school to a deprived local comp about 10 years ago and describing a boy as ‘bone idle’ on parents’ evening. This would have been completely acceptable at the grammar. At the comp? Let’s just say it did not go down well with the mother. I learned very quickly to water down the truth!

I would embarrassed if someone said this to me, no complaints about the staff my issue would be purely focused on my child and my parenting style. Your friend is being very unreasonable.

Is this person actually your friend OP? I wouldn't post something like this about someone I actually liked. You seem to just want confirmation that you're right in thinking she's wrong.

This!!! Primary school teacher here and honestly this is the problem we face. Increasingly some children are coming to school and resist all boundaries because they have none at home.

'Bone idle' isn't the truth, it's an opinion. It's unfactual and subjective. A teacher should know that, surely?

If you have a child of a similar age to your friend's child, OP, I would slowly start backing away from the friendship....

I worked in Scottish secondaries for 40 years. For the about the last 30 yrs I was only allowed to put positive comments in reports.

As I've said on other threads, I sometimes had to resort to "John can work well when he chooses to do so."

Well i did actually qualify it with ‘in my subject’ in which he was, by any measure, bone idle.

Yes I had to do that too. It’s very frustrating, as are comment banks in general!

That's terrible! I'd prefer to know what can be improved on.

It's a very diplomatic way of saying a child is being a bit bratty. That's what 3 year olds do though. My dd2 was so bloody sassy she was the literal embodiment of a threenager! My DGD is the same. Your friend is being ridiculous.

Being a nursery worker, I'd say this is entirely appropriate, some 3 year olds are awful and at least she didn't say they were being a little shit, your friend will be known as the parent none of the staff wants to deal with.

Attitude = "won't do as she's told/asked", right?
Little kids have to be generally cooperative with adults, it's something they all have to learn.

Most reasonable parents would prefer that. Normally, there would also be suggestions for areas of improvement - but these had to be written in a positive manner.

By the time we reach the stage of "...can work well when he chooses to do so..." I can assure you that the parents are well aware of their teenager's behavioural issues. No, I'm not talking about neurodivergence. By 'behavioural issues', I mean that John is a violent thug.

Jesus. What is the problem?

Still, that sort of terminology wouldn't make it onto a factual report 'by any measure' because it is an opinion. Perhaps your teaching style was uninteresting?

She doesn't have an issue with her child's bratty behaviour, just with the staff member who pointed it out?

Excellent.

As an early years practitioner we don’t tell parents half of what their child does, we only speak to a parent if it’s been an ongoing issue, if it’s affecting other children or if we are wanting to know if things have changed at home that may be contributing to the child’s behaviour.

3 year olds should still have boundaries, they shouldn’t be using unkind words etc.

Should we just ignore this behaviour or would you like to work with us to sort this negative behaviour?

how do you want an early years practitioner to deal with this situation if it was your child?

I’m really shocked that any early years practitioner would speak about a 3 year old’s “behaviour” in such a value laden and flattening way.

A three-year-old has v limited control over their behaviour, especially when it comes to strong emotions and impulses. Their brains simply aren’t developed enough to have the kind of deliberation and control for that. Of course children need to be guided and taught through calm and clear boundaries/ structure etc, but there is absolutely no place for labelling a child so young as having an “attitude”or “negative behaviour”. None.

Jesus wept - good luck at school. Issues already at nursery. Poor kid. Nothing wrong with attitude. Probably mum has the same one.

@Blessthismess2 Ridiculous permissive nonsense. You haven't raised a 3 year old have you?