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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Muslim women who dress modestly...

596 replies

TreatTreat · 12/07/2025 18:49

If you're at the beach and you want to paddle in the sea, are you able to roll up your trousers? Genuinely wondering as I saw a muslim family on the beach today having great fun. The kids were paddling in the sea. The women weren't but this question sprung in my head.

OP posts:
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SonK · 12/07/2025 23:27

I am a Muslim women who has just started to cover up and wear a headscarf recently. Before this I wore normal beachwear/ swimwear.

I actually live near a sea in England and I would probably roll up my trousers, or wear swim leggings and a swim t shirt - like a surfer style costume I guess.

On holidays, we book a villa with a private pool where I can wear a bikini or nothing! When we do visit the neighbouring beaches I dress modestly and get on with some reading and leave husband to entertain kids although I take swimwear with me as well.

PollyCreo · 12/07/2025 23:29

Hfox · 12/07/2025 23:02

Your comment reeks of racism and ignorance about other cultures. You couldn’t care less about Muslim women. There are good and bad people in every culture.. there are drunk druggie white men who wouldn’t mind selling their girlfriends for drugs similarly like there are controlling Muslim men who force their women to cover. On the other hand there are solid provider and protector of their families too who are both white black and Muslims so it please broaden your horizons!

Why does it reek of racism and ignorance? I was married to a Muslim man so I have a fair Idea about their culture and how women are treated. But go you and your Take A Break gobshite nonsense 👍

Fridaynightfish · 12/07/2025 23:30

To answer the original question - we were at a UK beach yesterday. A very warm day with lots of people in the sea.

I noticed a family and the women were fully covered - forgive my ignorance as I have no idea what the outfit they had on was called but the women went in to the sea fully clothed. Properly swimming. I later saw them on the beach in the same clothes.

Morgenrot25 · 12/07/2025 23:30

downwiththatsortof · 12/07/2025 23:25

@Morgenrot25 Enlighten us? Is healthy debate a bad thing?

Healthy debate is fine, but there's lots of posts on this apparently innocent thread which aren't that.

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:30

Crazyworldmum · 12/07/2025 22:16

We have just been in Cyprus and went to the local water park where Muslim men and kids played in the pool all day with common swim wear and the mums had to simply wait outside the pool covered head to toe in black .
I think curiosity is very normal , my 8 year old girl had a hard time accepting anyone would choose to be that uncomfortable despite us explaining it was a choice . She is still adamant nobody would do it by real choice . She is quite the mini feminist so very stubborn.

Your daughter isn’t a feminist she’s ignorant. You would do well to teach her to not project her narrow minded views on women she has never spoken to. This why so many women of colour do not subscribe to white/western feminism because it’s all about choice and freedom for all women until a woman comes along who doesn’t dress like you, eat like you or speak like you. Anything remotely alien to what they’re used to must be oppressive and regressive. Not all women need your liberation but on the other hand some basic comprehension…

Morgenrot25 · 12/07/2025 23:32

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:30

Your daughter isn’t a feminist she’s ignorant. You would do well to teach her to not project her narrow minded views on women she has never spoken to. This why so many women of colour do not subscribe to white/western feminism because it’s all about choice and freedom for all women until a woman comes along who doesn’t dress like you, eat like you or speak like you. Anything remotely alien to what they’re used to must be oppressive and regressive. Not all women need your liberation but on the other hand some basic comprehension…

Edited

Exactly.
It's not empowering women to say 'don't do what your husband/religion tells you, do what I tell you'.

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:34

Morgenrot25 · 12/07/2025 23:05

.....based on how this thread has gone, I surely cannot be the only one who realises it's true intent now, can I?

Edited

Yep just another excuse to bash Muslim women.

Fridaynightfish · 12/07/2025 23:34

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:30

Your daughter isn’t a feminist she’s ignorant. You would do well to teach her to not project her narrow minded views on women she has never spoken to. This why so many women of colour do not subscribe to white/western feminism because it’s all about choice and freedom for all women until a woman comes along who doesn’t dress like you, eat like you or speak like you. Anything remotely alien to what they’re used to must be oppressive and regressive. Not all women need your liberation but on the other hand some basic comprehension…

Edited

You know you are referring to a child? Ignorant, narrow minded? Not the best words to describe an inquisitive 8 year old.

When we were on the beach yesterday my children asked about the women who were dressed head to toe in black heavy clothing - it was 26 degrees with no wind. Of course they are going to wonder why someone would chose to wear this type of clothing because there is no way they are comfortable in the heat. That’s not ignorance.

Morgenrot25 · 12/07/2025 23:34

PollyCreo · 12/07/2025 23:29

Why does it reek of racism and ignorance? I was married to a Muslim man so I have a fair Idea about their culture and how women are treated. But go you and your Take A Break gobshite nonsense 👍

To be fair, you were married to one muslim and so know about how he and his family/friends/acquaintances lived. Muslims are a diverse group of people, just like any other religious/ethnic/cultural group of people.

downwiththatsortof · 12/07/2025 23:35

@BluntPlumHam Woah - who says that about a young child? Shocking - the child is allowed her opinion and I for one agree with her. But it's ok for you to bash an 8 year old child - ok then.

lavendarwillow · 12/07/2025 23:39

I don’t think women really freely paddled in the sea in the UK or the US until the 1960s (possibly 50s) without some uncomfortable attire. I am hopeful Muslim women will find their freedom one day.

Sometimeswinning · 12/07/2025 23:40

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:30

Your daughter isn’t a feminist she’s ignorant. You would do well to teach her to not project her narrow minded views on women she has never spoken to. This why so many women of colour do not subscribe to white/western feminism because it’s all about choice and freedom for all women until a woman comes along who doesn’t dress like you, eat like you or speak like you. Anything remotely alien to what they’re used to must be oppressive and regressive. Not all women need your liberation but on the other hand some basic comprehension…

Edited

😂😂😂 I love mumsnet!

Morgenrot25 · 12/07/2025 23:41

lavendarwillow · 12/07/2025 23:39

I don’t think women really freely paddled in the sea in the UK or the US until the 1960s (possibly 50s) without some uncomfortable attire. I am hopeful Muslim women will find their freedom one day.

Full coverage swim wear exists. Women of all religions, shapes or sizes can swim happily in it. 😬

Sometimeswinning · 12/07/2025 23:43

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:34

Yep just another excuse to bash Muslim women.

My best friend who is Muslim will also laugh at you. She doesn’t care who bashed her because of her faith. Because she has faith. Calm down and let people be people.

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:44

Fridaynightfish · 12/07/2025 23:34

You know you are referring to a child? Ignorant, narrow minded? Not the best words to describe an inquisitive 8 year old.

When we were on the beach yesterday my children asked about the women who were dressed head to toe in black heavy clothing - it was 26 degrees with no wind. Of course they are going to wonder why someone would chose to wear this type of clothing because there is no way they are comfortable in the heat. That’s not ignorance.

How is it inquisitive when she’s formed an entire belief about an entire body of women from one look at a stranger on a beach?

I hope you told your children ‘I am not sure’ because clearly you have no idea and that ‘people dress differently for various reasons it may be cultural/religious or even health related’. Most crucially ‘also it is none of our business’.

SonK · 12/07/2025 23:44

On the modesty debate can we all agree that it is entirely subjective?

Not even all Muslim women view modesty objectively - some wear an all black abaya that covers everything from head to toe, and others just wear a scarf then dress normal or however they define modesty. Then there are Muslim women who don't wear a head covering at all.

Even with non Muslim women modesty is entirely subjective.

As a Muslim wearing a headscarf, I love fashion and colour but wouldn't be comfortable wearing a short dress outside (although I used to), however I will alway support women to dress however they want.

In fact the main reason I and many other Muslim women wear a headscarf is because it's part of our identity and simply a religious commitment similar to how Jewish men may wear a kippah.

Also, Islamically it has little to do with modesty as men are told to "lower their gaze" and be respectful of women regardless of what they are wearing.

Think of it this way; if there is a woman wearing a string bikini in Asda people will notice - not just men, but Muslim men are taught to lower their gaze, be respectful and not stare or make her feel uncomfortable.

Most of the issues around modesty are cultural - a common example is blaming rape victims for what they were wearing...which always comes up despite religion.

I think as women we need to realise what true oppression is and be supportive of eachother instead of all this bashing.

WilfredsPies · 12/07/2025 23:46

fourquenelles · 12/07/2025 21:13

Bosnia and Herzegovina

Nope. I mean, it’s better than some places, but women are definitely second class citizens in practice, even if there are anti discrimination laws which are supposed to protect them.

https://www.state.gov/reports/2023-country-reports-on-human-rights-practices/bosnia-and-herzegovina/

Bosnia and Herzegovina - United States Department of State

https://www.state.gov/reports/2023-country-reports-on-human-rights-practices/bosnia-and-herzegovina/

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:47

Sometimeswinning · 12/07/2025 23:43

My best friend who is Muslim will also laugh at you. She doesn’t care who bashed her because of her faith. Because she has faith. Calm down and let people be people.

Oh the ‘I have a Muslim friend card’ has come out.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 12/07/2025 23:54

Some of my female relatives don't swim at the beach either, they just lift the bottom of their traditional clothing slightly and paddle. They're not Muslim, they're Buddhist and they wear saris. Sometimes clothing choice is cultural/traditional rather than religious.

PollyCreo · 12/07/2025 23:54

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:47

Oh the ‘I have a Muslim friend card’ has come out.

I beat that already with my 'I was married to a Muslim' card. My cat also doesn't eat pork or drink alcohol, does that count?

Yazzi · 12/07/2025 23:58

Policeofficerpanda · 12/07/2025 22:42

@Yazzi and the Muslim women in Afghanistan? They’ve made their own choices to dress more modestly similar to your friends have they - because THEY want to?

I'm not from Afghanistan, why do you presume all Muslim people and cultures are the same? Pretty racist of you.

Takestwohourstoniptotheshop · 12/07/2025 23:59

PollyCreo · 12/07/2025 19:11

I live in a hot country with a big Muslim population (Kurdish Syrians). The men dive into the sea with their children and have a great time, the wives stand on the beach covered from head to toe in black and look on anxiously.

So sad 😞

Fridaynightfish · 13/07/2025 00:00

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:44

How is it inquisitive when she’s formed an entire belief about an entire body of women from one look at a stranger on a beach?

I hope you told your children ‘I am not sure’ because clearly you have no idea and that ‘people dress differently for various reasons it may be cultural/religious or even health related’. Most crucially ‘also it is none of our business’.

How have you reached the opinion that I have no idea?

Why so defensive and argumentative?

BluntPlumHam · 13/07/2025 00:03

downwiththatsortof · 12/07/2025 23:35

@BluntPlumHam Woah - who says that about a young child? Shocking - the child is allowed her opinion and I for one agree with her. But it's ok for you to bash an 8 year old child - ok then.

Please keep your faux outrage to yourself. I have read your other posts you just don’t like being called out. You have no solidarity for the women you have referenced because your narrative takes away their agency.

BluntPlumHam · 13/07/2025 00:07

Fridaynightfish · 13/07/2025 00:00

How have you reached the opinion that I have no idea?

Why so defensive and argumentative?

You came to the conclusion that the clothing was heavy and they could not have been comfortable. How you knew any of that by taking one look tells me everything I need to. I challenged and criticised your response just as you did to mine.

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