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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Muslim women who dress modestly...

596 replies

TreatTreat · 12/07/2025 18:49

If you're at the beach and you want to paddle in the sea, are you able to roll up your trousers? Genuinely wondering as I saw a muslim family on the beach today having great fun. The kids were paddling in the sea. The women weren't but this question sprung in my head.

OP posts:
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Pickled21 · 13/07/2025 00:08

People are different. I would role up mine to mid calf and on holiday in Morocco many local women did or had burkinis on. Some wore actual bikinis on or more mainstream swimwear. For myself I wouldn't wear a burkini but prefer a swimsuit going to my knees and covering me up to my elbow. For me that is modest enough. We aren't one homogenous group, there are also cultural and personal differences.

I'd be the mum most likely on the sidelines. I'm happy getting my feet wet but I'm not a strong swimmer and have no desire to go in the sea so don't. As we have 3 kids I have to dip my toes in at least to supervise as the ratio would be unsafe otherwise. In Morocco at least I saw lots of local mums and grans in the sea with their families.

downwiththatsortof · 13/07/2025 00:11

@BluntPlumHam There was no 'faux' about it. That was a nasty way to describe a child and I stand by my responses because I care about how women are treated - it's not me that takes away women's agency - it's men and religions and (women) that back them up but hey ho - you carry on with your aggressive accusations.

Policeofficerpanda · 13/07/2025 01:08

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TreatTreat · 13/07/2025 04:01

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Platosrevenge · 13/07/2025 05:02

One short life and forced to cover their skin up because of what ?
Because men cannot be trusted apparently. And women are told ‘cover up to maintain your modesty, which really means ‘protect yourself from men’.
I think it’s sad that several of the posters say they’ve started to wear hijabs after years of not wearing them. Why ? I mean, yes ultimately you can do whatever you want, but why are women becoming more conservative ? The whole philosophy of western liberal democracies was to move away from restrictive religious dogma but this seems to be the opposite.

arcticpandas · 13/07/2025 06:01

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:34

Yep just another excuse to bash Muslim women.

No, on the contrary. I prefer seeing someone covered up rather than in a thong bikini. The latter gives me nausea. But I still prefer someone in a thong because I know they are not forced by their DH/community to wear it.

Sometimeswinning · 13/07/2025 06:55

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:47

Oh the ‘I have a Muslim friend card’ has come out.

I mean I could have told her to sign up to mumsnet just to tell you a few facts. Seemed a little dramatic though. Plus you’d have probably accused her of using the “I’m a Muslim card” 😂

xanthomelana · 13/07/2025 07:28

BluntPlumHam · 12/07/2025 23:44

How is it inquisitive when she’s formed an entire belief about an entire body of women from one look at a stranger on a beach?

I hope you told your children ‘I am not sure’ because clearly you have no idea and that ‘people dress differently for various reasons it may be cultural/religious or even health related’. Most crucially ‘also it is none of our business’.

It’s none of your business what they told their Dd either then if we go by your standards.

HeadLowByTheVendingMachine · 13/07/2025 07:40

I've read the whole thread, and was surprised by the posts saying that in Iran women are free to wear what they like in public as the 2022 news coverage about the morality police in Iran beating and in some cases killing teenage girls for having their hair uncovered in public is still fresh in my mind. I remember the marches and protests in Iran about it receiving coverage at the time. I have found a BBC article about the new president in 2024 declaring that this would no longer be the case, but it still suggests there is some doubt about this.

I am not saying that in itself means that no women are freely choosing to cover up or that modest clothing is inherently repressive; that's not what I think. I think women's clothing across all cultures can be oppressive and restrictive of how women live - beauty standards, patriarchy, fashion and judgement conspire to keep women pleasing to men and often extremely uncomfortable, sometimes unsafe, throughout history with and without religious rules. Women's clothing and their freedom or otherwise to choose it is always a feminist issue.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/articles/ckgnn3562yjo.amp

IthasYes · 13/07/2025 07:58

I was extremely surprised to learn recently that in the Muslim community you are considered to be born a Muslim
I had not realised this before. For instance I would say I was raised a Catholic , never born one

We are all born free but everywhere we are in chains.

So if you are born a Muslim and it's considered a massive sin to leave it , how can you choose ?

Nt23 · 13/07/2025 08:02

orangeflag · 12/07/2025 19:21

I hope they will be wearing what they choose and feel comfortable wearing so long as it’s the individual that made the choice and nobody forced them to or denied them a choice.

You're in denial about the nature of patriarchal religions.

SonK · 13/07/2025 08:05

Platosrevenge · 13/07/2025 05:02

One short life and forced to cover their skin up because of what ?
Because men cannot be trusted apparently. And women are told ‘cover up to maintain your modesty, which really means ‘protect yourself from men’.
I think it’s sad that several of the posters say they’ve started to wear hijabs after years of not wearing them. Why ? I mean, yes ultimately you can do whatever you want, but why are women becoming more conservative ? The whole philosophy of western liberal democracies was to move away from restrictive religious dogma but this seems to be the opposite.

I find it freeing wearing a headscarf and covering up. I still dress well and fashionable; pretty colours and nice fabrics...not all black.

However even if I wanted to wear all black as long as it is my choice, why would it matter?

Or why do women have to wear less clothing to be seen as free - why can't we all have a choice to wear whatever we want, surely it's not harming anyone whether I wear a headscarf and cover up or if I wear a bikini

Breadandsticks · 13/07/2025 08:06

I can’t speak for Muslim people but I know people who follow strict rules about modesty and if they plan to swim then they would bring appropriate swimwear. They have options to fully cover themselves.

I must be one of the only people that actually hates going in water, unless it’s warm - so I very happily watch my family in the background whilst I relax in the sun in my swimming costume.

IthasYes · 13/07/2025 08:06

@Yazzi to test your theory that DH doesn't comment on your clothes ( because he doesnt need to because your conforming) -you would need to dress in a different way and then see if he says anything !!

IthasYes · 13/07/2025 08:08

Because if you are raised to believe you have been born a Muslim and you can't leave the faith with many lessons and teachings whilst young etc it's not really a choice is it ?

notnorman · 13/07/2025 08:10

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Morgenrot25 · 13/07/2025 08:38

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Nobody is born believing in any religion.
It's taught. Yes, people may search for meaning in life, even turn to gods or goddesses, but sesrching for meaning isn't necessarily because we're 'designed' to worship what are essentially man made gods. All holy teachings were written by humans and so it's understandable they'd include concepts like this.

BlueandPinkSwan · 13/07/2025 08:47

Janeeyrre · 12/07/2025 19:33

@TreatTreat I don't think its odd to be curious about at all, I think about other faiths / lifestyles all the time.

Anyway I know Muslim women who wear bikinis and I know others would definitely wouldn't paddle.

I think other cultures and faiths are interesting in how they do things.

Nt23 · 13/07/2025 08:47

SonK · 13/07/2025 08:05

I find it freeing wearing a headscarf and covering up. I still dress well and fashionable; pretty colours and nice fabrics...not all black.

However even if I wanted to wear all black as long as it is my choice, why would it matter?

Or why do women have to wear less clothing to be seen as free - why can't we all have a choice to wear whatever we want, surely it's not harming anyone whether I wear a headscarf and cover up or if I wear a bikini

It's no coincidence that the choice to wear these items of clothing is exactly the choice many muslim men want women to make.

Alltheyellowbirds · 13/07/2025 08:53

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Excuse me?

SonK · 13/07/2025 09:03

Nt23 · 13/07/2025 08:47

It's no coincidence that the choice to wear these items of clothing is exactly the choice many muslim men want women to make.

My partner is also Muslim, of course he would prefer it if I didn't wear revealing clothes; I think most men would prefer their women not to wear anything too revealing - however they may define "revealing" (this varies in different cultures)

However he has never asked me to cover up and wear a headscarf - it has been my choice.

In fact at the start of our relationship before we got married I was the one who firmly told him if he had a wondering eye and stared at women it would be a deal-breaker for me and I wouldn't put up with that rubbish or disrespect - he knows to lower his gaze and respect women whatever they are wearing.

Also, let me provide you with an opposing perspective: is it a coincidence that revealing and sexy items of clothing that men objectively find attractive and lust over are supposed to empower women?

Damned if we do, damned if we don't springs to mind...

Sherr33 · 13/07/2025 09:05

Alltheyellowbirds · 13/07/2025 08:53

Excuse me?

In Islam, there's a belief that everyone is born in a pure state with an instinctive awareness of God — this is called "fitrah." Because of this, becoming Muslim is seen as returning to that original state, so it's called "reverting." It's a spiritual concept rather than a comment on one’s personal or cultural identity.
In Islam, belief is only meaningful when it's chosen with understanding. That’s why we’re encouraged to ask questions, seek knowledge, and come to faith with conviction — not a blind following. A person who is a born Muslim is still expected to choose their faith, renew their intention, and practice it consciously. This is usually the case when we hit puberty. How we move forward with our religion is then our choice.

Sherr33 · 13/07/2025 09:20

There’s a common misconception — usually shaped by the media — that Muslim women are oppressed because they cover up. But for many of us, wearing a hijab or dressing modestly is an empowered, conscious choice. It's about spiritual identity, self-respect, and connection to faith — not about being controlled.

Ironically, in societies that claim to value freedom, a Muslim woman’s choice to dress modestly is sometimes criticized — even though that very choice is a form of autonomy. True freedom is being able to choose how to present ourselves without being judged or pressured to conform to someone else's standard.

and last note, people need to separate what some oppressive governments or cultures do in the name of religion from what the religion actually teaches. Islam, at its core, values dignity, free will, and intention. And many Muslim women across the world speak out strongly — and proudly — about why they choose to cover. I mean we dont all need to be on onlyfans to be #feminist and #empoweringwomen. I dont understand why its such an issue for quite a lot of people on how Muslim women dress! Nobody is forcing you to wear it so why DOES it actually bother people? I pity those who need to restort to bending over for 1001+ men for ££, fame and attention and then screaming mental health issues?
Pointing at Iran and Afghanistan to blame Islam for being oppresive when in actual fact its culture, but are you looking at your own country? Rising crime, broken families, loneliness, exploitation — every society has issues. Let’s be honest about that before using other countries to bash an entire religion. Think how women dress in the UK is the least of our worries

abracadabra1980 · 13/07/2025 09:20

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Tandora · 13/07/2025 09:21

SonK · 13/07/2025 09:03

My partner is also Muslim, of course he would prefer it if I didn't wear revealing clothes; I think most men would prefer their women not to wear anything too revealing - however they may define "revealing" (this varies in different cultures)

However he has never asked me to cover up and wear a headscarf - it has been my choice.

In fact at the start of our relationship before we got married I was the one who firmly told him if he had a wondering eye and stared at women it would be a deal-breaker for me and I wouldn't put up with that rubbish or disrespect - he knows to lower his gaze and respect women whatever they are wearing.

Also, let me provide you with an opposing perspective: is it a coincidence that revealing and sexy items of clothing that men objectively find attractive and lust over are supposed to empower women?

Damned if we do, damned if we don't springs to mind...

I agree with all you have said except this:

I think most men would prefer their women not to wear anything too revealing - however they may define "revealing"

Why do you say this?

It also contradicts the very good point you make in your second to last paragraph..?