Am I going insane?!

[overthinker001]

I know I’m probably going to get absolutely flamed for this as being a paranoid wife and to be honest I don’t know if I am or not.

so for the last couple of months I have had a really bad gut feeling that my husband has been up to no good…the thing is I have no evidence and nothing to suggest he is at all. He leaves his phone with me all the time. Goes to work and comes home doesn’t really have any hobbies and never really goes out, says after work he just wants to come home.

i just can not shake this feeling and always been told to trust my gut. It’s driving me bonkers. Anyone else ever been in this situation.

please be gentle.

Not unusual to get increased anxiety / intrusive thoughts post babies -
huge hormonal shifts, fatigue, huge life adjustment -
agree, if no evidence to support your fears about DH -
speak to GP and or Health visitor who are trained to spot changes in maternal mental health which can happen in that first year post birth

Tbh, I'm not surprised that you are feeling bad if you are looking after two small babies. That sounds really hard.

I think it would be worth talking to a GP and possibly paying privately for councelling if you can afford it. I had bad anxiety after my son was born and the councelling really helped. It's best to find an actual clinical psychologist if you can afford it. Even if you only see them 3 or 4 times a year, it really helps. They cost about £80 an hour.

Is no one going to mention the random story from a pp about a fox eating her cats head?

As soon as my dh cheated on me I knew. There was just something in his face, his look. I knew something in my bones but ignored it. It wasn’t until months later when I was confronted with evidence that I recalled that moment I had known.

There must be something about his behaviour that is alerting you to this. When you live with someone day in day out you learn to “read” them. If there is nothing then you must seek counselling help.

Is it that you feel more vulnerable on Mat leave.. I did… you don’t mention any practical elements eg he’s away more or secretive etc etc

As someone who struggles with anxiety - without the added stress of having a new baby - I feel your pain completely. It's so easy to make things up in your head despite having no evidence for it being true at all. I would see your GP. I went on medication when I was having similar issues, and I'm so much more chilled out now, it's unreal.

@overthinker001 - "... He leaves his phone with me all the time..."

Why does he leave his phone with you "all the time"?

Are you ultra controlling and insist on it?

I was more intrigued by the fact she said her husband always accuses her of cheating when she isn’t 😕

I have trouble with gut feelings. I have anxiety and the amount of times I can say to myself ‘I just know it’s going to happen, I can feel it my gut’ and I’m wrong are too numerous to mention.

My brain and body constantly lie to me. I’d say gut feelings are valid but not if you’re anxious already. You get in your own head, overthink and obsess about it and you justify it by saying it’s your gut instinct but it’s really anxiety.

I’d say if there’s no actual evidence that he’s cheating, you can put it down to this.

My husband is wonderful and I trust him 100% but then suddenly, out of nowhere, I’ll go what if? What if he is cheating and I have no idea, what if he’s just saying he loves me but he’s planning on leaving. And I will start to think it’s an instinct but it’s not, it’s my stupid brain. And probably past relationships.

Surely she’s being hyperbolic. More like he leaves it lying around when she’s there.

Yes, intrusive thoughts! We try to pass them off as a gut feeling but that’s exactly what they are.

I also thought my OH was having some kind of affair/emotional affair while I was on mat leave and babe was about 5/6 mo. He, like your partner, went to work, came home, looked after the kids and wasn’t on his phone any more than normal. I felt like it was a “gut instinct” but it was sleep deprivation/loss of identity/lack of normality… the feelings past as quickly as they started and absolutely nothing changed with anything he did at all. I talked to my OH about it and explained I was feeling vulnerable. There was a lack of connection on our part as we were just so tired and in survival mode but talking about it helped us reconnect a little. Go easy on yourself.

There’s really nothing to go on here. You’re possibly unhappy or unfulfilled?

No 😂 ffs that was a bit of a jump!!

he just puts it down with his keys when he gets home from work. Haha you’ve made my day 😂

Thank you everyone for your replies, it really helps that so many of you felt the same on Matt leave, I will contact the gp and have a chat.

no I’m not getting hardly any sleep and they nap different times in the day so no chance to catch up. So probably not helping.

I’m glad you are listening to sense and think it’s worth speaking to your gp.

My husband has “gut feelings” all the time about my affairs, goes through my phone, my work lap-top because if I have nothing to hide I won’t argue. I’ve never had an affair, I am not having an affair and no plans to. Gut feelings can be your own insecurities play tricks on you.

It is horrible being on the other side of a gut feeling, how can you defend yourself against that!

@KaitlynnFairchildi haven’t challenged him on it as i have no evidence to question him on. It’s like im at war with my own thoughts at the moment. It must be really rough for you 😔

It’s awful. It must be awful for him too though, it can’t be easy to battled feelings like that.

I hope you can feel better soon!

This happened to me on my (very close together) maternity leaves too. Never reallly thought that it could have been hormonal so this thread is blowing my mind a bit. Mine was abusive in other ways so I ended up leaving him, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't cheating despite me being convinced of it at the time.

Now I've read this thread I'm thinking that the maternity leave + emotional abuse just left me feeling a lot more vulnerable and anxious than usual. It's always puzzled and troubled me that I became so fixated on this because it's pretty out of character for me.

If any of this is resonating with you OP it sounds like a chat with the GP could be well worth your while. Post partum/maternity can be such a weird time.

Hmmm I would say trust your gut, what I mean by that is just be alert .
I completely trusted my husband , he only went to work and came home with the odd night out with work colleagues .
he was messaging escorts ,

completely floored me ,
I hope you are wrong x

It doesn’t sound like he’s doing anything - he could just be a good man.

Definitely sounds like some post-natal anxiety if he doesn’t actually go anywhere and logically there’s no time. I had the same and other mh struggles for almost 2 years after pregnancy, so you’re not alone. My DH works from home and wants to do all hobbies together, doesn’t have his own friends (which sounds a bit sad but we do share lots of interests) - yet I’d be convinced that there was something, even after getting a Ring doorbell which confirmed he’s only out when walking the dog. 🫣

Thank you all, I have been to the gp, phoned at 8:30 and was offered an 11.15 appointment miracles do happen lol. Anyway, she agrees I am suffering with anxiety from the babies and lack of sleep. Speaking to her I realised I also have very low self confidence at the moment so this is all definitely playing a part. Has told me to contact talking therapies (but think I will go private as a really long wait) and prescribed some medication that will hopefully help.

i really appreciate all the advice and thank you again 🫶🏼