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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I going insane?!

48 replies

overthinker001 · 11/07/2025 20:22

I know I’m probably going to get absolutely flamed for this as being a paranoid wife and to be honest I don’t know if I am or not.

so for the last couple of months I have had a really bad gut feeling that my husband has been up to no good…the thing is I have no evidence and nothing to suggest he is at all. He leaves his phone with me all the time. Goes to work and comes home doesn’t really have any hobbies and never really goes out, says after work he just wants to come home.

i just can not shake this feeling and always been told to trust my gut. It’s driving me bonkers. Anyone else ever been in this situation.

please be gentle.

OP posts:
WhatTheHelll · 11/07/2025 20:28

Are you insecure?

I have known male friends to have ‘work’ phones or hidden folders and notifications turned off so their partners wouldn’t suspect they were up to no good.

But… It sounds like your OH doesn’t have the opportunity.

PinkPonyClubb · 11/07/2025 20:29

When do you think he’s doing something, where do you think he’s doing something? Are you on maternity leave or temporarily out of work and have more time to think? I hope that doesn’t sound rude- My mind does this to me. Hope you’re okay 😘

KrisAkabusi · 11/07/2025 20:31

This is mumsnet. Your husband could be Jesus himself and posters will make him out to be the bad guy! You're in the wrong place if you're looking for reassurance that your husband isn't doing anything.

Original poster
overthinker001 · 11/07/2025 20:44

I don’t think I’m insecure. Nothing has ever bothered me like this in the past and if he wanted to go out there would be absolutely no issue. In fact I tell him to go to the pub after work or meet up with friends.

yea I am on Matt leave. So maybe I am thinking more. I just don’t know where this feeling has come from all of a sudden. Like I say I’ve never had it before

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 11/07/2025 20:52

It could just be anxiety rather than it being a fact - I don’t know x

PinkPonyClubb · 11/07/2025 20:52

You sound like me! My hubby is brilliant, loves family, never really goes out, always leave his phone around and I know his code. But my gosh when I was on Mat’ leave I was absolutely convinced he was having an affair! I thought maybe online I didn’t really know. My mind played tricks on me. Unless my husband is still having this affair I was convinced of, while going to work full time and hardly ever going out. Then it was definitely my mind and I also stopped feeling that way when mat’ leave finished.

BallerinaRadio · 11/07/2025 20:53

Well if previous posts on here are anything to go by the advice is always follow your gut... You've got to follow your gut... It's a gut feeling for a reason...

You don't need evidence on Mumsnet just a gut feeling 😂

Katemax82 · 11/07/2025 21:05

Hmm trusting your gut is one thing. My husband always accuses me of cheating when I don't. My gut told me my sons cat was the dead cat i went to inspect on the side of the road when his cat was missing but I couldn't be sure as a fox must have eaten its head. My sons cat came home 7 weeks later having been in the woods.

JMSA · 11/07/2025 21:08

I mean, normally I would always tell a woman to trust her instincts. I am a firm believer in that and it’s how I caught my ex-husband out. But I just don’t see how he’d get the chance! Could it be hormones? Or maybe he’s been looking at stuff on his phone to, ahem, sort himself out.

fthisfthatfeverything · 11/07/2025 21:21

overthinker001 · 11/07/2025 20:44

I don’t think I’m insecure. Nothing has ever bothered me like this in the past and if he wanted to go out there would be absolutely no issue. In fact I tell him to go to the pub after work or meet up with friends.

yea I am on Matt leave. So maybe I am thinking more. I just don’t know where this feeling has come from all of a sudden. Like I say I’ve never had it before

Is the hormones, Is baby around 4/5 months?

i had the same with my DD

DragonTrainor · 11/07/2025 21:23

I believe in following your gut but it doesn't mean your definitely right.

Original poster
overthinker001 · 12/07/2025 02:04

fthisfthatfeverything · 11/07/2025 21:21

Is the hormones, Is baby around 4/5 months?

i had the same with my DD

Show quote history

DD is 5 months. How long did it last?

OP posts:
Notsosure1 · 12/07/2025 03:29

JMSA · 11/07/2025 21:08

I mean, normally I would always tell a woman to trust her instincts. I am a firm believer in that and it’s how I caught my ex-husband out. But I just don’t see how he’d get the chance! Could it be hormones? Or maybe he’s been looking at stuff on his phone to, ahem, sort himself out.

Sadly I have read about many situations on here where the man conducts the affair during work hours. That’s not to say this is what is happening in this case

Endofyear · 12/07/2025 04:52

Has his behaviour changed recently? Do you feel he is being distant or preoccupied? I've always said trust your gut but the feelings have to be based on something!

savagedaughter · 12/07/2025 05:16

Gut feelings are your subconscious figuring out clues. There are no clues here, so nothing for your gut to have an instinct about, unless you're missing huge chunks of narrative.

Were you hoping everyone would say "Go with your gut! Your gut is never wrong!" to prove to yourself that gut instinct is not a thing?

Anyway, this whole post is just odd.

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 08:50

He's highly unlikely to be cheating. Sounds like you're anxious and that anxiety has made you question him. Don't let it take over.

Original poster
overthinker001 · 12/07/2025 10:26

DrowningInSyrup · 12/07/2025 08:50

He's highly unlikely to be cheating. Sounds like you're anxious and that anxiety has made you question him. Don't let it take over.

Thank you. I’m really trying not to. I think I will make a gp appointment to talk about anxiety.

OP posts:
Original poster
overthinker001 · 12/07/2025 10:28

Endofyear · 12/07/2025 04:52

Has his behaviour changed recently? Do you feel he is being distant or preoccupied? I've always said trust your gut but the feelings have to be based on something!

He’s been a bit more stressed then usual and snappy but we have a very full on 16 month old and a 5 month old. I think I’m just overthinking everything, getting anxious and getting it confused with a gut feeling.

OP posts:
Original poster
overthinker001 · 12/07/2025 10:30

Notsosure1 · 12/07/2025 03:29

Sadly I have read about many situations on here where the man conducts the affair during work hours. That’s not to say this is what is happening in this case

Edited
Show quote history

He’s a lorry driver, works in construction and stripping roofs. I think I’m overly anxious at the moment. My biggest fear is being cheated on and left and I think I’m letting that fear take over where I’m on Matt leave and at home at lot more.

OP posts:
YippyKiYay · 13/07/2025 12:12

Wow a 16mo and a 5mo! You must have your hands full! Hang in there, it does get easier when they're a bit older. Are you getting much sleep? Anxiety can increase when you've not slept well, and the hormones etc.
Hope you're ok. X

Mathair · 13/07/2025 12:16

You may need to go to the doc for a chat. Your hormones may be at play here.

Swiftie1878 · 13/07/2025 12:20

overthinker001 · 12/07/2025 10:30

He’s a lorry driver, works in construction and stripping roofs. I think I’m overly anxious at the moment. My biggest fear is being cheated on and left and I think I’m letting that fear take over where I’m on Matt leave and at home at lot more.

Show quote history

Is there ANYTHING he has done or said, or NOT done/said that makes your gut churn?

Towundertwo · 13/07/2025 12:21

I had this when I was on mat leave actually, I also only have an 11 month age gap so imagine our hormones are absolutely raging! But I felt very well in many (most) other ways mentally after having my second so never really put it down to hormones or feeling some kind of way after having babies. Especially so close together. But now thinking about it, it did go kind of go as quickly as it came. I was CONVINCED one day this girl from work had dropped him off after work, a similar car to hers drove into our street and he appeared soon after (he catches the bus, so had just gotten off the bus at the same time 🥴) absolutely bonkers now thinking back to it. After this incident I had to restrain myself from picking up his phone to look at his messages, and I am in no way insecure or jealous usually. Distance memory now and we’re engaged with our wedding booked next year! X

Electrictooth · 13/07/2025 12:21

Welcome to Mumsnet, where if he is up to no good you should definitely LTB, and if he’s not then your description of him makes him seem pretty boring so you should definitely LTB.

Queenofshadows · 13/07/2025 12:29

I once thought my husband was having an affair because he once closed his phone quickly when I came back from putting the kids to bed, even though he also would have had no opportunity to do so.

I was on mat leave too!

I think it's a vulnerable time, hormones are crazy, and the days are long!