To wonder if you ever get over being left for OW

[Humpbackk]

And they just head off into the sunset and leave you to pick up all the pieces (kids etc)

Sorry, but I laughed out loud at your post!

im thrilled. It took me about 1week befire I started doing the happy dance that I’m free and she has to sleep with him. Boak.

Op I'm guessing it's early days?

It must be very painful to get over, especially if it was a shock. I don’t think I would ever be shocked by an affair, I expect them.

It’s a man’s world isn’t it. Are you ok?

You have to do everything in your power to get over it.

My late MIL never got over it and she died of cancer in her 50’s still heartbroken and bitter, I hate that for her. Life is too short.

If someone leaves you, thank them for showing you who they are and love yourself and move on.

Solidarity.

17 days in here.
I feel worse. I think i was in shock and angry for the first week.
Now I'm sad and lonely and just feel so rejected.
16 years, gone. The memories are thick and fast for me, not so much for him while he enjoys himself in someone else's house and bed and arms.

I can't say, hand on heart, that you ever get over it. Sort of like you never get over a bereavement, if that makes sense. But you kind of absorb it into your overall life experience and learn to live with it. Like most things it really does get better. Over time I've realised that my DH was never the great guy I thought he was (or perhaps convinced myself he was) and that our relationship wasn't the "soul mate" party I thought it was for all those years (26 in my case). I'm sorry if it's early days OP but like I said, it does get better and you will see him for what he really was all along.

Was heartbroken for years -woke up every day wondering what was “wrong” with me …the minute I realised it wasn’t me I started to see things differently !
kick started my career ,life ,everything !
could never have imagined I would be this happy 😃
Married to husband number 2 -failure man is nothing but a bad memory

I don’t know if I’m over it but you couldn’t pay me to get back with him and she’s honestly very welcome to suffer his bullshit.

I think that it really helps that I have lots of happy memories post split. When I think about how these happy memories would have happened it he was around, I realise that I am better off without him. I often think he did me a favour without realising it.

When I say I don’t know it I’m over it, I feel sad for the old me but the happiness of my new life makes the hard parts worth it. My kids are now over 18, thriving and our relationships are great.

I don’t understand the responses.
if Someone has an affair, then they’re an arsehole.
so why would you either
a) be upset that you are no longer with an arsehole or
b) worry that there’s something wrong with you?

i don’t get it, the problem is clearly them so you’re well rid?

I suppose it’s like when you have a baby and your life changes completely and utterly and men’s life, not so much.

Same with this, they head off to a new lily pad and leave you reeling and dealing with absolutely everything and it doesn’t seem to affect their life that much at all.

Because for some people feelings can't be switched off immediately.

I couldn't get rid of him fast enough. He wouldn't bloody go! She was welcome to a cheating creep. All I wanted was some peace and quiet to look after my daughter.

You LAUGHED OUT LOUD? What a really horrible response.

I remember Bob Geldof talking about Paula Yates, he said she was leaving him and he said she was talking to him and it looked like her body and her face, but he didn’t recognise her any more.

It’s a lot to take in if you are shocked by the affair and the betrayal but, as I said I would not be shocked or surprised.

18 months on I still haven't got over it. But I've learnt to live with it.

I can understand that it would take some longer than others for the penny to drop that theyre an arsehole. But forever/years when you literally have the information to hand that they’re selfish and liars?

Horrible for about 6 months. Good co parenting relationship now and just feel sorry for the new wife because he’ll do it again.

You are aware of the concept of self-doubt right?

And of course you would be upset/hurt if this happened because you have been betrayed by someone you gave your life to…you can be sad and angry at the same time you know.

this poster is clearly a child who has never had a real relationship end like this. They’re rage baiting

Do you have any emotional intelligence at all?

I think you have to work very hard at it op. But your choices are work hard at it or don’t get over it … so a no brainier really… my mum never got over it… still waffles on about my dad who left her over 30 years ago…. Depressing really.

i have been left twice… I am totally over the first one, genuinely can’t see what I saw in him.. but I jumped straight into another relationship and that has now gone very badly wrong…. Suffering now… but working on it and telling myself that in a few years I won’t care… and just letting myself have the feelings now…. But it’s hard. Good luck op!

My friend's lovely mum never got over it, and she lived till she was 90. She referred to her ex as "that bastard" and the OW as "that bitch" to her dying day.

She was in her 30s when "that bastard" left her for his secretary, so she kept it up for over 50 years.

Well I suppose he was the partner OP has a live and kids with. Massive change and betrayal. I think it's pretty normal to be upset and hurt rather than most being in a celebratory mood. You don't know what the implications are for the OP. They can be huge and live changing for her and her DC.

I laughed about loud at the question, not the ops predicament. The idea that I wouldn’t get over it, is funny, yes. That was how the question was phrased - do ‘you’. If the op has said ‘I’m super sad that my arsehole ex husband has shown me that he’s an arsehole, any ideas how to get over it,’ then that would be different.

I was heartbroken for a few months. Then met my now DP and I want to thank the OW for taking a selfish, arrogant, abusive arsehole off my hands. Occasionally she will actually allude to his temper/selfishness etc and I've managed to perfect a look of sympathy while laughing my arse off in my head.

My DP is amazing, raised my three children (10mths, 2 and 6 when we met) as his own and he still gives me butterflies. He made me realised what it really felt like to be loved.

If she hadn't taken the arsehole ExH off my hands I would probably be in a miserable marriage that I almost certainly wouldn't have left because of the children.

The only thing I still resent is the damage it did to my career. Apart from that I'm all good.