To wonder if you ever get over being left for OW

[Humpbackk]

And they just head off into the sunset and leave you to pick up all the pieces (kids etc)

100% Amen to this.

My DF has never got over my DM leaving him for her OM and I don't think he ever will tbh as it's been 20+ years (DM and OM are still together). I don't agree with what my DM did, but my DF unfortunately doesn't have the introspection to realise he was also a really shit husband to my DM and essentially it was both their faults for various reasons, neither of them were innocent or purely the victim in what happened. DF will still for eg Facebook stalk my DM, questions his kids constantly on what DM is doing, what her relationship is like with OM. Do we think it's on the rocks and they're going to split up etc etc. Everytime he spends time alone with my DH he will use it as an opportunity to talk nastily about my DM to the point now where my DH avoids being alone with my DF as he is sick of it (he has the same attitude as me = DM did the wrong thing, but DF also contributed significantly to the situation happening). I don't think he will ever get over it tbh

(Not saying anyone "deserves" to be cheated on or anything like that, but in our family situation DF was absolutely not an innocent victim. He was not a good husband do my DM and while she should have ended the marriage in a better way, he's not able to realise his own faults. He's also happily remarried but still obsesses over DM/OM 🤷‍♀️)

That must be so hard.

Have you /your husband ever told him to give it a rest, and let him see how others see it.
His poor current wife having to know this about him?

To be honest my ex was in a 'new' relationship within a few months. Pretty sure it was actually well established before he left. I was angry, sad etc but now.....feel sorry for her although no-one believes me. He was very manipulative and I expect he plays those games with her. Haven't met her and would be the bitter ex-wife if I said anything. Have to be sensible as he isn't my problem any more!!!

Do you think he was seeing her before I ended it?

we wouldn’t really know that. What was the sequence of events? You ended the relationship and he is now with another woman very quickly ?

You will get a lot of posts saying that while it was awful at the time, they're now really happy and have remarried and everything is great and husband no 1 did them a favour etc. it doesn't always happen like that. Sometimes you go on to meet another man who's not right for you either, and you find yourself single again, this time when you're older. Sometimes you might not meet another man. The battle is learning to live your life and love it without a man in it, and establish your own niche with friends, family etc. Most men aren't great.

Good chance - you don't meet someone that quickly otherwise if the long term relationship with with your long term partner and the mother if your children breaks down. it takes a lot more than a fortnight.

in the end, it doesn't matter. He is a vile man. Be there for your kids and keep the moral high ground. Ultimately, it's his loss, not yours.
Do you have much real live support? Is he trying to see the kids at all. If you were married, and there are assets, make you you get a good solicitor and take him to the cleaners. Try to channel your anger into more productive channels. I know, it's all so much easier said than done. But you will get through this.

Do you want to share the reasons you left him? clearly something must have triggered it.

my H just left me today for the other women and heartbroken doesn't even come close to how I feel. I never in a million years thought this would be me but here I am with a sore face from all the tears and knots in my stomach!

I'm so sorry. My h had an affair and I didn't leave. I've left now and he moved on very quickly. Don't care about that but furious he's being a shit dad. Do what you need to to get through the day but start remembering how strong you are. This is a moment in time. It's not how you'll feel forever.

They always deny it. They can't be seen as being the 'bad person'.

My ExH denied it even though he'd given me his work Blackberry to look at whenever I wanted/needed to (after his previous affair) and I could read all their pathetic, teenager-like melodramatic emails to each other.

You don’t just end up with somebody 2 weeks later, even if he didn’t cheat there was definitely an emotional affair going on and he told me I had nothing at all to worry about as she was nothing on me.

My grandmother never got over my grandfather leaving, he married the ow but spilt when I was born.
My grandmother was left holding 3 babies when he left my mum said she became incredibly bitter towards them, seen as an extension of my grandfather I suppose. This led to my mother and my uncles living with my mother's sister in Ireland for 6 years, she refused my grandfathers offer to take them in and live with him and OW and the 2 children they had together.

My mother said she suffered hugely for her father's betrayal, he never understood the damage he caused, I don't think many men do.
My grandmother never spoke of my grandfather to me, even until the day she died she never muttered his name to me. But she told my mother she still felt the same pain she felt the day he left, every single day.
My mother still believes she died of a broken heart.
My grandfather divorced the OW and died alone himself, with neither my mother or her brother's with him.