Encounter in the woods with a man...was I being silly?

[Woodwalk]

I walk in a local woods daily. Today I parked in the small car park where there were around 4 cars already. Changed into my boots, tied up my hair, no one else arrived in this time. Then I set off down a trail which begins running alongside the main road to the right, to the left is an inaccessible woodland - too dense to walk through. You can only enter the trail from the car park (at that end).

I had only been walking for around a minute or two when I got the sensation I was being watched/followed. This is strange as I would only have expected to meet someone head on on the path - given that there's one entrance and I saw no one else arrive at the car park within a minute of myself.

Anyway I turned round a few times and finally spotted a man behind me, slightly off the trail nearer to the side where the road is (trees are between the main road and me). I immediately did feel uncomfortable as I wasn't sure where he had come from, and debated stopping so that he could move ahead of me. I decided against this as didn't want to make a big thing of it.

Instead I kept going and took a turn off into a large shaded area, a clearing where I could see the original trail and find a little tree trunk to sit on (and look normal!) as he passed.

Instead of passing the man followed me into the clearing. I had walked quite far into the clearing to find a tree that gave a lot of space around me. He made a beeline for me straight towards me. I felt scared, and then he met my eyes and asked how my day was going. I immediately went into flight mode jumped up blurted out something about not wanting to be followed on my walk and started to run back to the car park (around 6 mins running). He shouted after me to come back, he didn't mean to scare me, he hadn't been following me, he was lost, he was sorry, come back please.

I just ran all the way back to the car and left.

I'm a woman in early 30s the gent was late fifties I think, and very overweight, if he tried to follow me back I couldn't tell, but don't think he could have matched my pace. He didn't have a dog, but then, neither do I.

Now I'm wondering, was he innocently lost and wanted a chat? Was I being silly to run away? It doesn't really matter now as I'm obviously safe and fine but the woods is my favourite place to go and I feel really put off returning now. Need a reality check as feel a bit silly now but in the moment I was scared.

That would piss me right off too@Livelovebehappy and I don't blame you for that.

I'd still report though.

Good for you. Yes, women have to stop worrying about offending men and act in our own best interest. If you don't feel good about an encounter, you're not being impolite to just say something like; "I'm late for an appointment so I have to go now." and walk away. Surely there were men around he could have asked, but he chose you. Creepy.

How terrifying. I would have run like he'll too! He was not lost. I would report it and sadly avoid the woods. I have changed my walks in my breaks at work to ones that are more open and go past farm houses and farmers working on the fields or even just along roads with passing cars after coming across men alone looking a bit odd on a more isolated route they were probably just walking like I was but one time I did run all the way back to the office. I'd rather overreact than be raped or murdered.

I’m convinced that if women intimidated, harassed, frightened, harmed and killed men at the rate men do to women, we’d be under a nationwide curfew.

Great book. Highly recommended.

Yes he was lurking near car park I think. I have had weird lurkers at my work. Work outside often alone. Thank God the last dog walkers in the wood must have been out before bed with their dog. Gave me the space to get back in my van and drive off.

Totally agree-nobody lost acts like that. Also I’d deffo report it to the police. My little brother is a police officer & the police value this information as this may not be the first time this guy has done this & it allows them to build up a log/decent description/see any pattern of behaviour if there has been any other similar incidents. Often this information is super valuable as it gives them enough grounds to question a suspect.

I think you did exactly the right thing. Followed - woods - rural - you’re alone. I’d encourage anyone able to RUN RUN and RUN in those circumstances. Every time. To quote my old self defence instructor, no one can attack you if you’re not there any more.

(Based on your descriptions it sounds incredibly unlikely that someone could have been lost there)?

Hope you’re okay OP, sounds really scary.

I would call the police

Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks you didn't feel safe and you did what you thought was best

Your story is chilling. Thinking this through:

• He must have already been parked, and waiting hidden at the entrance to the walk, or possibly in his car - because he certainly didn't arrive after you started and then catch up to you, did he? You also felt watched almost immediately after setting out - that's because he was watching you from the very first moment, from this hidden position.

• He was certainly staring at you / fixated intensely upon you. This is what you sensed when you felt watched. Our brains are very good at the specific task of determining whether we are being watched. You didn't imagine this. You felt that way because he was watching you.

• He couldn't have been lost, walking along a straight path from the car park. At any point he could walked straight back to the carpark. He obviously wasn't lost.

• So, he lied about being lost, to compel you to remain in conversation with him / allow him to get physically closer

• He made an effort to close the physical distance between you

All things considered, I think he intended to do you harm. I don't think anyone, mentally ill, neurodivergent or disabled or otherwise thinks that this is how you chat up a stranger or make a new friend. By hiding and then stalking them through the woods. These are the actions of a sexual predator.

So he was best case scenario going to do some non-contact sexual assault like flashing or masturbating.

Worst case scenario was going to physically assault you as soon as he closed the distance.

So basically, 10/10 for using your athleticism to flee. Definitely the correct response. I wouldn't feel guilty at all, he's very likely a sexual predator. I would absolutely report this incident to the police.

I hope you don't feel too shaken. The good news is, you do know how to protect yourself, you've demonstrated that. Obviously, the blame for VAWG lies solely with the perpetrator, but many victims squander their chances of escape because of social conditioning to be polite/kind etc even to someone who is very obviously a sexual predator and about whom they have enormous misgivings. But we don't have to be polite/kind to sexual predators and we don't even have to be polite/kind to clueless men who make us feel unsafe - let them learn something from women's reactions to their behaviour I say.

I would’ve done the same and probably thought about reporting- he could’ve said anything just to get you to stop and go back etc! And if completely innocent then meeting a police officer would be a relief if he was genuinely lost!!

Better to ‘overreact’, @Woodwalk and stay safe, than to ignore your gut instincts and risk ending up in a nasty situation.

MFM is great for that

@Woodwalk You're not being unreasonable. As a man, if I was out for a walk and a woman tried to talk to me, I would be pissed off too. A walk is not an activity for trying to talk to other people.

Second point though... his weight has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

If you have a local fb page please post it on there to warn people. Anonymously or ask someone to post it as a friend so you are not giving information about yourself.

Where I live most of the dog walks are through woods and if I saw a post like this I would definitely avoid those walks.

I’ve only twice felt stranger fear, the first time he went on to rape a woman a few weeks later, the second may well have been innocent but it didn’t feel right so I ran.

At best, this man is an insensitive, clueless idiot! You did the RIGHT thing, OP.
No, we know NAMALT, but we don't know which ones are. Do not feel guilty or silly.

As a man, you may not understand that I wasn't 'pissed off' that someone disturbed my walk - I was genuinely scared that I was going to be assaulted or worse, not put out at the prospect of an unwanted chat. I am now angry that I do think I'll have to stop doing my favourite thing though.

I mentioned his weight, and age, in reference to whether he would have still been following me as I ran. Given that he was very overweight (probably morbidly obese, if you must know) and easily 20+ years older than me, I do think he wouldn't have been able to keep pace with me. It is relevant.

Thank you to everyone who has commented. To anyone who may have missed this - I have reported online as a 'suspicious incident'. I still feel a bit shaken by the whole thing and mostly just quite bothered that I won't be going to the woods tomorrow for the first time in a very long time. I appreciate everyone's comments and advice.

Fucking hell, here’s another utterly clueless man.

She’s not talking about being a bit annoyed that someone interrupted her peace and quiet. She’s talking about being frightened that he was about to harm her. In what way do you think your annoyance is even slightly comparable or relevant to the post?

Second point, his weight has everything to do with it when she’s talking about being able to out pace him. What did you think she was referencing it for? She wasn’t commenting on his general attractiveness.

Sorry OP, I stopped for a chat mid post and have cross posted with you as a result!

@Woodwalk As a man, you may not understand that I wasn't 'pissed off' that someone disturbed my walk - I was genuinely scared that I was going to be assaulted or worse

Well of course I do understand that, as I am at a high risk of being assaulted when out by myself, and I have been attacked in the past.

I wouldn't be afraid of being assaulted by the man with the appearance you described though. As you said, it's easy to move away from someone like that. My main concern with being assaulted is whenever I see a group of men, or if their appearance suggests that they are looking for trouble (if they are chavs, for example).

His weight has to do with how easy it was to get away from him. Had he not been obese, he could have chased her down. So yes, it is relevant.

Absolutely terrifying. If I'd innocently asked someone for directions and they'd got up and bolted, my first reaction would be to mutter "what the fuck" under my breath thinking they were utterly nuts, I wouldn't be shouting for them to come back!! So yes, he was definitely sinister and very dodgy. Hope you're feeling a little less shaken now OP x

Haven’t read any replies but always trust your gut and please notify other women on social media if you have a town/village/city page as most places do. He sounds like a predator and other women (especially ones who may be jogging with headphones in) may need a heads up to be vigilant.

This is why you have gut instincts. Something was off and you did exactly the right thing. He was either dodgy or a complete idiot for not understanding how inappropriate following you was. I suspect the former..Please report him. If anything happens to anyone else you have at least done what you can to prevent it or catch him.

You are embarrassing yourself. Your experiences are not relevant here.

You aren't at any significant risk of being stalked, raped and/or murdered by a lone man who is obviously in less good physical condition than yourself. You're at virtually no risk of a lone man exposing his genitalia to you or wanking at you - because other men understand this it is reasonably likely you would respond aggressively to this and that he might come off worse. Men don't commit these kinds of acts against other men. Those instances where men sexually assault +/- murder other men, occur in situations where the victim is outnumbered, or incapacitated (drugged). Like you point out, there are contexts where male on male assault is more likely - you just don't seem to grasp that these are different contexts to male on female assaults.

A key difference is that the relative athleticism/fitness/strength of each party makes a difference to whether one can overpower the other in a male:male encounter. But this makes much less or no difference to women. A morbidly obese, unfit, below average strength man can easily overpower almost any woman, even if she is unusually fit, tall and strong, if he gets within range.

There is only one plausible explanation for this man's behaviour - he intended a sexual assault (in which I include flashing). Your downplaying of this actually puts women's lives at risk. I hope you don't talk to the women in your life like this about their experiences.