I interrupt MIL selfish monologues with yes I know, you told me this before.

[TheRubyPoet]

MIL always interrupts every conversation into how it relates to her without letting anyone else finish. My son's graduation dinner yesterday turned into what she studied at school, how she was the oldest in her graduation year. I replied yes, you told me this before and she kept talking. So I said it louder, you told me this before.
She got visibly upset but kept talking.

After 22 years of her I have had enough of her boring monologues and inability to let someone else have a moment. When I was sick when I was pregnant she kept talking about how healthy she was and how long she breastfed for blabla.
Everything i say results in her relating it to her.
Plus hours of nonsense about train times, shop opening times, What's in Sainsbury's.
My husband is quiet and unbothered by her blathering, so she gets away with steamrolling us.
AIBU if I interrupt her and say you told me this before.

OP, this definitely speaks of neurodiversity to me but it absolutely isn't unreasonable of you to remind her she's told you something before/otherwise subtly hint that it might be someone else's turn to speak. A friend of ours does this and it can be absolutely soul-sapping to have to keep hearing the same thing over and over.

Another poster assuming MIL is elderly and that she is lonely.

A lot of information being said with nothing from the OP saying that MIL is elderly, lonely, or both.

I have plenty of family members that are 70+ that don’t behave like OP’s MIL and they are definitely not lonely. Pretty sure if you called them elderly, they’d be setting you straight very sharply. My own MIL isn’t like this and pretty sure she would also give anyone an earful if they dare called her elderly.

I think (where possible of course) helping ND children understand that conversation is meant to be a two-way street is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give them.

I have had more than one relative where not being able to do this has made meaningful interaction very difficult.

I know a mother and daughter like that - DP's family. Everything comes back to them. You know you've got a finite amount of time to say your piece before they interrupt to bore the pants off you with their self centeredness.

I don't bother with them anymore & DP is NC for other reasons.

YWNBU. Go NC if you can, to get some peace from her.

If this is something that has developed over time it’s likely to be amoung the first signs of dementia, and if that’s the case I think YABU. If it’s dementia, there’s no point to telling her anything. She’s unable to change, it’s a terrible illness that takes people from us before they’re gone. You need to manage your interactions better. Don’t invite her to events where she will be able to dominate everyone when someone else needs to be centered unless you can mitigate in some way (e.g. take it in turns to “buddy” with her and listen to her stories while everyone gets on with celebrating the real star of the show).

But if, as it sounds, she’s always been like this, then YANBentirelyU. You really don’t have to put up with someone trying to bully everyone like that. Though dealing with it in the moment when it’s so ingrained seems unlikely to be effective. You could try speaking to her after the event. A conversation along the lines of “Lily, you ruined Sam’s graduation party, with the making it all about you. If you do that sort of thing again, I’m not inviting you to more family events.” And then a reminder before the next one that she’s not to dominate. Though, really, it should be your DH that does this.

This is my MIL too! Literally can’t finish a story around her, without her taking it over and turning into a memory or story of her own. Or you’ll be telling a story about a conversation you had with someone, and she doesn’t let you finish and starts telling you what you should have said/done, what she would have said/done in that situation, and I just want to scream “maybe if you let me finish this story you’ll find out I DID say that!!!”
As well as this, her preferred chat is to just tell stories, it’s not like a proper conversation it’s just her telling ‘hilarious’ stories from her past, things she got up to on holiday with friends when she was younger, stories of her and her twin brother misbehaving. And I’ve heard AAAALLL of them before. I often say “Oo yes I remember you telling me this” and she just pays no attention and carries on and on. Painful.

My mother in law is like this too... First she bombards me with questions but doesn't really listen to the answers. Then she'll go on about people who I don't know - about Mary who's husbands sister who woke up dead, etc, etc. She dominates all conversations. When her husband died I realised I had rarely heard him talk as she talked over him all the time. My sister in law had had lovely chats with him when they had a cigarette outside but I never smoked.

Also to add that my mother in law has been like this since I met her (when she was around 50).

This is very true. I have one friend who just talks at me. Nothing to do with age. ADHD I suspect. I have to keep a mental check on not talking about myself or of my pet topics. Also when someone asks how I am, to reply "good thanks" we can delve if they ask specifically how's dd then I will say her drama.

I suspect I am neuro spicy as all my kids are. It takes a while and self awareness to realise your boring people. Especially when those around you do it all the time ( one friend bursting into tears most days) and everyone outwardly being OK with that non stop drama.

I wish we had socail skill classes!

MIL definitely shouldn’t be dominating and one uping but after a few congratulations and chats about exams/what’s next I think it would be natural for the conversation to move on a bit.

You need to tell her to stop relating everything back to herself. Tell her exactly what she's doing, not just that you've heard it before. Explain to her in no uncertain terms that not everything is about her. Tell her straight that she's being rude and dominating the conversation. Perhaps she needs it spelling out to her. Good luck🤞

I was with you until she was visibly upset. Yes, it is very annoying, and I don’t think you were wrong to say something, but it sounds like you might have been quite harsh, and you clearly did upset her.

Is there not a gentler way of bringing this back to your son, or whoever’s “day” it is?

Yes, I hear you. I also met my MIL when she was in her early 50s and she was monologuing about the past then. Even when we told her we were engaged she ranted about her engagement and not having a party blabla. She also loves to rant about how hard they worked in the 80s and didn't know what an avocado was (boils my blood when boomers do this). She leads an active life, but never says anything about other people because she never asks questions or listens.
I don't think she is autistic, just enabled by a very patient quiet husband and lovely sons. She rarely sees her siblings so I know it's not just me. I think if she had a daughter they'd be estranged.

Nah, MIL interrupted me and ranted when I first met her when she was 52. She has always dominated every conversation with mindless, irrelevant chat and I will continue to have boundaries and tell her I have heard this before. It's tragic nobody taught her basic social skills or perhaps they tried to and she didn't listen!

You sound like you hate her.

She'll know that.

So will your DH.

Happy days.

@TheRubyPoet

"I don't think she is autistic"

You wouldn't know.

And it wouldn't make any difference. You'd still talk to her like she was shit on your shoe, and feel justified in doing so.

Can you not say the “yes you’ve told us before” and then turn your attention to the person she interrupted and say “so, as you were saying” 😜 or ask someone else a question?

and sit your husband opposite her so she can blather at him when none listens ?

My mum does this. If i say that parking is tight up my street she will start a monologue about her neighbours. When i lost a bit of weight she droned on about her diet. When i hurt my knee my mum started rabbiting on about her cut finger. She also bleeted on about when she broke her leg when she was 4. She was shocked when my knee wasn't fully healed after 6 weeks. I got a monalogue about how her leg was healed in 6 weeks.

Your dh is quiet because growing up his mother did talking for him.

My sister is like that and my MI, they are bad listeners and prefer to talk.

You did great by telling her you’ve heard her stories before.

Op did nothing wrong.

😂

I know your pain because I have at least 3 close relatives who behave like this.

They were never taught to listen. In their head, every conversation is other side giving them cues to go on about. If you say your knee hurts, they will give you an essay on knee. If you say lost weight, they will make a speech on their weight loss journey. Throw me a topic and I will speak for 5 minutes on that 🤣

Ewww this reminds me of DH's grandmother. She thinks her opinion and dialogue is the only thing anyone ever wants to listen to. It's awful and makes me hate spending time with her.

@Sabire9

Some people are really quite unbearable. Some of them are your partners family. It's not new news. This happens.

OP hasn't anywhere indicated she's spoken to her MIL like shit on her shoe, but she has said that she finds her diatrabe annoying and inappropriate, and it's been going on for years since MIL was around 50, so this is not an age related condition, she's possibly just a self centred pain in the arse. They walk amongst us.

Your husband isn't called John is he ? Maybe he's my husband's brother ! 😂

YANBU to be irritated but try to ignore it and don’t give it your energy.
My Mum is a bugger for doing this. I could tell her I’d had a heart attack and was on life support and she’d turn it back to her 🙄
Ignore and move on 💪🏻