Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

[StressedHost]

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

This is even more ridiculous than your OP.

Tell her bluntly "No, you really cannot stay with us. It is uncomfortable for all concerned, really doesn't work for us and our flat just isn't big enough. You'll need to book a hotel."

Nothing other than total bluntness, even to the point of rudeness, gets through to these sorts of cheeky fuckers.

Prioritise your husband, marriage and child here and stop being such a wet lettuce.

If I were your DH I would be very angry with you and might even be considering whether I could live with your people pleasing tendencies going forward. I'd probably also be thinking of making my own point to these cheeky fuckers because I would know that you wouldn't do it. I honestly wouldn't blame him at all if he started being rude to them and banging on about it being time for them to leave with no return invitation.

Absolutely agree!

Mumsnet is overrun by people pleasers at the moment.😔

I think your reaction was extreme. Stopping noise until 7am would be reasonable concession, nonjumping/shouting. I had a friend who would visit with her 3 year old whi was allowed free runnof house by her mother - including jnto my sons’ rooms (then at school) and play with their legi models accidentally breaking their stuff. Next visit I quietly locked the door and child asked her mother ti get me to unlock it. So bad guests the other way around.

You let a man who you have never even met stay in the house with your young child?
Why would you do that?! What makes you trust him with your kid?
And they invited themselves. Would be a hard no from me. And I'd definitely be cancelling future visits. They're not even friends, just using you!!
If you let them stay that's incredibly unfair on your kid to make them act differently.

It’s the child’s home: s/he should play as they like and not be restricted by CFers who’ve imposed themselves on the OPs home

Nope.

My view here is 'you're in our house and this is how we live'.

Now, in practice, one might attenuate that a bit. Like, "can you not play guitar till after ten, so that Jen can have a lie-in?'

But the extent to which I'd do that would be proportional to how well I knew the guests ('no swearing while nan's here').

I wouldn't adjust very much for people I hardly knew who'd invited themselves.

Just as an aside, why did you say yes? More than once?

Cancel the future visits, it's crazy that you are that much of a pushover. You're not a hotel and this is your child's home! If a colleague is in town then I'll meet them for dinner and perhaps show them about but I wouldn't put them up unless we are also good friends.

When friends or family with young children are good enough to invite me to visit, then I fall in with their family routine, not the other way around. And I say that as someone determinedly childfree.

Some posters here need to check themselves honestly - you can disagree with the OP but is is strictly necessary to call her a 'pushover', 'doormat' and other rude things etc? Commenters getting the rush from collective outrage just being unnecessarily unpleasant.

OP - as a child free houseguest to homes with kids, I appreciate my friends making some element of effort to stop their kids barging into my room at 7, but I do expect to fall in with my hosts' routines. But then I am good friends with all people I stay with. In the circumstances you have outlined, I would maaaybe try and keep noise down from 7, but from then go about your business. I also don't think you are obligated to host these people, as you don't know them very well and they seem to be causing quite some disruption to you.

Give your dc free rein with noisiest toys & they them work
their magic on unwanted house guests.

1. never in this lifetime would I be such a people pleaser that an ex colleague and a man I’ve never met would be staying in my house with children. Hard no. You barely know the colleague and you don’t know her boyfriend.

1. even if I did know these people, I wouldn’t suppress my child in their own home to suit someone else.

It makes me irrationally angry! I can only imagine telling DH we had some people coming to stay; a former work colleague and a boyfriend we had never met. "Have you lost your remaining marble?" would be a likely response!

This should be a CF thread

Usually yes, kind of, though i expect house guests to get up pretty much with the rest of the house as long as it is reasonable. I get up at 5 and walk the dogs, dont expect people to be up and I would be quiet. DD is 11 and doesnt wake early but if I had a toddler I would try to keep them a bit quiet before say 8am. If she put her tele on really loud at 7 or something I would tell her to turn it down or put headphones on, thats good manners and not being a people pleaser. I wouldnt be changing their food or anything though ever even if they were my best friends in the world! If people want a big lie in I would expect them to go to a hotel. But from what you describe, no as they invited themselves and you dont want them there!

Two ones! Golly, you do feel strongly, don't you?

I think they sound cheeky as it is. They aren't friends and family and have no intention of spending time with you, just want to use your house like a hotel?

Sod that, they’re not close friends, why on earth did having virtual strangers in your flat even cross your mind? I honestly think they have a nerve to use your place because they’re cheapskates.

Sometimes someone comes along with such a baffling point of view that people are genuinely outraged by it.
I think push over and door mat are completely suitable words for this situation.
I for one can't believe she would think so low of her children to put them in this situation, god help her if she has a little girl.
'Yes darling I know we don't know this strange man but don't make noise Or bother him in our home'.
'Yes darling I know you don't feel comfortable with these people in your house but don't mention it, just put up and shut up, they also want to come back in a few weeks'.
I think at some point, usually when you become a mother you develop a protective layer around your children, you have to, they are helpless so it's hard to read that someone is actively showing them they are bottom of the barrel and need to take whatever anyone wants to give to them.

YABU
Children are people too. Why do their needs matter less than a guest!
you’re doing them a favour by letting them avoid accommodation cost. So they should compromise. If they want a hotel experience- pay for one.

also think about what you’re modelling for your child in terms of compromise vs ignoring your basic needs to suit others.

You sound like a massive push over and incapable of setting boundaries, if I’m honest.

You have let someone invite themselves to your home with a man you’ve never met - you’re not even friends with this person? & you’ve just, accepted it?

You think you should be attempting to keep your child quiet despite the fact these “guests” have invited them to your house knowing you have a young child

Your DH is right and you’re off your rocker

I am regularly astonished by the number of Mumsnet posters who are utter doormats with cheeky fucker acquaintances.

You are being mental. Why are you feeding your kid cookies for breakfast and not even letting them play in their own house so you can tiptoe round uninvited guests who are using you for free accommodation? Why have you decided these acquaintances are more important than your own kids?

This is seriously extreme people pleasing, to a damaging degree.

If the arrangement continues, get on with your lives as normal when they're there. If they don't like it and find it too noisy they can sort alternative accommodation. You need to get a grip and stiffen up your backbone.

A former colleague who you aren't even friends with who have invited themselves for long weekends?! Hmmmm...

I wouldn’t have even allowed them to stay given not friends and not a chance i’d keep my child quiet for uninvited guests

OP why can't you just tell her that it won't be possible to accommodate her and her boyfriend again? The last weekend proved too inconvenient for your family. You don't have to fall out (although likely she will fall out with you but she's a CF so no big loss).