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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

463 replies

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 09:11

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

OP posts:
MyMilchick · 10/07/2025 10:45

They wouldn't be staying with me in the first place! They invited themselves and you think you owe them quietness??!!! No to fuck!

Pipsquiggle · 10/07/2025 10:45

FFS @StressedHost this is the very definition of taking the piss.

You tell them what works for you.

You say:
We will be up in the morning from 6am as that's when DC gets up.
We live in a small flat, you can stay for a maximum of 1 night.
We live in a small flat, 2 extra people really affected our daily lives, please find other accommodation

If you can't do the above, tell us what you would like to happen.

Someone on here will be able to craft a diplomatically correct message for you to copy & send - Mumsnet is great for that.

LancashireButterPie · 10/07/2025 10:45

Just tell her, "Sorry sweetie, having people to stay just isn't working for us right now".

If you absolutely have to say more, you could blame DH, "DH really values his privacy and can't relax with others staying".

CoralOP · 10/07/2025 10:47

What on earth have I just read!
I consider myself a recovering people pleaser but I would never of been that pathetic, sorry but its the right word.
You have children and you're teaching them to give up their home for complete strangers and pussy foot around them to keep them happy, that is so terrible.

Start by improving yourself right now by messaging to say that was a pretty horrible weekend for you and your family, you never knew she was bringing soneone else and staying so long so you are cancelling the next one. And give your husband and children a big apology.

telestrations · 10/07/2025 10:47

No absoultly not this is madness

Next time you're put on the spot say "let me get back to you", if you find yourself having agreed to something "sorry on second thought that doesn't work is", having agreed let it happen and about to happen again "sorry that didn't work for us and we won't be able to do again". If pressed for why "doesn't work us" or "were a young family and that doesn't work for us" or "at this time". Just repeat, repeat, repeat without ever really going into it

Chazbots · 10/07/2025 10:47

No kids, complete sleep control freak, love my bed but nope, in someone else's house you fit in with their schedule and their DC. It's the DC's house where they live, not a rest home for tired colleagues.

TheArtfulNavyDreamer · 10/07/2025 10:48

You’re allowed to tell people it’s not convenient for them to come and stay. A simple no sorry that doesn’t work for us but if you’re staying at a hotel locally we could get together for drinks one evening.

TheArtfulNavyDreamer · 10/07/2025 10:49

Oh and give the kid some pans and a wooden spoon.

SL2924 · 10/07/2025 10:52

I can’t even believe you’re letting them freeload. Certainly don’t change your normal routine and behaviour.

what a couple of CFs

Therealjudgejudy · 10/07/2025 10:52

What a ridiculous situation you have put your family in!

Ellie56 · 10/07/2025 10:53

This is ridiculous. Your DH is right. This is your home and your child's home so you should all just carry on as normal.

Go into the kitchen and make your coffee and breakfast and whatever else you need to do. These people are rude CF freeloading users. Who cares if they get woken up by your normal day to day activities? If they want peace and quiet they can book into a hotel and pay like most people would.

Chances are if you stop tiptoeing around and behave normally, they might cancel their next visits. Win win!

youreactinglikeafunmum · 10/07/2025 10:53

Go on with life as usual 😭😭, they know you have a child xx

StrongandNorthern · 10/07/2025 10:54

TheArtfulNavyDreamer · 10/07/2025 10:49

Oh and give the kid some pans and a wooden spoon.

This!!

UpsideDownChairs · 10/07/2025 10:56

Somewhere between the two extremes.

So maybe I'd have an instant coffee if the coffee machine was that bad but I wouldn't do without, I'd remind DS that we have guests and to keep it down, but I wouldn't be cross with him if he forgot, I'd just remind him again.

Basically I'd be reasonable, I wouldn't think 'screw them - I'm doing my normal Zumba at 5:30am', but neither would I be tiptoeing around and hiding in my bedroom

PoisedGoldBiscuit · 10/07/2025 10:57

Please cancel future visits from these CFs, you owe them nothing!

labamba18 · 10/07/2025 10:59

I actually didn’t think this was real when I first read it! OP, you’re getting walked all over here. I can’t believe they wouldn’t offer you any money either. Let your child have fun and relax as normal in your own home!

Donewithallthis · 10/07/2025 10:59

I find it odd that you care more about the comfort and preferences of people who invited themselves to stay in your home despite you not being close to them over the comfort of your children.

It is their home, why should they adapt to these 'guests' ?

labamba18 · 10/07/2025 10:59

Oh yes and agree with others cancel the future visits

godmum56 · 10/07/2025 11:00

Ellie56 · 10/07/2025 10:53

This is ridiculous. Your DH is right. This is your home and your child's home so you should all just carry on as normal.

Go into the kitchen and make your coffee and breakfast and whatever else you need to do. These people are rude CF freeloading users. Who cares if they get woken up by your normal day to day activities? If they want peace and quiet they can book into a hotel and pay like most people would.

Chances are if you stop tiptoeing around and behave normally, they might cancel their next visits. Win win!

never mind waiting for them to cancel, the OP should be cancelling them now!

LilacReader · 10/07/2025 11:00

Let your child be exactly as they normally would. At least if the noise bothers them they definitely won't ask to stay again!

PansyPotter84 · 10/07/2025 11:00

No bloody chance would they’ve staying with me!

Boyfriend you’ve never met could be an axe murderer or a paedo or anyone!

BunnyLake · 10/07/2025 11:01

Cancel their next visits. They can book a hotel or AirBnB. This is one of the most ridiculous things I've read. I’m an introvert, that doesn’t mean I’m a walkover.

Wadadli · 10/07/2025 11:01

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 09:11

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

Your husband is right: you’re being unreasonable to him and your child who should not have their lives impacted by CFers who aren’t actually friends of your family. Cancel any planned visits then block them.

Wishimaywishimight · 10/07/2025 11:01

If you live somewhere touristy then myself and DH might pop over for weekend in August? Don't worry, we don't mind a bit of noise. We'll let you know what time we'll be there so you can have lunch ready 😀

Lovelyview · 10/07/2025 11:02

Normal noise - chatting, eating, watching TV - is fine from 7.30. (screaming and banging is never fine though). Do you think they are your friends OP? They might be perfectly happy to be woken up by your child, love the family environment and like you and your husband a lot. It seems strange to go from tiptoeing around trying to make everything perfect for them to saying they can't visit at all. If you don't see them as friends, then it's fine to say no. I've got a friend who lives in London and I frequently stay with her when I visit the city. We usually go for a meal together and I often go off on my own during the day. I'm not a CF, that's just how our friendship has developed.