Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

[StressedHost]

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

Wtf? Your DH is 100% right. I wouldn't have let those people stay in the first place, but if somehow I did, then there's no fucking way I'd be minimising any disruption.

If they liked 'sleep ins' and 'long meals' they would be free to fuck off to a hotel to have them. They're the ones who imposed themselves on a household with a child.

Christ no. Firstly, sounds like they are just using you for a free place to stay and I’d put an end to that right there.

But no, generally don’t change anything about our lives for houseguests. The only rule is that you don’t go into their room uninvited as it’s a private space for them (otherwise spare room is used like a second lounge in our house, so they are used to going in there to watch tv).

Unless you have paying Airbnb guests, unfortunately it’s going to be noisy and we’re going to have to work meals around kids and family life. No one is ever prevented from just getting a hotel or holiday let though and just visiting us for the day. I’ve yet to have anyone opt for that instead.

I'm childfree and wouldn't expect the children of anyone I was visiting to be kept quiet or out of the way. If I didn't feel I could cope with the noise of children for a few days, I wouldn't visit.

I'm childfree and wouldn't expect the children of anyone I was visiting to be kept quiet or out of the way. If I didn't feel I could cope with the noise of children for a few days, I wouldn't visit.

You don’t need to tie yourself in knots and hint strongly, you just say “no, that won’t work for us but I can recommend x hotel if that helps”

As for having to work with her in the future, how much trouble can a much more junior person make? If she starts making noises, just let people know what the real story was. If you were mentoring her, it sounds like you could make way more trouble for her than she could for you.

I’m all for being respectful of guests and reminding your kids to keep the noise down if they are sleeping. That’s the right thing to do, but stop blaming this couple for being in your home. You could have said no.

Bonkers. Tell them to F off and let them be “precious”

There’s no way I would have my child change in their own home for a guest. If they don’t like it they can sod off to a hotel.

"I tried to say that maybe it would not be very relaxing for them with our DC waking early..."

There's your issue. What you should have said was "No."

So - 'Sorry, I'm going to have to cancel your visit. Aunt/Cousin/sister/whoever needs to stay then (do not explain further). Here are some Airbnbs in the area which look quite reasonable'

In future, No, sorry, decorators are in/child is poorly/DH has a lot of work on

And never allow it again

And do they pay/bring wine/flowers/gift?

You have serious Wet Lettuce Syndrome, OP. Leave aside entirely trying to keep your children quiet for four hours in your own home -- you let a former colleague you're 'not particularly friends with' and a total stranger 'invite themselves' to stay with you for several summer weekends to attend events in your city????

I only encounter this on Mn. Why on earth would anyone do this? Bluntly, what is wrong with you?

You aren't making a good impression on your co-worker, she's sussed out that you are a chump and she can take advantage of you for free housing and fuck your family.

Of course your husband is pissed. You treat your family badly to fawn over a rude acquaintance who brought a complete stranger into your home with your young child.

Which is more important to you, playing chump to please someone you hardly know and a stranger or your family?

You need therapy to deal with your extreme lack of boundaries. You need a wakeup call to not endanger your family by letting a complete stranger stay in your home.

Cancel those upcoming visits.

I don't think that's what's going on. I think people enjoy the moral righteousness and convince themselves they have the right to be unpleasant to other people from behind the safety of a screen.

Let your child make as much noise as they want and hopefully they won’t want to come back and take advantage again!!

If you want to be extra kind, keep the noise down and stay out of the kitchen until 7:30. But keeping your child quiet until 10am and feeding him cookies for breakfast is extreme, so on that basis YABU.

I would have told them at the start that DS wakes up at 6:30, so they might hear you in the kitchen. Then they could choose to stay on your terms or go to a hotel. Definitely don’t inconvenience your family for the sake of some acquaintances.

They were disturbed by DC playing in the living area while they had long drawn out dinners at our kitchen table, the lie-ins, generally wanting to have long conversation over meals without DC interrupting.

This is crazy OP, they are CFs. Did they even offer for you to have dinner with them? You have plenty of time between now and the end of the month, they can find other accommodation.

Edited for typo

I’m with your husband, if they don’t like your child’s noise they stay elsewhere! FYI not your guests either if you didn’t invite them

I never understand posts where guests have "invited themselves" to stay overnight or multiple nights at someone's house. Erm, no, they may have suggested it but you agreed. You said yes, you arranged the dates and you let them in. You're acting as though you had no agency in the matter at all.

It is not their fault if you don't want them there.

Anyway, as a child-free person who is not overly keen on general child noise - no, you don't need to keep your children quiet and out of my way if I'm staying with you. I know you have children, if I'm close enough to you to stay at your house then I know what your children are like, and it's my job to deal with those things. If it was me you wouldn't have to worry about them waking me up as I'm a naturally early riser anyway. Just don't expect me to play with them and we're good!

I can see you've taken what's been said on board! I wouldn't let my kid go in and wake guests unless it was actual family staying, but I wouldn't be put off using the kitchen or other parts of the flat. It's your home, not a hotel.

Oh my God OP uninvite them, say it didn't work last time because of your kids and was too stressful but you're sure they'll find a nice Airbnb, you had a lovely time but you can't do it again. Christ she can't cause you career issues because you refused to host her, her partner and her fucking entitled demands for long weekends in your own home! Who gives a fuck if you have to work with her again. Please OP not only advocate for yourself but your family! They don't deserve to be treated like shit by a stranger in their own homes. It will damage your relationship with your OH if you ignore his concerns.

I feel for you in a sense, having agreed to let young adults I didn't know especially well stay in my house, then discovering they see me as a kind of parental figure and act accordingly. Actually DH is more of a people pleaser in that kind of context, which makes it trickier to point out that they are in their twenties and I don't want to be their mummy. Anyway. Point these CFs in the direction of the nearest hotel if they can't take you as they find you.

Jesus. Please send this person an email since I could imagine doing it face to face/over the phone might be difficult for you.

Hi Sally,
It was very nice to meet (boyfriend) at the weekend, you seem so happy together - you make a lovely couple! I really enjoyed catching up with you over dinner.
I wanted to give you as much notice as possible that we're not going to be able to host you on the (date) to the (date), but please do let me know how you get on at the (work thing). I've heard good things about the (hotel name) on (road name)
Take care xxx

OP, you don't need a plan to keep your children quiet - you need to cancel their other stays - all of them. Do it today.

They are grossly over-stepping and you have more than fulfilled any sense of politeness or hospitality to this woman by putting them up for one weekend. The cheek of her bringing a complete stranger into your home.

Cancel them now - tell them it no longer works - don't give excuses that they can try to 'fix'. Put yourself and your family before this really rude and pushy pair!

Tbh I'd tell them we were too busy for house guests! Reserve that privilege for family and genuine friends.

Commenters getting the rush from collective outrage just being unnecessarily unpleasant.

The definitive tagline for Mumsnet 🤣
(I’m saying this partly tongue in cheek - I have also had very useful advice on here as well)