Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

[StressedHost]

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

I haven't read your updates, if there are any. I'm answering to your original post and seriously wondering why on earth are you asking this question.

You are receiving guests inviting themselves to your home. One is an ex-colleague and the other her boyfriend you haven't even met. The question is not whether you need to change your family everyday life for people who aren't your friends but why on earth did you accept their staying in your home when you didn't invite them?

If the people staying with you were your elderly parents or PIL people that often have problems with sleep, my answer would be different. I'd understand trying to be kind and control as much as possible a rambunctious child. But for these CFs? Why on earth would you do it?

They don't want to visit YOU, they want to use YOUR FLAT as a base, it doesn't matter how the arrangement came about, or if you are close to them or not, if they are coming to stay with you then THEY adapt to how YOU live, not the other way around! Good grief OP.

Why are you and DH rowing about it? Because he is being sensible and you are being ridiculous? It's happened, they are coming and you need to be on his team with this, if little one is up at 5:30 I think it would be polite to keep the noise minimal (no screaming or shouting etc) if you have guests till 7am, but after that it is all out normal household noise, if it wakes them up earlier than they wanted then they can stay in a hotel next time!

I can't believe you kept quiet and didn't even have a coffee until 10am last time!! and I can't believe you a rowing with your DH when he is talking such perfect sense!! Get a grip woman!!

Are you mad? Yes try to minimise noise at 6am but go on with your life - make breakfast and really after 8am it’s make the usual noise!
How you accepted this arrangement (any chance you can change it?) is beyond me but if they want free lodging then they put up with the routine of the house. If they find the kids annoying then I’m sure there are plenty of hotels/airbnbs out there.
In fact, maybe making some noise will encourage them to shove off sooner.

Errr...it. is your own child's home and you are making them uncomfortable to accommodate a couple you don't know all that well who have gatecrashed for a series of free mini breaks? You sound overly people-pleasing and I agree with your DH that this is not something to pass on to your child. It would be different if you had an elderly or sick relative staying, and you were teaching your child how to put someone else's needs before their own...but this is madness.

There is surely a middle ground here?

I’m mostly on the side of your DH. If you have guests that are happy to come and stay with you and avail themselves of free accommodation, they should adapt to your household. Your kids shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells and be silent the whole time.

Equally, I generally tell my kids not to be screaming and shouting early in the morning because it is inconsiderate to our neighbours, so I would expect the same consideration for house guests.

When we wake up, we read, draw or watch cartoons on a reasonable volume until it’s a reasonable time. Maybe 7.30/8 weekdays or 9 on a weekend. Then they can play noisier games. It’s not fair to expect them to stay quiet til 10am!!!

I’m having trouble believing this is a real scenario tbh.
who does this kind of thing in reality?!

If this is genuine then needless to say your husband is 100% correct and you never should have agreed to it. It’s utterly absurd!

You are being unreasonable to put up with this. Virtual strangers in your flat, using it as a base for sight seeing. No, just no. Don't let them stay again and let your kids do as they normally would whilst they are there.

@StressedHost When you say that:

The reality was then of course different. They were disturbed by DC playing in the living area while they had long drawn out dinners at our kitchen table, the lie-ins, generally wanting to have long conversation over meals without DC interrupting.'

Do you mean that they actually complained about your DC playing in the living area of her own home and about your DC interrupting? If this is the case, how come you aren't absolutely incandescent with rage at their rudeness and sense of entitlement?

You may be colleagues in the same industry but you don't have to put up with this any more and surely other people in your industry would be more shocked at the behaviour from these cheeky fuckers than you telling them that the future visits aren't possible as they are too disruptive for your child?

My friends dont gave kids
So whenever we stay at theirs or they have us we keep the kids distracted and quiet until around 7.30 after that its fair game

Why would you let people (you barely know) invite themselves to your home? They’d be sent packing the cheeky cunts!

I think it's basic courtesy to try to keep the noise down if the children are up before about 8 am but I wouldn't stop them playing or doing the usual things especially if they basically invited themselves!

If your child be themselves at home in their safe space, where can they?

your guests know there’s a child

Yeah. There are two engines that drive AIBU. One is quite benign, and the other one - the one you describe - isn't..

They generate about equal power.

Perhaps a white lie, as you are so averse to causing upset and want to keep work relations cordial for the future? Text her that, for example, your MIL is coming to stay for the forseeable, so you won't be able to have her stay there after all (on her three next "booked" and ten next planned free vacations at hotel you). I think she is utterly taking advantage of your good nature.

Wow, they're absolute chancers regardless of what you do in the mornings.

Why are these people even in your house??

This is crazy. My husband wouldn’t even want friends staying this often let alone former colleagues who aren’t even spending time with you

I think in general is helpful to teach your children courtesy, however, these guest invited themselves to your home. You should carrying on with your day as normal.

No because they wouldn't be in my house , you aren't even friends?! Why are they staying at your house?

So basically as you were her mentor at work she thinks you'll let her stay and take care of her? I know she's quite young but quite old enough for you to be straight with her Op _ you only agreed to one stay of two days, no boyfriend, no extra four days, no taking over your house. Tell her the visit caused problems at home and she'll have to find somewhere else to stay in future. It doesn't matter if she thinks you're petty, it's not her decision.
I get the feeling she may have been overindulged in the past and expects too much, time for her to grow up and pay her own way. If you don't say No now you'll be hosting her, her DP and her future DC for years

Are you crazy??? Firstly why the hell did you let two people you barely know (one who you don't know at all) invite themselves to stay in your home??? And secondly why would you bend over backwards for them?? This is nuts.

Personally I’d say there’s a middle ground, I always remember my sister shushing her kids if they do much as moved when we stayed over (before we had kids lol!) and when I told her it was fine she just talked to them and told them not to be really noisy in the mornings. As long as they’re not clashing saucepans or turning the telly up to 100 I’d say they’re fine

Do you have a tendency to be a bit of a people- pleasing doormat, OP? I'm not trying to be rude but this is insane!

These people are CF's who have created quite the imposition, for SEVERAL weekends even though you are not close, and you think your entire family should be inconvenienced IN THEIR OWN HOME even though they have had zero say in the matter?!

Wake up, OP.

As a Mother, it's your job to put your family first.

Cookies and silence for breakfast. WTF.

I think this nails it. I feel kind of like a parental figure for her in some ways...I trained her on some aspects of our job at my old org. Also I know that they being still junior at work are much less better off than me, and would probably not have the money to just go to a hotel in our expensive city.
Also, the last time, the BF had already booked his train ticket when his visit was announced, so I felt I could not say no anymore.
I also try to be understanding in the sense that in your 20s, you are probably not aware that young kids wake early, have dinner early and can be noisy. So probably they thought they really like kids and are "morning people" (I guess getting up at 10 am could qualify you as a "morning person" in your 20s?).
They also never directly told DC anything, they just looked at me with this expectant look that I make DC be quiet when he was too noisy during their meals.

DH is pissed (rightly so) with me for inviting them

You DID NOT INVITE THEM! You said she ASKED to stay with you, that is completely different. And then once you'd agreed, she announced she'd be bringing her boyfriend too.

Seriously woman. Grow a backbone.