Page 6 | To think this teacher should be sacked??

Isitorisitnot12 · 2025-07-08T17:21:20+00:00

ds1 is 11 (adhd) and being taught in a secondary school by a teacher. This teacher has a child who is 8 and so is my ds2 and are both in the same class in another school.I found out a few months ago that in fact she teaches my son. Her son goes into school today and tells people that his mother had said that ‘your class mate’ (my ds2)’s brother has special needs and so people have been approaching my son asking if it was true that his brother has special needs??? Is this outrages or what?? i work in a school and no way i would do that.

ByCyanMoose · 09/07/2025 02:51

Plamilt · 08/07/2025 18:32

No, she obviously should not be sacked based on incoherent hearsay.

Even if she did refer to someone's special educational needs in the context of education, this isn't confidential or an offence to be disciplined.

If you don’t consider private information about a student’s learning disability to be confidential, I hope you are not working in a school or any other context where you are responsible for safeguarding children. That raises serious questions about your judgement.

Isitreallysohard · 09/07/2025 02:56

Isitorisitnot12 · 08/07/2025 18:27

no. my son is in mainstream. He is one of the top achievers in class but has adhd and can someone play up. There is no reason her son should know about his classmate’s brothers disability.

I guess this is the problem with everyone going on about SEN and using it to excuse everything, if that's how people respond and react now that's the general impression it has created. For example, before people had ADHD, it wasn't even a thing and no big deal. Maybe the odd joke if someone was being a bit hyperactive. Now SEN is rolled out for everything, and made to be a big deal. Just look on the threads on here. It also lumps everyone in the same category which is unfair. People are so quick to label themselves and their children.

ByCyanMoose · 09/07/2025 02:56

Blurrywateryeye · 08/07/2025 21:19

No the teacher shouldn’t be sacked. You’re being ridiculous. Kids lie. The end.

Yeah, assuming “kids lie. The end” is not the approach recommended in any safeguarding guidance I’ve ever received. It’s the surest way to ensure any abuse continues.

CharmingDryad · 09/07/2025 02:57

Having special needs is observable in classroom practices. It’s not confidential.

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 09/07/2025 05:55

EnidSpyton · 08/07/2025 23:11

I'm a teacher.

I think you need to get some perspective here.

There is no such thing as confidentiality in a school when it comes to any type of learning need. I've got several students in each class with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, etc - and they all need extra time or laptops or whatever whenever we do assessments, so all the kids know who the kids are with additional needs in their class as it's very much out in the open.

And guess what? No one cares. We celebrate neurodiversity week at school, we encourage students to share their experiences to raise awareness, and we actively promote the benefits of neurodiversity. It's 2025. There's no reason to be ashamed of having ADHD and quite frankly you shouldn't be teaching your child to feel this way about their diagnosis.

It's important that children understand and appreciate that everyone is different, that some people have conditions or illnesses or whatever that might make them struggle with certain things, and that we're all here to help and support each other and not judge or make fun.

With regard to this specific teacher and her child in your younger son's class, you have absolutely no knowledge of how this got passed on to her child, and so therefore complaining to the headteacher or Chair of Governors (ffs!!), claiming she has 'breached confidentiality' is a ridiculous escalation and also not necessarily the truth. Her son may have overheard her speaking to a colleague, or seen an email, or something of that nature - or she may just have accidentally said something in response to her son saying something like 'you teach my friend's brother, Jack' and her saying 'Jack who?' and him saying 'my friend says he's really naughty' and her saying 'oh he's not naughty, he's just got ADHD', and then her son saying 'what's ADHD?' and her saying 'oh, it's a type of special need.' All very innocent and unthinking.

I really wouldn't see this as something to get het up about. I'd be more concerned as to why you're so intent on treating your son's ADHD as a shameful secret.

But those things are a breach of confidentiality. If I leave a spreadsheet of data open on my laptop and someone inappropriate reads it and sees that a student has "sen" in the appropriate column, then that is a data breach. It's why you need to lock your computer when you walk away.

They don't mean a person should be sacked though

Original poster

Isitorisitnot12 · 09/07/2025 06:16

Thanks everyone. My son joined this school at the beginning of the year and had one parents evening in march at which point i already knew who the teacher was.
Yes specify names were mentioned and her son specifically said to this random boy that ‘my mum said xy’s brother is special needs’
so this boy then approached my son and asked.
Anyhow i’m really not sure i will take this further as dp said and i agree even if all is true and she did say it to her son, the fact that i questioned her, will make her extra cautious on the future about anything similar.
I just hope she is mature enough that she won’t reflect this on the son she currently teaches. Only a week left of school and let’s hope she won’t teach him next year

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Moonnstars · 09/07/2025 06:23

I think you need to be careful as you are taking the word of an 8 year old who is saying someone else has said this.
The teacher may have said nothing at all but the son may have picked up other information, I assume your son knows his brother has ADHD? Maybe the other boy heard something said and then has used that.
Also would your eldest have gone to the same primary school where it is more likely to be known he had ADHD?
As it is generally known in primary school who has what, if they need medication at lunchtime and their classmates remind them. It is also used as an 'excuse' for different behaviours - why does so and so get to go outside more than us? The need brain breaks. So and so swore. That's not ok and I will talk to them about it, but remember they don't always react the same and process information the same way.

arcticpandas · 09/07/2025 06:25

Isitorisitnot12 · 08/07/2025 21:50

As cross as i am not sure i could handle if me reporting this would cause her to lose the job but at the same time i think its important for her to learn to never do it again (if in fact this is all true)

If she's a subject teacher and not a special teacher in secondary she probably has mentioned something about your son at home. I would put it down to ignorance rather than maliciousness and move on. As you said, you don't want to give her problems and she's probably stressed out having mentioned it (adding to the stress of divorce etc) so it would be kind of you to let it go.

It's not a secret. Other students know about it. You can explain that x has some difficulties but despite those he's doing really well for himself and that you're proud of him. Adhd is very common so no need to treat it as a dirty little secret even though I do agree with you that she shouldn't have talked about it at home.

Original poster

Isitorisitnot12 · 09/07/2025 06:33

@arcticpandas i agree regards to my older son and it probably be ok with him but i don’t like the idea of the younger son being brought into it at his school. I think being questioned if your older brother has special needs when he has no idea, can be confusing to a 7-8 year old. There is no guarantee this will stop on its own by me taking no action so will have to keep an eye on it.

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NerrSnerr · 09/07/2025 06:50

Whether this thread is real or not I am surprised at how many posters think it’s ok to share that a child has special needs with others. Of course there are situations where children in the same class know due to adjustments made etc but it’s not ok to just tell anyone.

Also; how some people have just accepted that if she’s WFH it’s ok that children may overhear/ read things. I’m a nurse who WFH and any confidential papers are kept well away from children, never left out and any conversations are away from anyone else in the family (I do not WFH when the children are here unless it’s an absolute emergency, child gets sent home etc).

Moonnstars · 09/07/2025 07:19

Isitorisitnot12 · 09/07/2025 06:33

@arcticpandas i agree regards to my older son and it probably be ok with him but i don’t like the idea of the younger son being brought into it at his school. I think being questioned if your older brother has special needs when he has no idea, can be confusing to a 7-8 year old. There is no guarantee this will stop on its own by me taking no action so will have to keep an eye on it.

Doesn't he know about his brother though? I assume they live together?

Kids move on from things so quickly. So and so says their mum says your brother has ADHD? Yes. Ok shall we play tag.

Remember it isn't even directly the son of the teacher saying this, you have said it's another boy so it could come from anywhere. What if it was another mum and not a teacher who said this?

You seem to be making a big deal out of your youngest not knowing.

BunnyRuddington · 09/07/2025 07:26

I wouldn’t go to the Teacher. I would go to the HT.

MyRootinTootinBaby · 09/07/2025 07:26

When I was at primary school, my brother’s friends were mocking a girl in my year group who was special needs. We’d never been told, and it likely wasn’t obvious to all children and others thought she was just odd, but I said to the boys mocking her to leave her alone as she was disabled.

I got into so much trouble at school. Dragged out of lessons. Forced to meet her mum and apologise etc. for spreading the rumour that she was special needs. In secondary, she went to a special school and then into accommodation to help look after her as an adult. I always regretted standing up for her, it wasn’t worth the trouble that I got into and the way that adults thought I was a horrible child for it.

Anyways, my point is, ADHD is often not secret behaviour and can come across as odd or naughty, and maybe she’s had to tell her son to be kind and that’s what has translated into school.

Isitreallysohard · 09/07/2025 07:49

MyRootinTootinBaby · 09/07/2025 07:26

When I was at primary school, my brother’s friends were mocking a girl in my year group who was special needs. We’d never been told, and it likely wasn’t obvious to all children and others thought she was just odd, but I said to the boys mocking her to leave her alone as she was disabled.

I got into so much trouble at school. Dragged out of lessons. Forced to meet her mum and apologise etc. for spreading the rumour that she was special needs. In secondary, she went to a special school and then into accommodation to help look after her as an adult. I always regretted standing up for her, it wasn’t worth the trouble that I got into and the way that adults thought I was a horrible child for it.

Anyways, my point is, ADHD is often not secret behaviour and can come across as odd or naughty, and maybe she’s had to tell her son to be kind and that’s what has translated into school.

That is a really good point. Sorry that happened to you, when you were only trying to be nice.

simsbustinoutmimi · 09/07/2025 09:30

MyRootinTootinBaby · 09/07/2025 07:26

When I was at primary school, my brother’s friends were mocking a girl in my year group who was special needs. We’d never been told, and it likely wasn’t obvious to all children and others thought she was just odd, but I said to the boys mocking her to leave her alone as she was disabled.

I got into so much trouble at school. Dragged out of lessons. Forced to meet her mum and apologise etc. for spreading the rumour that she was special needs. In secondary, she went to a special school and then into accommodation to help look after her as an adult. I always regretted standing up for her, it wasn’t worth the trouble that I got into and the way that adults thought I was a horrible child for it.

Anyways, my point is, ADHD is often not secret behaviour and can come across as odd or naughty, and maybe she’s had to tell her son to be kind and that’s what has translated into school.

They did the right think punishing you. You might have had good intentions by sticking up for her rather then informing a teacher, but they were correct in that it wasn’t for you to tell.

CinnamonBuns67 · 09/07/2025 09:40

Yanbu it's inappropriate. I'd speak to the headteacher, I'd not necessarily want her sacked but I would want her to be given a stern talking and an official warning to ensure she doesn't do it again.

BedlingtonWillow · 09/07/2025 10:24

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But if you don't know that's what you're doing, because they're in a parent's group for another child? OP did say the teacher had just realised she taught the other son.

And, of course, lots of teachers do things they're not supposed to. They're not all saints or totally professional all the time, right? Just like any other profession.

simsbustinoutmimi · 09/07/2025 10:25

BedlingtonWillow · 09/07/2025 10:24

But if you don't know that's what you're doing, because they're in a parent's group for another child? OP did say the teacher had just realised she taught the other son.

And, of course, lots of teachers do things they're not supposed to. They're not all saints or totally professional all the time, right? Just like any other profession.

Show quote history

She later said (a few posts back) she met the teacher during her eldest sons parents evening and did know her after all

BedlingtonWillow · 09/07/2025 10:26

simsbustinoutmimi · 09/07/2025 10:25

She later said (a few posts back) she met the teacher during her eldest sons parents evening and did know her after all

Show quote history

Ah, I haven't caught up since last night. I concede it's probably a load of bollocks. Most posts on here do seem to be a load of made-up rubbish these days.

Original poster

Isitorisitnot12 · 09/07/2025 10:31

Gosh i can’t believe a few of still trying to find a hole in the story 😂
Yes. by the time the parents evening happened, i was aware that she taught my son as it was after the time she mentioned it on whatsapp 😂
if you want to spend your day analysing this thread, be my guest.

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simsbustinoutmimi · 09/07/2025 10:32

Isitorisitnot12 · 09/07/2025 10:31

Gosh i can’t believe a few of still trying to find a hole in the story 😂
Yes. by the time the parents evening happened, i was aware that she taught my son as it was after the time she mentioned it on whatsapp 😂
if you want to spend your day analysing this thread, be my guest.

But you said you’d only just raised the issue with her recently? And she messsged back saying about the lies.

simsbustinoutmimi · 09/07/2025 10:36

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Original poster

Isitorisitnot12 · 09/07/2025 10:39

i don’t mean to be patronising @simsbustinoutmimi but you make me think, you struggle to understand written english.
Her teaching my son is NOT an issue. It’s not a breach of confidentiality.
Her telling her son that my older child has special needs, IS the issue.
The two did not happen at the same time in fact there months in between her telling me that she knew my older son and the incident happening.
Hope this puts you on the right track for your line of story.

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simsbustinoutmimi · 09/07/2025 10:40

Isitorisitnot12 · 09/07/2025 10:39

i don’t mean to be patronising @simsbustinoutmimi but you make me think, you struggle to understand written english.
Her teaching my son is NOT an issue. It’s not a breach of confidentiality.
Her telling her son that my older child has special needs, IS the issue.
The two did not happen at the same time in fact there months in between her telling me that she knew my older son and the incident happening.
Hope this puts you on the right track for your line of story.

Yes I’m well aware. But your time scales keep changing RE what happened and when.

Original poster

Isitorisitnot12 · 09/07/2025 10:40

I would say 99% of who read this, understand what happened so let’s leave it now @simsbustinoutmimi

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