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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be livid about DH’s “holiday”??

130 replies

Imacetar · 08/07/2025 18:07

I don’t even know where to start tbh. Might be being a bit hormonal but this has really wound me up.

So DH mentioned a few weeks ago that he’d planned a “lads weekend” with a couple of his uni mates. Fair enough - he doesn’t go out that often and I thought it might do him good. He was very vague about the details but said it was “cheap and cheerful” and just a few nights away to “let off steam”.

Anyway today I check our joint account and see a £670 payment to some posh spa hotel in the Lake District. Naturally I ring him thinking it’s fraud or something and he casually goes “oh yeah we upgraded - one of the lads has a bad back and we wanted something a bit more comfortable”.

Sorry what?? Since when do three grown men randomly upgrade to a spa hotel with massage treatments and a hot tub view?? Doesn’t sit right with me. Sounds more like something you’d do with your partner - not your old uni mates.

Meanwhile I’ve done school run, cleaned up DS’s sick (dodgy fish fingers), tried to delouse DD’s hair AGAIN and the dog’s trotted mud through the whole house. But it’s alright for him - he’s having a “relaxing break” with scented candles and a robe.

I’m trying not to go full detective but honestly it just doesn’t add up.

AIBU to think there’s more to this than he’s saying? Would you call him out now or wait til he’s back? I feel like a mug.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 08/07/2025 18:10

So you’re ok with him going away somewhere cheap to let off steam but not ok with him going to a spa? What’s the difference, either way he is away from home and you would have had to do the things you listed anyway.
I think YABU

youwouldthink · 08/07/2025 18:12

This does not sound like a 'lads' break at all!!

BeachPossum · 08/07/2025 18:13

What do you mean 'something doesn't add up'? Do you think he's having an affair or lying about something?

Otherwise, as long as you can afford it I don't get the drama. You should also have a break though, you should get equal access to time off.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 08/07/2025 18:14

Coconutter24 · 08/07/2025 18:10

So you’re ok with him going away somewhere cheap to let off steam but not ok with him going to a spa? What’s the difference, either way he is away from home and you would have had to do the things you listed anyway.
I think YABU

^ This

What does it matter if he is going on a cheap weekend away or a spa weekend away? And I am not sure why the need to tell us about the stuff you have to deal with as its irrelevant.

You say you don't begrudge him going away as you think it will be good for him then on the other hand moan about the things you will have to do while he is away. Sounds like its more jealousy about the fact he gets to relax all weekend.

Simple answer is when he gets back book yourself into one and leave him with the kids.

Bournetilly · 08/07/2025 18:14

If you can afford it I don’t understand the problem but it’s different if you are struggling for money.

I doubt he’s having an affair, he’s booked it on the joint account.

irregularegular · 08/07/2025 18:16

Well I guess it depends on your husband, but there are plenty of men I can imagine booking a nice spa hotel with friends for a break.

Is the problem that you think it is too expensive? Or that you are suspicious he is going with someone else?

Echobelly · 08/07/2025 18:16

I think YABU - he's allowed to have a fancy holiday with mates - but , as other posters have said, you are well within your rights to make sure you get a break this year too.

Anotherheatwave · 08/07/2025 18:16

Does he drink? Can’t see him having a boozy weekend in a spa. Depends what type of blokes they are.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 08/07/2025 18:17

Go full detective. Either he is innocent and you can spend the same amount of money on yourself, as that's only fair.

Or he isn't innocent and you won't be his childcare and housekeeper whilst he plays around.

PreciousMomentsHun · 08/07/2025 18:18

Yeah nah.

Bananalanacake · 08/07/2025 18:19

Do you know his friends, are they going out boozing types or more relaxed. Either way you should also get a weekend to yourself while he looks after the kids.

Snorlaxo · 08/07/2025 18:19

Is the problem that you assumed cheap and cheerful meant £300 rather than the £600+ that he spent?
Based on my income £600 is not cheap and cheerful but it might be for others.

Or is the problem that spa is quite coupley and you are worried a woman is one of the attendees?

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 08/07/2025 18:20

That would ring massive alarm bells to me, honestly.

FetchezLaVache · 08/07/2025 18:20

I work in a posh spa hotel and we don't get that many lads coming for a get-together with their uni mates. Just saying.

Sauvin · 08/07/2025 18:20

It’s not clear what the actual problem is. You said you don’t mind him going away so it’s not that. Is it the expense? Can you afford it?

Or you think he’s having an affair?

AgnesX · 08/07/2025 18:22

In the Lake District that sounds about right for a weekend (there's a spa hotel I'd love to go to that would be a pinch!)

There wouldn't be a lot of boozing I'd have thought, it's not that kind of places although there are enough Spoons kind of places.

Ps I'm old so if that's wrong don't savage me.

Ontobetterthings · 08/07/2025 18:22

I would be suspicious. I dont know anyone who has done a fancy spa weekend with the lads.

Boreded · 08/07/2025 18:22

If you don’t believe him, fine. Just send a friend to check who he is there with. Then it is just a coincidence that they were there at the same time.

Or if you’ve not been there before, ask him for pictures so you can see what it is like…and watch him squirm.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 08/07/2025 18:22

Snorlaxo · 08/07/2025 18:19

Is the problem that you assumed cheap and cheerful meant £300 rather than the £600+ that he spent?
Based on my income £600 is not cheap and cheerful but it might be for others.

Or is the problem that spa is quite coupley and you are worried a woman is one of the attendees?

If a woman was one of the attendees though, and he was up to no good, it would be a bloody stupid thing to do to book and pay for it through their joint account. 🤔It was obvious OP would see it.

Unless one of the attendees is actually a female uni friend and its not all just lads?

Stompythedinosaur · 08/07/2025 18:22

I'm not clear if the issue is your dp going away, that it was more expensive than you thought, or that you're suspicious he's having an affair?

I don't have a problem with a bunch of guys at a spa. Probably the budget should have been discussed in advance. The affair, I have no clue about. I wouldn't have thought simply going to a spa was that suspicious, but I don't know your dh.

Cynic17 · 08/07/2025 18:23

I'm guessing he works, so why can't he have the trip he wants with the money he earned? I have been married over 30 years, and we have never checked each other's spending on hobbies or holidays - I think it's an outrageous thing to do. Even married people are entitled to.their own lives..... just make sure you also do the things you want to do, OP.

LlynTegid · 08/07/2025 18:23

Seems a bit suspicious, but could be genuine.

Boreded · 08/07/2025 18:24

@Imacetar

i would bet there are plenty of mumsnetters in the lakes who would check for you. Only need a picture of him being sent to their dms.

they can ask to ‘take a tour’ lol

PreciousMomentsHun · 08/07/2025 18:25

irregularegular · 08/07/2025 18:16

Well I guess it depends on your husband, but there are plenty of men I can imagine booking a nice spa hotel with friends for a break.

Is the problem that you think it is too expensive? Or that you are suspicious he is going with someone else?

Plenty of men? Really? Lol

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 08/07/2025 18:25

My DH has definitely done a spa weekend with the lads! And in the Lake District. Long walk in the morning, sent a photo to their wives of them wearing their matching dressing gowns by the outdoor pool in the afternoon!