To be livid about DH’s “holiday”??

[Imacetar]

I don’t even know where to start tbh. Might be being a bit hormonal but this has really wound me up.

So DH mentioned a few weeks ago that he’d planned a “lads weekend” with a couple of his uni mates. Fair enough - he doesn’t go out that often and I thought it might do him good. He was very vague about the details but said it was “cheap and cheerful” and just a few nights away to “let off steam”.

Anyway today I check our joint account and see a £670 payment to some posh spa hotel in the Lake District. Naturally I ring him thinking it’s fraud or something and he casually goes “oh yeah we upgraded - one of the lads has a bad back and we wanted something a bit more comfortable”.

Sorry what?? Since when do three grown men randomly upgrade to a spa hotel with massage treatments and a hot tub view?? Doesn’t sit right with me. Sounds more like something you’d do with your partner - not your old uni mates.

Meanwhile I’ve done school run, cleaned up DS’s sick (dodgy fish fingers), tried to delouse DD’s hair AGAIN and the dog’s trotted mud through the whole house. But it’s alright for him - he’s having a “relaxing break” with scented candles and a robe.

I’m trying not to go full detective but honestly it just doesn’t add up.

AIBU to think there’s more to this than he’s saying? Would you call him out now or wait til he’s back? I feel like a mug.

One of my partner's favourite hotels is a spa hotel. He hates the spa & only uses the pool but absolutely loves their restaurant.

A man in a spa holiday doesn't necessarily mean an affair, despite what MN appears to think?

Is it actually as 'spa weekend' or is it a weekend in the Lakes at a hotel that's got a spa attached? Everybody seems to be assuming that he'll be spending the weekend in a plush dressing gown getting manicured to within an inch of his life, whereas he might just have a dip in the jacuzzi after a day's walking. But even so, the main thing is that if he was having a sordid affair he'd be unlikely to tell you exactly where and when. Unless the money's a problem then I can't see the problem.

Get your kids to FaceTime him if you’re worried… I don’t see the big deal though?
last time I went to Pennyhill park spa there was a group of blokes there without women

Sounds like you meed to plan your girl's trip away. With a budget of the same as he spent..

Nice hotels often (mostly?) have spas too. They might not be doing the spa bit. Nice to have bars and restaurants, a pool, a gym on site. If you can afford it — and you also get a turn to be away — I don’t see the issue really. It would have been better if he’d let you know about the hotel change when he found out, but if you can afford that it’s not a big deal imho.

If you don’t trust him that’s a different issue.

I love all the scorekeeping. Is that how people really operate their relationships? I would be so bored with that so quickly. The original poster has not said anything to imply that she doesn't have ample opportunity to do things with her friends or that her husband would object to her doing that in any way and yet people just immediately jump to that.

@Imacetar never known a bloke wanting to go to a spa with his mates!!!! amsterdam yes, spa no! are you sure he is going with his mates???

I'm sorry OP, yes this is incredibly unlikely to be a lads holiday. What a shock for you.

Well she is implying it with the whole ‘poor me cleaning up sick’ stuff while her husband is in a spa. She also thinks he’s having an affair so it doesn’t sound like a happy well balanced relationship does it? Or she wouldn’t be posting in AIBU about him.

I don't think it's a sign he's shagging someone else. Just that he's spent more money than he knew you'd be comfortable with. And is trying to style it out.

Was expecting you to say Benidorm or Prague. Nearly fell off my couch when you said a spa break in the lakes!
A b&b then hiking/pubs I would believe, but a spa break with hot tub and views…hmm I’d be suspicious too, op.

I regularly go for nice spa breaks in the lakes (live nearby) and to be fair it’s usually around £450-£500 a night plus spa and food so if it’s £670 for a few nights and a few of them it’s probably not that fancy and they probably haven’t booked any spa treatments.

It’s not obviously that though is it because reading the op the issue more about the type of break he’s on rather than the cost

Considering no one actually knows the DH and his likes or dislikes everyone’s so confident in saying he’s with a woman.

Good grief, staying in a 'spa hotel' doesn't mean he's gone a spa break with the lads. Loads of hotels have spas attached. You are under no obligation to use the spa. This thread is ridiculous.

My DH loves a spa btw

I can’t say I’ve ever seen a group a men in a spa hotel in the lakes but definitely groups of women

But don’t you think that’s what the OP is getting at? She seems as surprised at anyone else that he’s chosen a spa in the lakes!

In the spa hotel in the Lakes I'm thinking of it would.

I think he should have run the expenditure past her but if she can access a similar break I don't see the issue.

YABU it was fine for him to go for a cheap and cheerful weekend but it's an issue now he's spent more that has zero impact on you being at home parenting. Unless there's a drip feed that it's left you with no money in your joint account. I'd be looking forward to my own break away with friends and book somewhere equally as nice!

You asked OP what's the difference between him going somewhere cheap and a spa and I answered you: the cost, obviously.
And it's clear that OP is concerned about two (possibly three) things:

• That her DH didn't book somewhere "cheap and cheerful" as he'd told her he would;
• That the location is a spa hotel, which she thinks is an unusual choice for a "lads break";
• and, possibly, that he could be living in the lap of luxury for a few days whilst she's doing all the grunt work at home (my guess is that she would be far less resentful about this if he was having the "cheap and cheerful" weekend he'd told her was planned).

Seems to be a lot of people on here who don’t trust their spouses. I know men who’ve done that sort of thing. They don’t use the spa but loved the hotel and went hiking g and beers at night. There is nothing to be suspicious about.

I’m okay with separate holidays, but not with him doing something I’d want to do. Is that your issue?

Exactly. Some posters just can't help themselves.