To be livid about DH’s “holiday”??

[Imacetar]

I don’t even know where to start tbh. Might be being a bit hormonal but this has really wound me up.

So DH mentioned a few weeks ago that he’d planned a “lads weekend” with a couple of his uni mates. Fair enough - he doesn’t go out that often and I thought it might do him good. He was very vague about the details but said it was “cheap and cheerful” and just a few nights away to “let off steam”.

Anyway today I check our joint account and see a £670 payment to some posh spa hotel in the Lake District. Naturally I ring him thinking it’s fraud or something and he casually goes “oh yeah we upgraded - one of the lads has a bad back and we wanted something a bit more comfortable”.

Sorry what?? Since when do three grown men randomly upgrade to a spa hotel with massage treatments and a hot tub view?? Doesn’t sit right with me. Sounds more like something you’d do with your partner - not your old uni mates.

Meanwhile I’ve done school run, cleaned up DS’s sick (dodgy fish fingers), tried to delouse DD’s hair AGAIN and the dog’s trotted mud through the whole house. But it’s alright for him - he’s having a “relaxing break” with scented candles and a robe.

I’m trying not to go full detective but honestly it just doesn’t add up.

AIBU to think there’s more to this than he’s saying? Would you call him out now or wait til he’s back? I feel like a mug.

It’s an odd lads thing to do but I’d much rather this than a weekend in Ibiza with the lads!! However, it’s a lot of cash so make sure you do the same with the girls.

I hope that the total cost and his mates give him their share. That’s too much of joint money to use without conversation unless you have used similar amount previously for yourself.

Maybe except it's vanishingly rare and you'd know the people going. I can't imagine my DH going on a break with people we don't regularly interact with. He might go on a lads break, but those would be his close friends so mine too.

What is suspicious here is the vague details the the weird tale about the mate needing a massage etc.

Some men like a spa break. You know your DH best so you will be best placed to know if something is going on. I know 100% my DH would not go on a spa break with his mates. I'd also find it odd that it wasn't mentioned. If I was off to a nice spa hotel I'd be talking about it for what it is, not just referring to it as a cheap and cheerful break.
If that was my DH and I had the time I think I would be driving up there to see what's actually going on.

Not what either DH or DS would pick for a weekend away with the boys. DH would pick a top end golf course, nice meal, finish with nice whiskey and a cigar.

DS would pick a day shooting or a long hike with mates and their dogs followed by a real ale pub and a pie.

not all men are the same I get that, but even I would not pick a bloody spa in the lakes, and I love the lakes.

Very “alternative” IMO. Only the OP knows her husband, and she’s posting here so I guess a spa is not her husband.

You can check the going rate for a hotel stay online usually - it might give you an idea if its a price for one or a cost for two if that's what you're worried about. But yes - 'letting off steam' sounds like a boys Maga trip vs what hes doing- if it doesn't sit right then trust your gut. If youre annoyed hes spent so much/you don't get your space then that's definitely something to pick up when hes home

It wouldn’t bother me but we both have holidays, mostly abroad, with friends.

Not "everyone". I don't think he is because I can't imagine any man being so stupid as to book a weekend away for himself and another woman from their joint bank account. 😂

Oh look the first few replies are the usual man-apologists men who deliberately miss the point to tell OP she is BU. 🙄
Same ones on every damn thread.

OP YADNBU, an expensive spa is NOT the place a load of blokes would go to. And I go to spas a lot, seems expensive for one person.

He’d have to be a next level arrogant bastard to book a dirty weekend away with a mistress on the joint account.

Which leads me to think he’s telling the truth. My DH wouldn’t ever go on this type of holiday with his mates. They’d want Sun, booze, tennis, golf, booze, nice food, swimming pool, more booze. A Spa in the Lake District is very girly, but surely you don’t think he’s shagging someone and paid for the hotel from the family money??

Just use it as an excuse to book yourself a similar spa weekend with your friends.

My close male friend went on a lads trip like this recently. The way men relax with their friends has changed beyond piss ups.

YABU. It’s not excessive for a weekend and why should they slum it because they are a group of men. What’s to stop you booking your own break with friends?

Just because he is at a spa hotel doesn't mean he's wearing a fluffy dressing gown with cucumber slices on his eyes. Loads of them are just nice hotels with spas attached, or often have golf courses. I see lots of men at the one I go to most often....usually using the pools and hot tubs but it's not particularly unusual to see men in the treatment area too.

It seems like you think he's having an affair?! In which case why on earth would he be paying for it on the joint account where you could see the details?

Book your own spa break for a different weekend when he can have the kids.

I often go to spa hotels, but never take advantage of the sauna and massage facilities because I'm just not interested. Perhaps DH and his pals just fancy a nice hotel - the Lake District is very expensive.

Do you know the friends he is going with? I’d be asking him to replace the money in the joint account and pay for his own holiday lol

the 'spa' hotels here also have good bars and golf clubs attached. why be sus?

Not all men want a booze filled drunken break. Some just want a nice break with a bit of luxury.

Only the op knows if this is out of character for her dh. She’s inferring affairs to me so perhaps she is right to have suspicions. Or she’s just jealous.

@Commonsense22 "What is suspicious here is the vague details the the weird tale about the mate needing a massage etc." No, you've made that up. What OP said her DH told her was: “Oh yeah we upgraded - one of the lads has a bad back and we wanted something a bit more comfortable”.

Can you text any of the other wives and girlfriends 'lol at the lads' spa weekend, we dedfo need to book our own'.to see what response you get?

My DH would love a spa hotel and walking holiday in the lakes, it’s just the kind of thing he’d book with friends 🤣

Is the issue is that it’s way out of character for the group and thus you’re suspicious he’s having an affair and not actually going with the lads? Or is it that ~£600 is a lot of money for you guys and you’d expect that kind of spend to require prior discussion?

If you think he’s having an affair ask for pics of him and his friends. I don’t think a spa hotel is odd for a group of men, my husband and his school friends would do this if they all weren’t so tight.

See my husband probably wouldn’t book a spa day with his friends tbh so I don’t know. Im sure they’re are plenty of men who would but the fact that you seem to not know of the ‘uni friends’ is strange. Have you met any of them? Their wives? Ask for a picture of him with his uni friends. Though he might find it weird that you want pictures of his friends. Video call him at a random time and say ‘give me a room tour it looks gorgeous there’. If all of this just happens to not work out then there you have it.

How far is the lakes from you? Could you go and see for yourself?

For those saying he wouldn’t use the joint account, why wouldn’t he if he’s confident that OP will believe his story?

On every damn thread? Can no one have a different viewpoint to you without being attacked and accused of being a man?

So long as you get to do the same sort of thing one day soon then it’s fine