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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be livid about DH’s “holiday”??

130 replies

Imacetar · 08/07/2025 18:07

I don’t even know where to start tbh. Might be being a bit hormonal but this has really wound me up.

So DH mentioned a few weeks ago that he’d planned a “lads weekend” with a couple of his uni mates. Fair enough - he doesn’t go out that often and I thought it might do him good. He was very vague about the details but said it was “cheap and cheerful” and just a few nights away to “let off steam”.

Anyway today I check our joint account and see a £670 payment to some posh spa hotel in the Lake District. Naturally I ring him thinking it’s fraud or something and he casually goes “oh yeah we upgraded - one of the lads has a bad back and we wanted something a bit more comfortable”.

Sorry what?? Since when do three grown men randomly upgrade to a spa hotel with massage treatments and a hot tub view?? Doesn’t sit right with me. Sounds more like something you’d do with your partner - not your old uni mates.

Meanwhile I’ve done school run, cleaned up DS’s sick (dodgy fish fingers), tried to delouse DD’s hair AGAIN and the dog’s trotted mud through the whole house. But it’s alright for him - he’s having a “relaxing break” with scented candles and a robe.

I’m trying not to go full detective but honestly it just doesn’t add up.

AIBU to think there’s more to this than he’s saying? Would you call him out now or wait til he’s back? I feel like a mug.

OP posts:
BadIdeaRight · 08/07/2025 18:27

I’d be suspicious too. The vagueness is what would make me suspicious though, not necessarily the spa. Who else is going? Do you know them?

thisfilmisboring123 · 08/07/2025 18:28

This seems dodgy as hell to me, but this is so far removed from what my husband would do for a ‘lads holiday’.

You know him best.

As someone mentioned above, would he be stupid enough to book it on your bank account if he wasn’t telling the truth?

ginasevern · 08/07/2025 18:30

Yep, I'd be suspicious as hell. It's not your typical lads weekend by a long shot. Any other unusual activity recently OP? Working overtime, found a new hobby, guarding his phone, being quieter than usual? You know the sort of thing. Do you know the other "lads" or their partners?

RareMember · 08/07/2025 18:33

First of all I think the “it’s alright for him whilst I’m doing blah blah blah” both of you are allowed a break, if he can spend £670 out of the joint account on a holiday, best believe you better start booking something soon with your mates!

Second, you know your DH best. Are his uni mates into this sort of thing. Also, if it is true then surely he won’t mind sending you a couple of photos whilst his away with his mates? To be honest, whilst it isn’t my DH’s thing, I do know a few men that would love this sort of break. It’s not just a woman thing.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/07/2025 18:34

It doesn’t necessarily sound ‘suspicious’ to me. Whether I was annoyed by it if I was you would depend on (a) is money tight so the more than doubling of the cost will be at the expense of something else and (b) can I take off for a similar luxurious weekend away with some pals (or even alone!) and leave him entirely responsible for kids and dog (and the house being in a tolerable state at the end of it!)

SunshineDeLaSoul · 08/07/2025 18:35

Doesn’t sound very much like letting off steam to me

RareMember · 08/07/2025 18:35

RareMember · 08/07/2025 18:33

First of all I think the “it’s alright for him whilst I’m doing blah blah blah” both of you are allowed a break, if he can spend £670 out of the joint account on a holiday, best believe you better start booking something soon with your mates!

Second, you know your DH best. Are his uni mates into this sort of thing. Also, if it is true then surely he won’t mind sending you a couple of photos whilst his away with his mates? To be honest, whilst it isn’t my DH’s thing, I do know a few men that would love this sort of break. It’s not just a woman thing.

Also, I don’t understand what you mean he was vague about the details.

Did you know where they were going before he went?

RareMember · 08/07/2025 18:36

Sorry I’m really confused here, you as his wife didn’t know or ask where he and his mates were going too until today? When you checked your joint account statement whilst he’s already away?

Very odd…

HunnyPot · 08/07/2025 18:42

Could you source a disguise and go down to check he’s really there with friends? 🥸

phoenixrosehere · 08/07/2025 18:43

How many lads are going?

Is a few days in the Lake District with a group really almost £700 pounds per person?

W0tnow · 08/07/2025 18:44

Coconutter24 · 08/07/2025 18:10

So you’re ok with him going away somewhere cheap to let off steam but not ok with him going to a spa? What’s the difference, either way he is away from home and you would have had to do the things you listed anyway.
I think YABU

The difference is about £450 I recon.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/07/2025 18:45

So you think he’s not only cheating, but also thick enough to pay for it on the joint account? Baffled that you think adult men can enjoy a spa with a woman but not with friends. Get him to send you a selfie with his uni mates and if he manages it then give your head a wobble, if he doesn’t then you have your answer.

Coconutter24 · 08/07/2025 18:45

W0tnow · 08/07/2025 18:44

The difference is about £450 I recon.

Show quote history

But reading the op it doesn’t sound like the cost is her issue but more the type of break seems to be the problem

Motheranddaughter · 08/07/2025 18:46

Can’t see any issue
Suggest you arrange a weekend away with your pals

YourGreyCat · 08/07/2025 18:49

I think it depends on many things:
Has he given you any reason in the past to not trust that he'd be faithful?
Is he the type of person who would be interested in a spa break with his friends?
Are his friend the type of people who would also be interested in that?

I wouldn't snoop on my partner, but at the same time I trust that he wouldn't cheat.

You could start by just taking an interest in his trip. "So what have you got planned then? Who's going?" Etc etc and see how uncomfortable he feels talking about it.

Upgrading because of a bad back seems odd. I don't see in anyway how upgrading would resolve a bad back, I have a bad back and would not think to upgrade for more comfort but everyone is different I suppose.

DDivaStar · 08/07/2025 18:50

I mean it's a hotel probably with a gym, pool and relaxation areas. Why wouldn't men want the option to enjoy a workout/swim/ sauna between days/evenings out ?

PinkyFlamingo · 08/07/2025 18:50

Is the cost the issue as in can you afford it? It does seem a strange choice for a "lads weekend" mind you!

TwoTuesday · 08/07/2025 18:51

I'm guessing he never books a spa break for you? I would be driving over there to pay him a visit, if you can't check it out with the others wives somehow.

HurdyGurdy19 · 08/07/2025 18:52

You know your husband best, and whether a spa weekend is the kind of thing he would enjoy.

My husband would absolutely hate it, but if he had planned a weekend away with mates and they decided to change venue, I think he'd go along with it, for the friendship of it, rather than any treatments.

I think your own finances come into it as well. If you were stretching it a bit so he could have a £300 weekend away, but he then announces that actually they're paying £700, you'd be justified in being annoyed.

Edited to add - you say he's away now? It's Tuesday. That's a VERY long weekend if he's still away (or has just gone now, and will still be away this coming weekend). When is he due to come back?

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/07/2025 18:52

A bunch of lads do not go to a spa weekend for a break. Same as a bunch of middle aged women dont go on a golf weekend.

I mean yes there are exceptions but come on!

The fact that @Imacetar thinks that it doesnt add up suggests that his is very out of character for him, and I agree that this sounds like a romantic weekend away not a lads holiday.

AngelicKaty · 08/07/2025 18:52

Coconutter24 · 08/07/2025 18:10

So you’re ok with him going away somewhere cheap to let off steam but not ok with him going to a spa? What’s the difference, either way he is away from home and you would have had to do the things you listed anyway.
I think YABU

The difference is the cost - obviously.

MyWarmOchreHare · 08/07/2025 18:53

Coconutter24 · 08/07/2025 18:10

So you’re ok with him going away somewhere cheap to let off steam but not ok with him going to a spa? What’s the difference, either way he is away from home and you would have had to do the things you listed anyway.
I think YABU

The point is that most men, OP’s DH included, wouldn't go on a spa break with other men. He’s there with another woman.

ShittyHottie · 08/07/2025 18:53

Wait, he's there now? It's not the weekend Confused

Chatterboxy · 08/07/2025 18:54

That would set my spidery senses off big time!

Dinnerout · 08/07/2025 18:56

Just because it's a spa hotel doesn't mean they're having a spa weekend. They could easily be having a lads weekend of walking, kayaking etc and plenty of beers in the evening but then staying in a nice hotel rather than a walkers hostel. There's not much between the two in the lakes - and even rooms above pubs can set you back 250 a night. At which point you may as well go to the place with a pool.

I wouldn't necessarily be suspicious, but I would be annoyed that cheap and cheerful meant 600 out a joint account. But maybe that is still cheap and cheerful for some?

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