Aware of Head Teacher and Teacher affair

[GlitterGold7]

Name changed for this. I’ve become aware that the HT of my DC’s primary school is having an affair with one of the teachers. Both are married.

Would you do anything with this information? It feels utterly morally bankrupt that the HT is abusing his position like this, and I feel so sorry for the partners involved.

'As I said, may as well report them being at Tescos and I can investigate what brand of cereal they buy or if they bought a 9 pack of bog roll or a 24 pack.'

Yes hun, exactly the same thing .

Are you really a governor?

Ah so we've gone from it's like buying cereal at Tesco to now thinking it will spilt a family up? 🤔

The OP has said what she knows. She has her suspicions - thoughts. She has not seen them either - we know that much.

So she has a thought and that is all. Nope they posted three times. Once she called the woman a slag and it was deleted.

Oh I could be proactive and investigate - were they there - yes or no. What else is there to investigate?

There are many reasons why they could be at the hotel - knobbing is only one of them. The other 20 or so reasons are nothing to do with sex.

Can you not think of other reasons they would be there?

Training course, child protection meeting, networking, cluster meeting, moderation, personal study, planning, collaboration on a project, family support, emotional support, having fun, drinking, having a meal, stopping after a long journey, part of an event for someone (birthday etc), risk assessing, personal reasons, preparation for an event (family fun day), business meeting, a treat for an event, a celebration...

None of which requires and investigation. No teachers need to inform their head or governors why they were somewhere outside of the working day.

Investigate what? Adults socialising or working?
There are many reasons someone could be in Tesco - ph

I am furious as most parental complaints are false allegations and built on gossip and it could ruin a person's life because of someone 'thinking' something without any substance.

Same as if a teacher reported a parent on a thought with no other reason and no evidence and no indication of abuse. It could ruin lives for no reason.

I didn’t say they could asses the teachers. I said they could assess OP’s concerns.

If they were seen doing something she would say

You think she would say. That’s different to the what the specific information actually is. Therefore the information is unknowable to you unless returns to the thread to explicitly say it.

Who saw them are they reliable? What were they doing at the hotel lol

Well sending a message to a spouse saying your wife/husband has been seen at a hotel with a colleague and is having an affair would likely cause issues.

Most likely cause a family to split up.

I wouldn’t get involved. I think the days where teachers were seen as a sort of moral authority are long gone and they are now just doing a job like everyone else. Unless I knew them or their spouses personally I wouldn’t do anything. I also wouldn’t repeat this gossip. I probably would take it with a pinch of salt unless I’d actually seen them myself at this service station hotel, in an actual steamy clinch.

No, I wouldn’t do anything with the information. I’d perhaps take a long hard look at why I’m so invested in this.

It sounds as though you and everyone else wringing their hands at the school gates about this need to acquire some wider interests.

I didn’t say you weren’t A governor. I said you weren’t THE governor receiving the information, because 1) OP has not detailed it to you and 2) You are not the governor at this school. You do not know the information. Full stop.

My husband is also a governor. He would take the details available into context and make a call on next steps.

What you would personally do is irrelevant.

Yes you did.

What needs assessing? How would you assess a thought and something they didn't see.

My assessment is there is nothing to assess. She has no information other than a suspicion. She said that is all she has.

If she had other information it would not be a suspicion it would be evidence.

So by all means tell me what the assessment would look like? I assess your report as being a non-report as there is nothing to report.

Assessment complete.

I never said you doubted me being a governor.

The details are a thought and not seeing someone somewhere. The context being what?

Next steps - nothing as there isn't anything to work with or do.

What would the next steps be? There isn't a step to take as there is nothing to investigate.

'It sounds as though you and everyone else wringing their hands at the school gates about this need to acquire some wider interests.'

It's the Headteacher! You know the very person who judges every parent who crosses their path. If they show such poor judgement to be shagging a married junior then they need to be disciplined or sacked.

Schools have standards and codes of conduct. Teachers and yes yes even Heads should adhere to them.

No, I didn’t say the teachers need assessing. I said the concern needs assessing – please direct quote if you see otherwise.

Any concern from parent at school needs assessing if they wish to report it.

The issue you have is that you believe you explicitly know the details of what the OP does. You don’t. She posted twice. That’s all the information you have.

What you personally believe you know to be true, based on absent or incomplete information, is completely irrelevant to the discussion.

The details determine this. You do not have them.

The concern being that they saw two people at a hotel. That is not grounds for a concern.

I am working with the information that the OP gave us. She said she has a thought and didn't see them at a hotel but someone else did. So she hasn't any evidence as she didn't see anything.

So she has a thought and nothing else.

So again going to the governors and saying I have a concern that two members of staff were at a hotel together which I didn't see but someone told me is not grounds for an investigation.

The Op told us the details. She has a thought and nothing else.

She said she didn't see them at the hotel so she cannot confirm if they were there. So she is reporting a possibility that two people were at the same place at the same time.

Not grounds for a cause for concern.

You cannot ask for it to be investigated why two staff members were maybe somewhere together. That is not grounds for a complaint.

'What needs assessing? How would you assess a thought and something they didn't see.'

That is how an investigation starts! Someone raises a concern and then the governors <although not you, you've said you'd turn a blind eye> would gather more info by speaking to the Head. It isn't rocket science.

If he says oh yes was at that training session we were all there, then lovely. If it was a travelodge up the road and no one else was there well they'd better have a convincing story up their sleeves.

The concern being that they were at a hotel.

That is not grounds for a complaint or a cause for concern.

Nope I haven't said I would turn a blind eye to issues.

What information needs gathering? They were there or not, I already clearly said that is easy to investigate.

So they were there - yes. Investigation complete.

Why would they need a convincing story?

They do not need to explain why they were there at all. I've given multiple reasons and no they do not need to share their reason for being there. If they said that is none of my business then they have that right to say that. The fact that the only reason you can think of is knobbing says more about you than it does about them. Maybe you cannot meet a colleague without having sex with them but most people can meet for other reasons.

Or do parents need to explain why they went to places?

So what it’s the Headmaster? In what way does it affect his ability to do his job? It doesn’t does it.

There are far more concerning things he could be up to than a workplace affair.

I didn’t say she has evidence. I said she has a concern and she is within her rights to let the governors know her concerns.

A concern based on a thought has no substance.

Absolutely she can - I've said this multiple times to which you keep ignoring.
Saying I have a concern and no reason for that concern just a thought will not bring about an investigation.

If teachers reported parents for child abuse for no reason other than a thought again there would be no investigation. That is not SS turning a blind eye it would be that there is nothing to investigate. They would say without anything we cannot investigate.

The information you do not know is what they were doing when they were seen or who saw them.

With that information the concerns can escalate or de-escalate. You do not know that information.

None of your business..keep your nose out.

Neither does the OP so again there isn't anything to report. She doesn't even know if they were seen.

If a teacher reported to SS that they haven't seen anything or heard anything just that they have a feeling SS would say sorry there is nothing to investigate. I mean if you think that is SS being lax and not doing their job then so be it.

So go on...how would you report a child abuse concern just because you thought it and had nothing else to go on? How would you report a crime to the police on something you thought and nothing else?

When my kids were at school one of their teachers was having a relationship (not affair) with one of the mothers. I think they got married.

Is this an affair or a relationship? Ok I see you said both are married. I think you’ll have to mind your own business unless a crime is being committed.