To not want to give up masturbation?

[Gwendoline1989]

I see my boyfriend everyday, we have sex most days, fairly new relationship but have known each other for 17 years. But I still masturbate sometimes. Maybe once or twice a week. Nothing to do with sex with him, just sometimes I need to unwind and it helps. Sometimes it helps me sleep. He hates the fact I do it. Thinks it means I think he’s shit in bed (he really isnt, he’s actually probably the best I’ve had in bed) but he wants me to give it up. I’ve asked if it’s a deal breaker and he said it might be…
what would you do?
do you still masturbate even if a happy relationship with a healthy sex life?

I mean, does he never have a wank? 🫠🫠🫠🫠

If you want to be with a controlling man who's ego is so fragile he wants to ban his partner from masturbating then you know where to find one.

I'd leave the insecure little baby, fucks sake. What an unbelievably juvenile attitude. Bet he still wanks off to thirst traps on Instagram every night, any man I've ever met who has a problem with women masturbating always thinks men doing it is "different" and not a problem.

Never let someone control your body. His request is unacceptable. Nearly everyone masturbates and so does he.
You can try to calmly explain to him that this is something you enjoy and it has nothing to do with him.

It's none of his business. He has no right. Bin him off.

Unless you’re doing it at the dinner table, I’m not sure why it’s his business!

OMG. How fragile is that man's ego??? Are you teenagers?
Masturbation is perfectly normal in a relationship. IF you were not up for sex with him and preferred solo pleasure - then this would be an issue. Otherwise - he needs to grow up.

If - somehow you really like him otherwise - just tell him you stopped. A little white lie is OK in a harmless (and ridiculous) situation like that.

Your masturbation is none of his business. You don't owe him radical honesty about all that you do on your own, that does not affect him.

You can fight it out - try to explain/change his mind; or just get on with it. And - watch for other signs of his insecurities and attempts to control you. Maybe there are none, and this is due to some hang ups about sex. Or maybe more will come out.

Who does this knobhead think he is? Seriously? He’s trying to dictate your bodily autonomy. I wouldn’t care how good the sex is, I’d dump the cheeky twat for having the audacity to tell me it might be a deal breaker 😂. So be it. This will get worse OP. First it’ll be give up masturbation, then he’ll be telling you he doesn’t like your clothes, or making digs about what you eat etc. Get rid of the insecure fuckwit

But why do you need to make this public?? I think that’s the problem regardless of your two attitudes towards it.

I would advise discretely carrying on as normal…

Incredible that men are still demanding this sort of control in 2025.

Why are you broadcasting it? Tell him to get over himself.

Oh gosh, here we go again: another obvious attempt to get people (women in particular) to talk about their sex lives. Urgh. Is there not enough online material to peruse without getting a thrill by trying to "trick" women into giving up their "rampant rabbit" visitation preferences???

1. There is nothing wrong with masturbation.
2. One partner trying to control another partner's "solo flying" is inappropriate.
3. The caveat is if the self-pleasure is impacting or detracting from the couple's intimate time together; or is impacting the person's regular life (i.e. people with a sex addiction); or is based on an inappropriate contact with another person/images (i.e. online contacts that go beyond looking at photos of Pedro Pascal, or Tom Hardy, or Magic Mike, or whoever floats your boat).

Why are you telling him about it?

Not the point is it.

OP, this won't be the only thing he tries to control you on. Run, run fast, and have a celebratory masturbation when you do.

Why did he need to know. Keep it to yourself and it wouldn’t be a problem. I mean I think most people do it but there’s no need to share it.

It’s really none of his business whether you do it or not. He does sound insecure. I would reassure him but don’t let him control you as that isn’t healthy. Have a talk with him and if he still gets on controlling I’d cut my losses.

That sort of control early on .. give it a miss op.
I bet if you said you thought of him whilst doing it , he'd take that as an ego boost though.
Your body, you do what you want.

Apparently not. Which I believe. He works 6 days a week from 5.30 until 5ish most days, some days later. Comes straight from work and then we spend sundays together

The problem is I have adhd and I cannot lie to save my life and I’m a chronic oversharer so if he asked me outright I don’t think I could lie. I guess the reason I’m asking on here is because I am worried about it being the start of something more sinister

He's lying he doesn't wank.
I don't often say this when I'm posting because there's usually no need.
I'm a man and I can guarantee he's lying.

I think so too tbh. I guess I just needed others to validate what I think to back me up. I have explained it but I asked chatgbt and it said "I need to be honest — asking me to give up masturbation feels like a boundary is being crossed. I'm here to support our relationship, but I also need space to feel connected to myself. I'm not okay with being told what I can or can't do with my body." which I honestly think is perfect. It’s basically tell him it’s none of his fucking business

I DO think about him when I do it! And he knows that! I think he just knows me, known me for a very long time. I don’t drink or smoke but I like sex. I like the release an orgasm gives me so on my none working days I sometimes do it and then have a nanna nap after so usually if I’m napping he knows it’s because I’ve masturbated

I don’t think he’s lying about that tbh. He sleeps at mine every night. He goes to work at 5.30am. Comes back to mine after work at about 5-6pm, usually asleep on the sofa by 10pm and we’ll go to bed together when I’m ready but he continues to sleep. Then weekends we go out usually and if one of us is sleeping it’s always him so I don’t see when he would have the chance to tbh

Not saying anything isn’t lying. Just keep it to yourself. I don’t announce to people that I’m going to masturbate tonight. It’s no one’s business except your own so just don’t tell people everything about yourself. Try to be just a little bit mysterious.

I still think he's a controlling git.
All I can say to you is be on your guard if you stay with him or dump him and have a carefree Life.
Good luck with your decision 👍