To not want to give up masturbation?

[Gwendoline1989]

I see my boyfriend everyday, we have sex most days, fairly new relationship but have known each other for 17 years. But I still masturbate sometimes. Maybe once or twice a week. Nothing to do with sex with him, just sometimes I need to unwind and it helps. Sometimes it helps me sleep. He hates the fact I do it. Thinks it means I think he’s shit in bed (he really isnt, he’s actually probably the best I’ve had in bed) but he wants me to give it up. I’ve asked if it’s a deal breaker and he said it might be…
what would you do?
do you still masturbate even if a happy relationship with a healthy sex life?

Ah, and it's another first time poster. Of course it is. However did I guess? Okay, I'll play.

Unless you are wanking noisily and merrily right next to him while he's awake and lying there feeling like an uninvited guest to the party, I can't see why he even needs to know about this or why it would ever come up in conversation.

This level of oversharing in relationships is always going to lead to trouble. I've been married 15 years and I can't imagine my husband telling me when he's had a wank. It'd give me the ick 'cos I'd wonder why the h he was telling me. Mabye that's the problem your boyfriend has. Did he actually ask you? Or why does he even know?

Why 5? Why waste more of your life waiting for this loser to be more of who he is?

Massive red flag. End this relationship now, or this is just the start of his demands. How dare he tell you what you can and can’t do with your own body.

Targeted? Oh, come off it! 😂😂. There literally is no other sensible advice to give to someone whose new boyfriend thinks they’ve got a right to dictate if they can masturbate or not. I mean, what do you think will come of her not telling him and carrying on? He’ll either find out somehow and get nasty or he won’t find out but she’ll still be in a relationship with him where he gets to control even more aspects of her life.

My bet will be that he becomes obsessive over it. He will start accusing her every time he can’t get hold of her when she naps. He’ll start looking for evidence of sex toys or staining on bedsheets and accusing her, using any excuse or supposed evidence as a reason to start an argument over it. That’s what they do.

Bet he does it in the shower

Men crack one out in 2 mins in the bathroom.
.doesn't matter if he is or isn't. Just laugh if he brings it up and ask him why he thinks he can control your body even when he's not there. I think it is sinister

Why on earth do you tell him? I would think most men would take it as a compliment because, presumably, you are thinking about, and inspired by, him while doing that. It means you want more of him.

I voted YABU as meant I thought you unreasonable to be considering giving it up. He sounds very insecure and this is a relatively new relationship so what else will he stay dictating you give up.... could be the start of something more sinister.

OP, you are extremely naive if you think that any man doesn't masturbate.

Of course he does. A lot of men do it in the shower, even on a break at work - I can tell you with 100% certainty that he does.

It's irrelevant really though because neither of you should be trying to control/ dictate what the other does with their own body. He sounds immature.

You're the one getting obsessive over arguing with me on this thread!

Again - other people have different opinions to you!

Just laugh at him. He needs to get over himself. Don’t take something so ridiculous so seriously.

Without wanting to override a man’s opinion on male function, actually there are men who don’t wank very much or at all if they’re in a relationship.

I’m finding the 6 hearts thing a bit odd but if you find it helpful ok…

It might also be his way of getting sex on demand from you. If he wants sex and you say you’re not in the mood he accuses you of having masturbated so then you start agreeing to sex every time he initiates to ‘prove’ you haven’t and avoid the inevitable unpleasant argument ensuing. Very sinister indeed!

I'm happily married to my husband of 20 years and we have an AWESOME sex life, with a lot of sex.

I masturbate daily.

I wouldn't quit masturbation, if it didn't have an impact on my sex life.

Not only is this controlling to the extreme it demonstrates that he does not understand how a woman “works”. One is about the sharing of bodies, the other about relief, release and satisfaction.

Regardless of who else l am seeing in life, l usually masturbate once or twice a day. Often first thing in the morning (just have), when the last thing l would want, would be to put the effort in for 1:1 sex. The needs are totally different. At the end of the day you know your own body better than anyone else.

This is a big one for him to get started on, but it will be something else next. Beware!

Yes, they do, but just as you’re allowed your opinion, I’m allowed to think your opinion is silly, and I’m not the only one on the thread to think so. The consensus is pretty unanimous so far. You stick to thinking she should just hide it from him then, or at least try. I wonder what will happen to her if she does.

Tell him that him trying to control what you do with your body is a deal-breaker for you and that you don't want to her anymore about it.

I have to agree. This will be just the tip of the iceberg. Soon he will be dictating your wardrobe, when you go out and who you see. Please tread carefully.

It sounds like he's practically moved in, does he contribute to the household? I think you have other problems to add to this one.

This!

The whole thing reminds me of someone l was briefly with years ago. He started throwing a strop and sulking because l was topless at the beach saying other men can see your boobs (really? All women have them!)

lt’s a long slippery slope with barbed wire at the bottom.

He’ll find the time, I guarantee it.

Before / after a shower, before / after a toilet, whilst you’ve nipped out to the shop for a packet of teabags etc…

If he gives you a smack, does he lose one heart or two?
Or all of them?

Not trying to be flippant, but this isn’t the way to approach this, sorry.

My thoughts exactly. How old ARE you?

He sleeps at mine every night. He goes to work at 5.30am. Comes back to mine after work at about 5-6pm, usually asleep on the sofa by 10pm

That's full on for a new relationship! Is he paying for rent/bills and pulling his weight with housework???

Oh, and don't stop doing what you're doing.

What does he do when you have a night out without him. He has moved in by stealth, can you tell him to go back to his place and you'll meet for dates once or twice a week.