Page 26 | AIBU to be disappointed about this?

mrsm43s · 2025-07-06T19:30:31+00:00

Later this week, on my birthday, we're doing a long train journey to visit friends for a few days. Whenever we do these long journeys, we always book them over lunchtime, and do a "train picnic" of nice food e.g afternoon tea style and share some prosecco or anti pasta style and share some red. It means that our trip starts when we get in the train, and the journey flies by. DH booked the train tickets, and he just accepted the default seating rather than selecting seats, and as a consequence we're stuck on a middle and aisle seat with no table. So lunch is pretty much going to be a sarnie and a bottle of water as there's no table space, the journey is going to be long, boring and uncomfortable, squashed in next to a stranger. We've tried to change seats now, but as it's a couple of days away, there's no availability of seats at a table, and no availability in first class either. I feel like instead of my birthday starting at 11.30am once we're on the train, it's not going to start until 3pm when we arrive, and the journey is something to be tolerated, rather than something to be enjoyed. I don't want to be spoilt, and I get that I'm going to have a lovely time with my friends, but I'm really grumpy and disappointed. I think it's mostly because DH has form for this kind of stuff, always taking the quick, easy way, and never checking anything. AIBU to be pissed off? And does anyone have any ideas of how to make the journey more fun, or special/treat lunch ideas possible to eat when sitting in a cramped middle seat?

AngelicKaty · 07/07/2025 13:57

I can't believe the number of Eeyores on here blathering on about @mrsm43s eating and drinking food and wine of her choice on a lunchtime train - shock, horror, probe! 🙄
Anyway OP, back to the question you actually asked. YANBU to be disappointed - I would be too. A birthday is your one special day and it should be as special as you want and can afford and arrange. (Personally, I love birthdays and do what I can to contribute to my nearest and dearest having a lovely day based on what they want.) However, YABU to not at least "supervise" your DH in making the arrangements as you've admitted he has form for this sort of carelessness. You don't have to carry the whole admin burden, but a quick "don't forget to book seats with a table" as he headed off for his laptop would have ensured you got the start to your birthday you wanted.
As a pp has said and you've agreed, sulking about it now will only spoil your birthday further and you've had a few suggestions (from the few helpful posters) for how to make the best of it, so just go with the flow (but next year, be clear what you want and check in with him before it's too late that he's covered all bases). I hope you have a FAB birthday, whether your seats remain as is or if you're able to "upgrade"! 🎂🍾💝

Morgenrot25 · 07/07/2025 14:08

MaidOfSteel · 07/07/2025 13:57

JFC! Some of the replies in this thread are beyond ridiculous. Calling the OP an obsessive compulsive bully, speculating on marital issues and diagnosing her husband with ADHD. All over some snack foods as a treat on her birthday!
I wouldn’t bother replying to the hyena pack, OP. I hope you have a lovely birthday and enjoy your treats!

Are you not familiar with AIBU?

IchiNiSanShiGo · 07/07/2025 14:10

Omg OP, how very dare you want to eat some nice food in a comfortable seat on your birthday! 😂

Genuinely cannot understand why people have such strong opinions about this.

Anyway, no you’re not unreasonable to be annoyed with your DH. And yes, having that sort of picnic is awkward when you’re sat side by side with the fold down tables.

I know you said you couldn’t change / upgrade your seats, but have you tried doing a completely new booking and seeing if the seats you want are available like that? If so, you could book those and cancel your original booking (if it’s refundable).

If not, you could make up a Tupperware box each for you and DH of meats and cheeses, grapes, olives etc so that you can still have your picnic but it’s just bit more contained and easier to manage on the fold out tables. Get the gin in a tin or the small bottles of wine so it’s easier to find somewhere to put them.

Sulk about it for a bit today, but don’t let it spoil your birthday.

Have a great time!

Original poster

mrsm43s · 07/07/2025 14:13

MaidOfSteel · 07/07/2025 13:57

JFC! Some of the replies in this thread are beyond ridiculous. Calling the OP an obsessive compulsive bully, speculating on marital issues and diagnosing her husband with ADHD. All over some snack foods as a treat on her birthday!
I wouldn’t bother replying to the hyena pack, OP. I hope you have a lovely birthday and enjoy your treats!

Yeah, I know, right! DH and I have just had a bit of a laugh about it over lunch. Never known so much drama over a few M&S deli snacks and a glass of wine!

DH totally holds his hands up to being in the wrong - but there isn't really anything he can do to fix it because no seats seem to be available to swap to. We're going to grab some food bits locally and take them up with us (probably from Sainsbury's rather than M&S - does that make us less performative?), to buy us some time to try to jump on Carriage C as soon as we can (although most of the seats on there are showing as unavailable - not sure if that means they're booked or if they're just reserved for walk ons?) If we have to eat off of trays instead of at a table, then so be it. It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world.

My friend we're meeting up with is super excited and messaging me loads today, so that's really cheered me up.

I'm going to have a lovely birthday surrounded by people who love me, and a much needed break away from my responsibilities at home. It'll all be great.

OP posts:

pelargoniums · 07/07/2025 14:13

Wriggling! Rustling! Fucking hell, this thread gets more and more insane. By page 40 OP will be juggling the mozzarella balls and doing a dentist’s chair with her prosecco while her DH plays the Benny Hill theme on a rudimentary vuvuzela fashioned from a salami slice.

Original poster

mrsm43s · 07/07/2025 14:17

IchiNiSanShiGo · 07/07/2025 14:10

Omg OP, how very dare you want to eat some nice food in a comfortable seat on your birthday! 😂

Genuinely cannot understand why people have such strong opinions about this.

Anyway, no you’re not unreasonable to be annoyed with your DH. And yes, having that sort of picnic is awkward when you’re sat side by side with the fold down tables.

I know you said you couldn’t change / upgrade your seats, but have you tried doing a completely new booking and seeing if the seats you want are available like that? If so, you could book those and cancel your original booking (if it’s refundable).

If not, you could make up a Tupperware box each for you and DH of meats and cheeses, grapes, olives etc so that you can still have your picnic but it’s just bit more contained and easier to manage on the fold out tables. Get the gin in a tin or the small bottles of wine so it’s easier to find somewhere to put them.

Sulk about it for a bit today, but don’t let it spoil your birthday.

Have a great time!

Unfortunately we tried that and there's no table seats available to book and no fast class seats available to book. They suggest using SeatFrog the day before travel - but this doesn't guarantee us sitting together, and I'd rather be at a tray seat in standard class together than separated from DH at a table in first class.

OP posts:

AngelicKaty · 07/07/2025 14:29

DancingNotDrowning · 07/07/2025 12:06

No they don’t. They specify - within the boundaries of law that they are permitted - the extremes that will not be tolerated.

They don’t prohibit pedicures or changing nappies on tables or using the sockets to plug in you hair drier and give your companion a blow dry. They don’t prohibit people from taking Shetland ponies, or 10ft flags on board, from playing non stop rave music or Celine Dionne on speaker.

but none of those things are acceptable. Largely people sign up to the social contract: we know what’s right and wrong without a level of specificity that would be impossible to achieve being provided.

just because something is not strictly prohibited doesn’t mean it’s ok

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What a load of tosh. Try actually reading the train travel regulations: https://assets.nationalrail.co.uk/e8xgegruud3g/77fuBWp62YPSrGwBP1mNQX/5f912e6484a2dc7efbad3b4ed0c9b383/National_Rail_Conditions_of_Travel_2024.pdf You will see that they do not allow Shetland ponies (Sect. 24) amongst other things, and the size restrictions around other items for carriage are quite clear.
OP isn't planning to do a pedicure, change a baby's nappy, give her DH a blow-dry or play loud music on the train and these are fatuous comparators and actions that the overwhelming majority of train passengers wouldn't do. She's planning to eat and drink, which is neither wrong or anti-social - indeed, it's both allowed and actively encouraged, given that most train operators sell food on board. OP isn't breaking "the social contract" just because you don't like it.

https://assets.nationalrail.co.uk/e8xgegruud3g/77fuBWp62YPSrGwBP1mNQX/5f912e6484a2dc7efbad3b4ed0c9b383/National_Rail_Conditions_of_Travel_2024.pdf

AngelicKaty · 07/07/2025 14:32

pelargoniums · 07/07/2025 14:13

Wriggling! Rustling! Fucking hell, this thread gets more and more insane. By page 40 OP will be juggling the mozzarella balls and doing a dentist’s chair with her prosecco while her DH plays the Benny Hill theme on a rudimentary vuvuzela fashioned from a salami slice.

😂😂😂

AngelicKaty · 07/07/2025 14:40

MaidOfSteel · 07/07/2025 13:57

JFC! Some of the replies in this thread are beyond ridiculous. Calling the OP an obsessive compulsive bully, speculating on marital issues and diagnosing her husband with ADHD. All over some snack foods as a treat on her birthday!
I wouldn’t bother replying to the hyena pack, OP. I hope you have a lovely birthday and enjoy your treats!

IKR, there are some absolute loons on here today! 😂

Sasssquatch · 07/07/2025 14:52

Have a fabulous birthday OP. enjoy guzzling your enormous qualities of wine and gorging on your outrageously performative lunch 🎂 🥩 🫒

grumpygrape · 07/07/2025 15:15

hellosunshineminesagin · 07/07/2025 13:20

Not relevant because in first class the seat configuration is tables of four and then tables of two across the aisle. And it is served to you, ready to eat. Not all in individual packets whilst you are squeezed in to a table with other people.

In your OP you stated you do a "train picnic" of nice food e.g afternoon tea style and share some prosecco or anti pasta style and share some red. It means that our trip starts when we get in the train, and the journey flies by. Of course it flies by if you have drunk that much.

You also told us that I'm talking olives, Mozzerella balls, ciabatta rolls, one of those preprepared supermarket platters of Chorizo slices and cubed cheese, vine tomatoes, mini peppers, grapes, figs, some kind of posh crisps or nibbles etc. I read that (and I believe did several others) and felt for the poor people who have to share the table with you. I didn’t comment on performative eating, slurping, chomping or gumping, or about the smell of the food. But I agreed about the disturbance you would be causing the people to share with you in general. The wriggling around and rustling of opening of multiple packets. Of course not all of that could fit on your half of the table at any one point and, as you state on multiple occasions you do not encroach on the other side of the table, this means the carrier bag would have to be pulled out multiple times (if you are on the window side, from where?). That it all sounds like a complete palaver and especially as you will have drunk such a large amount of alcohol within that time, there is simply no way that you will not disturb the poor people sharing with you, in some form or another.

We all get you only intended to do an AiBU on your DH’s thoughtlessness but you are refusing to accept that several PPs are telling you that it you who is BU. The fact you have ended up with a pair of seats is suggested to be more socially acceptable for those around you. You are digging your heels in and refusing to accept this. No one would have the slightest issue with the smells and the slurping they mention if you are self contained in a pair. They are just thinking of the people who are going to have to share the table with you.

It sounds to me that, although you state your DH very much enjoys his train picnic, that it is you who is the one who is making more of a big deal of it than it needs to be. I suggest that he will still enjoy it if he is sitting next to you rather than opposite you. As a couple of pp previously stated, making such a big deal of a birthday beyond childhood is a bit of a strange one anyway. You say you don’t want to be spoilt, but that you are really grumpy and disappointed. Perhaps now PPs have pointed out to you that the pairs of seats are actually fine and have pull down tables you would get some perspective? But no… the seats behind the ones you were shown apparently had less space. To quote you, sigh, the perspective of the photograph makes it look that way.

Having read all your responses you remind me of my MIL anyway and your own self righteousness and determination to have your boozy picnic to hell with the people around you make me realise I’m wasting my time with this post. Just carry on being grumpy and disappointed and spoil your own birthday.

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View good from your high ground ?

Morgenrot25 · 07/07/2025 15:17

AngelicKaty · 07/07/2025 14:40

IKR, there are some absolute loons on here today! 😂

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Indeed. The opinion on who the loons are is probably up for debate though. ✌️

grumpygrape · 07/07/2025 15:19

AngelicKaty · 07/07/2025 14:40

IKR, there are some absolute loons on here today! 😂

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Me too OP.
🍾🧀🥖🍗🍇🍷
Rustle those crisps, glug that booze, burp garlicky burps....
Have a good trip and birthday 🎂

hellosunshineminesagin · 07/07/2025 15:33

mrsm43s · 07/07/2025 13:56

How much wine do you think we're drinking? We'll take on one bottle between us, which we may or may not finish. Even if we did finish it, that would be 1.5 large glasses of wine each in a 4 hour period! We're not going to be sloshed!

The rest of you nasty, judgemental post says far more about you than it does about me. It is perfectly reasonable to eat lunch on a lunchtime train at tables designed for eating at.

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How much wine do I think you’re drinking? Well from your OP you said you would be drinking prosecco and red (which I quoted) so unsurprisingly I actually thought you would be starting with prosecco and then moving on to red wine.

Sorry that you feel I have been judgemental in thinking you’ve been the unreasonable one here. If anything, this whole thread should make you realise that plenty of people stuck on a table of four with you and your boozy picnic will feel the same (not all, I hear you cry) and that what you plan to do make well make people uncomfortable having to share it with you.

Glad you’ve got over sulking with your DH and had a nice lunch with him today though

Original poster

mrsm43s · 07/07/2025 15:35

hellosunshineminesagin · 07/07/2025 15:33

How much wine do I think you’re drinking? Well from your OP you said you would be drinking prosecco and red (which I quoted) so unsurprisingly I actually thought you would be starting with prosecco and then moving on to red wine.

Sorry that you feel I have been judgemental in thinking you’ve been the unreasonable one here. If anything, this whole thread should make you realise that plenty of people stuck on a table of four with you and your boozy picnic will feel the same (not all, I hear you cry) and that what you plan to do make well make people uncomfortable having to share it with you.

Glad you’ve got over sulking with your DH and had a nice lunch with him today though

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Prosecco OR Red. Not AND.

Up to one bottle of one OR the other, between 2 over nearly 4 hours.

OP posts:

Stef3 · 07/07/2025 16:07

OP, is it you next to me on the train right now eating a pack of Scampi Fries? 😆

Tiredandtiredagain · 07/07/2025 16:10

Stef3 · 07/07/2025 16:07

OP, is it you next to me on the train right now eating a pack of Scampi Fries? 😆

No that’s me!

Tiredandtiredagain · 07/07/2025 16:11

Stef3 · 07/07/2025 16:07

OP, is it you next to me on the train right now eating a pack of Scampi Fries? 😆

No that’s me! But I’m chomping and not eating!

pelargoniums · 07/07/2025 16:11

Stef3 · 07/07/2025 16:07

OP, is it you next to me on the train right now eating a pack of Scampi Fries? 😆

OP doesn’t eat. She scoffs, guzzles, chomps, inhales, devours and belches!

crossstitchingnana · 07/07/2025 16:11

As someone who had the misfortune to travel on a train this weekend, and it was full of groups of people eating, drinking and shouting I would say, “stick to a sarnie and water”.

Stef3 · 07/07/2025 16:13

crossstitchingnana · 07/07/2025 16:11

As someone who had the misfortune to travel on a train this weekend, and it was full of groups of people eating, drinking and shouting I would say, “stick to a sarnie and water”.

sarnie* and water

*Please - no tuna or egg. 😁

LBFseBrom · 07/07/2025 16:49

I fail to see the joy of a five hour rail trip. That alone would wear me out.

Needmorelego · 07/07/2025 16:52

@LBFseBrom I love a long train ride and I was a even a member of Rail Riders as a child.

RawBloomers · 07/07/2025 17:40

LBFseBrom · 07/07/2025 16:49

I fail to see the joy of a five hour rail trip. That alone would wear me out.

Well, that's totally irrelevant.

Tiredandtiredagain · 07/07/2025 17:47

LBFseBrom · 07/07/2025 16:49

I fail to see the joy of a five hour rail trip. That alone would wear me out.

Perhaps see why that would wear you out? Do you not go anywhere far because if thus “wearing out”?

You don’t travel?

lots of people do. That’s why they have trains laid on to accommodate it.