AIBU to be disappointed about this?

[mrsm43s]

Later this week, on my birthday, we're doing a long train journey to visit friends for a few days. Whenever we do these long journeys, we always book them over lunchtime, and do a "train picnic" of nice food e.g afternoon tea style and share some prosecco or anti pasta style and share some red. It means that our trip starts when we get in the train, and the journey flies by.

DH booked the train tickets, and he just accepted the default seating rather than selecting seats, and as a consequence we're stuck on a middle and aisle seat with no table. So lunch is pretty much going to be a sarnie and a bottle of water as there's no table space, the journey is going to be long, boring and uncomfortable, squashed in next to a stranger.

We've tried to change seats now, but as it's a couple of days away, there's no availability of seats at a table, and no availability in first class either.

I feel like instead of my birthday starting at 11.30am once we're on the train, it's not going to start until 3pm when we arrive, and the journey is something to be tolerated, rather than something to be enjoyed.

I don't want to be spoilt, and I get that I'm going to have a lovely time with my friends, but I'm really grumpy and disappointed. I think it's mostly because DH has form for this kind of stuff, always taking the quick, easy way, and never checking anything.

AIBU to be pissed off? And does anyone have any ideas of how to make the journey more fun, or special/treat lunch ideas possible to eat when sitting in a cramped middle seat?

give your companion a blow dry

I thought that was going to say something else!

Carelessness in general when doing simple admin/tasks. Not bothering to check things or reading instructions etc.

Historically, I did tend to do all of the organisation. But right now I'm bogged down by significant caring responsibilities for my elderly, very unwell parent, alongside working full time and so I've been asking him to step up and pull his weight with the life admin. Our last break away was completely ruined by issues regarding my parent and my sibling and I spent the whole time on the phone to social services trying to sort things out, and then ended up just having to come home early. So this trip is important to me and a much needed break.

All he had to do was book the train journey, with seats at a table as we'd discussed. He booked the journeys, but didn't bother to even check which seats we'd been auto allocated, nor book the appropriate ones. In fact, his first response was "it's not possible to select seats", which of course isn't true. He just rushed through and didn't bother to do that part of the process. And now, according to the seat map there's no table seats left, and apparently no first class seats either (and if we did upgrade to first it would be nearly an extra £200 we haven't budgeted for). I will, however, try carriage C as other posters have suggested (thank you v much for that tip!).

But they actively sell a selection pretty identical to the one I'm suggesting, so I'm thinking that indicates that it's fair to say that it's deemed an acceptable thing to eat on board.

Because it’s pleasant to not go hungry on a long journey, that also provides refreshments from food and drink.

Quite civilised way to pass the time…

We can see you’re disappointed but there’s loads of suggestions for making it better.

As you can see from the responses, eating on trains is a divisive subject, are you sure your DH likes all of this? I know I wouldn’t, I’d feel self conscious, plenty of people are working on trains. Not to mention the side eye.

The photo you have put up is the first class menu. So not relevant

Sounds like you're having a hard time OP, which I am genuinely sorry to hear.
Try carriage C, or maybe ask if anyone would swap, or just make the best of it.

Why not relevant. Is it OK to eat food in first class, but not in standard class? If you can afford a first class seat, does that mean you don't eat performatively, chomp, slurp and gulp?

Yes, it is the first class menu - it's what we were looking at as we were trying to upgrade (but can't - no availability).

Isn't this a table service menu too?

You can't possibly let the poor people see you eat 😂😂😂

It has nothing to do with smells, noise or space. the reason posters are looking down on it is, it is unsophisticated.
Not urbane OP, to make such a thing of travelling on a train on your birthday.
Cool girls who commuted before Covid, saw trains as a chore, not a celebration.

Doesn't bother anyone else, well as long as you don't have a cake and candles, hoping the carriage breaks out into a spontaneous rendition of Happy Birthday.

At least it's decent food you'll be bringing. I've seen some awful looking home made picnics unwrapped, including a box of cold chips.

That might be one of the silliest things I’ve read on mumsnet. Where did anyone say anything about it not being urbane or sophisticated? Why would that thought even occur to you?

If you really think that’s more likely than people being annoyed that their table has been taken up by someone else’s buffet then I think that says a lot about how you see the world.

@PiggyPigalle lots of people enjoy train journeys and make the journey a big part of their holiday 🤷

Do you travel by train regularly? Because someone eating antipasti wouldn't even register as a mild disturbance on my usual trains.

There's an Indian street food grab & go at Nottingham station. Never been but their samosas are said to be the best.
I'd rather smell that on a train than a burger or kebabs on the tube.

Not relevant because in first class the seat configuration is tables of four and then tables of two across the aisle. And it is served to you, ready to eat. Not all in individual packets whilst you are squeezed in to a table with other people.

In your OP you stated you do a "train picnic" of nice food e.g afternoon tea style and share some prosecco or anti pasta style and share some red. It means that our trip starts when we get in the train, and the journey flies by. Of course it flies by if you have drunk that much.

You also told us that I'm talking olives, Mozzerella balls, ciabatta rolls, one of those preprepared supermarket platters of Chorizo slices and cubed cheese, vine tomatoes, mini peppers, grapes, figs, some kind of posh crisps or nibbles etc. I read that (and I believe did several others) and felt for the poor people who have to share the table with you. I didn’t comment on performative eating, slurping, chomping or gumping, or about the smell of the food. But I agreed about the disturbance you would be causing the people to share with you in general. The wriggling around and rustling of opening of multiple packets. Of course not all of that could fit on your half of the table at any one point and, as you state on multiple occasions you do not encroach on the other side of the table, this means the carrier bag would have to be pulled out multiple times (if you are on the window side, from where?). That it all sounds like a complete palaver and especially as you will have drunk such a large amount of alcohol within that time, there is simply no way that you will not disturb the poor people sharing with you, in some form or another.

We all get you only intended to do an AiBU on your DH’s thoughtlessness but you are refusing to accept that several PPs are telling you that it you who is BU. The fact you have ended up with a pair of seats is suggested to be more socially acceptable for those around you. You are digging your heels in and refusing to accept this. No one would have the slightest issue with the smells and the slurping they mention if you are self contained in a pair. They are just thinking of the people who are going to have to share the table with you.

It sounds to me that, although you state your DH very much enjoys his train picnic, that it is you who is the one who is making more of a big deal of it than it needs to be. I suggest that he will still enjoy it if he is sitting next to you rather than opposite you. As a couple of pp previously stated, making such a big deal of a birthday beyond childhood is a bit of a strange one anyway. You say you don’t want to be spoilt, but that you are really grumpy and disappointed. Perhaps now PPs have pointed out to you that the pairs of seats are actually fine and have pull down tables you would get some perspective? But no… the seats behind the ones you were shown apparently had less space. To quote you, sigh, the perspective of the photograph makes it look that way.

Having read all your responses you remind me of my MIL anyway and your own self righteousness and determination to have your boozy picnic to hell with the people around you make me realise I’m wasting my time with this post. Just carry on being grumpy and disappointed and spoil your own birthday.

I was having a gentle dig at my fellow posters, not the OP. I think too the picnics I've seen hauled from bags, are likely food they didn't want to throw away. Not fit for eating after a week at Brighton.

But train companies do prohibit these things.

There are signs saying that plugs are for laptops and mobile devices only,

https://www.eastmidlandsrailway.co.uk/trains-stations/on-board-the-train/standard-class

It is a condition of carriage that only you should be able to hear your own recorded music:

content.tfl.gov.uk/tfl-conditions-of-carriage.pdf

You may not take a horse on a train:

https://www.nationalrail.co.uk/on-the-train/train-travel-with-pets/

etc.

@PiggyPigalle you've lost me 🤷

@MasterBeth what if the horse takes himself on the train 😁
(photo incoming....)

Admittedly I don't so much these days, due to location, but used to be a regular commuter and long distance traveller. The issues have already been explained, it's fine if you don't agree though - we all have different perspectives. :)

Sounding a bit precious tbh. Way too much of an overreaction here.

Honestly, just do the seatfrog upgrade. I travel on the LNER from King's Cross regularly and always get the upgrade for less than £20. And its rarely full in first class -there are nearly always seats together (or people travelling on their own who would probably be quite happy to switch with you).

How much wine do you think we're drinking? We'll take on one bottle between us, which we may or may not finish. Even if we did finish it, that would be 1.5 large glasses of wine each in a 4 hour period! We're not going to be sloshed!

The rest of you nasty, judgemental post says far more about you than it does about me. It is perfectly reasonable to eat lunch on a lunchtime train at tables designed for eating at.

JFC! Some of the replies in this thread are beyond ridiculous. Calling the OP an obsessive compulsive bully, speculating on marital issues and diagnosing her husband with ADHD. All over some snack foods as a treat on her birthday!
I wouldn’t bother replying to the hyena pack, OP. I hope you have a lovely birthday and enjoy your treats!