AIBU to be disappointed about this?

[mrsm43s]

Later this week, on my birthday, we're doing a long train journey to visit friends for a few days. Whenever we do these long journeys, we always book them over lunchtime, and do a "train picnic" of nice food e.g afternoon tea style and share some prosecco or anti pasta style and share some red. It means that our trip starts when we get in the train, and the journey flies by.

DH booked the train tickets, and he just accepted the default seating rather than selecting seats, and as a consequence we're stuck on a middle and aisle seat with no table. So lunch is pretty much going to be a sarnie and a bottle of water as there's no table space, the journey is going to be long, boring and uncomfortable, squashed in next to a stranger.

We've tried to change seats now, but as it's a couple of days away, there's no availability of seats at a table, and no availability in first class either.

I feel like instead of my birthday starting at 11.30am once we're on the train, it's not going to start until 3pm when we arrive, and the journey is something to be tolerated, rather than something to be enjoyed.

I don't want to be spoilt, and I get that I'm going to have a lovely time with my friends, but I'm really grumpy and disappointed. I think it's mostly because DH has form for this kind of stuff, always taking the quick, easy way, and never checking anything.

AIBU to be pissed off? And does anyone have any ideas of how to make the journey more fun, or special/treat lunch ideas possible to eat when sitting in a cramped middle seat?

I have not only considered it, I have shared my profound thoughts on the subject on this thread.

I have explained how different people have a different tolerance for these sort of things. I'm sure we all believe our own particular level of tolerance is just about perfect and that people who are more or less tolerant are respectively morally lax and inconsiderate or ultra-controlling and restrictive.

As we can't agree as a society what is appropriate in different circumstances, we create rules and regulations to codify what's OK. The train companies have done this and, if we wish to travel by train, we will have to abide by their rules. The train companies say it's perfectly OK to eat on the train. They provide food and drink that we can eat.

Other people's "faffing" or small talk may annoy you or other posters. Too bad. We have a right to faff, talk and eat on trains.

I'm not asking anything. I've read what you think about the alleged differences between a sandwich and the OPs food and I don't agree. You've said "all food smells" and "all eating makes a noise" . I disagree.

Same reply. 🙄

All food does smell though. That's factual.
Normal eating does make noise. Also factual.

thoughts and prayers

Reading between the lines, it seems to me like you have such exacting standards that no-one could possibly live up to so he has probably stopped even trying. Honestly if he is so inept surely you must have the ick by now?

Maybe your husband has always really disliked the train picnic so has decided to switch things up this time around?

A sandwich or salad and a drink, totally fine.

Performative Public Picnic….I’d be giving you some side eye and putting my headphones in to drown you out.

Exacting standards? For an adult to be able to competently book a flight, a train journey, to be able to ensure documents are in date (when he says he's checked them) or to be able to register an extended warranty, or to make a purchase using the correct bank card? And not to make us constantly incur extra costs because he didn't check?

Yes, we all make occasional mistakes. But he makes so many of them and they're always because he didn't check or didn't read/follow the instructions etc.

Honestly, do other people have such low standards that they don't expect the adults in their lives to be able to do this?

I don't understand what you mean.

Do you not agree that the train companies are the ultimate arbiters of what's acceptable on their trains?

People don't exist to fit into your narrow view of what's annoying

sadly not. That doesn’t mean they’re not still objectively annoying.

Most behaviour involves a spectrum which runs from acceptable to unacceptable:

A packet of crisps ✔️
a plateful of oysters and accoutrements ❌

if you’re confused, other examples include:

putting on lipstick ✔️
full foundation powders and sprays ❌

filing one broken nail ✔️
giving yourself a pedicure ❌

taking a quick call ✔️
conducting a two hour sales pitch ❌

all of these things are allowed but at one end of the spectrum they won’t raise any eyebrow but at the other, you’re an annoying anti social pita who should stay home.

No. I've answered this many times.

He just neglected to do the full process and book the seats and instead just left them on the default ones. Not as some kind of protest (and what an arsehole he'd be if he did decide to deliberately upset me on my birthday to prove some point), but because he didn't complete the booking properly. In error through carelessness.

Same reply.

Smell and noise are part of existing in society alongside other people. Unless it's unusually pungent, or someone is eating with their mouth open and gratuitously burping or slurping, it basically counts as no smell or noise in my book. You cannot reasonably expect to be in a public place and have near silence. You have also said that you don't object to a sandwich, which also smells and would produce the same eating noise as the OPs food so your argument is inconsistent.

Well put.
Nobody has said OP cannot eat at all, in fact quite the opposite.
It is quite strange that all the quiet/less performative folk are being told to be more tolerant of the loud/performative ones though.

Perhaps you'd like to answer it? She makes an excellent point. Clearly what is deemed as acceptable is a matter of opinion so we use the law / rules set by the venue as the arbiter. Are you saying the op is wrong to operate within the rules of the venue?

Oh, please, for the love of god, read all the existing replies. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

I have. I refer her to her last sentence in each instance. HTH. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

The op is not describing anything loud or performative. Her and a partner eating some food at a table. How is that performative?

Exactly.

And the train companies set the boundary of what is acceptable on their trains.

I have read every single one and I do not agree. The noise and smell and time taken are not substantively different to an apparently acceptable meal deal.

I cannot tell you why you don't understand something. Only you can figure that out.

You genuinely have lost me.

Your answer to the question

Do you not agree that the train companies are the ultimate arbiters of what's acceptable on their trains?

is

Perhaps consider how the last line replies to you too.

Please help.

You're entitled to your opinion, obviously, but repeatedly telling me thst you don't agree with me isn't getting anyone anywhere. ✌️

This is the most Mumsnet thread I've ever read.