AIBU to be disappointed about this?

[mrsm43s]

Later this week, on my birthday, we're doing a long train journey to visit friends for a few days. Whenever we do these long journeys, we always book them over lunchtime, and do a "train picnic" of nice food e.g afternoon tea style and share some prosecco or anti pasta style and share some red. It means that our trip starts when we get in the train, and the journey flies by.

DH booked the train tickets, and he just accepted the default seating rather than selecting seats, and as a consequence we're stuck on a middle and aisle seat with no table. So lunch is pretty much going to be a sarnie and a bottle of water as there's no table space, the journey is going to be long, boring and uncomfortable, squashed in next to a stranger.

We've tried to change seats now, but as it's a couple of days away, there's no availability of seats at a table, and no availability in first class either.

I feel like instead of my birthday starting at 11.30am once we're on the train, it's not going to start until 3pm when we arrive, and the journey is something to be tolerated, rather than something to be enjoyed.

I don't want to be spoilt, and I get that I'm going to have a lovely time with my friends, but I'm really grumpy and disappointed. I think it's mostly because DH has form for this kind of stuff, always taking the quick, easy way, and never checking anything.

AIBU to be pissed off? And does anyone have any ideas of how to make the journey more fun, or special/treat lunch ideas possible to eat when sitting in a cramped middle seat?

WTF?

I catch trains regularly. Sometimes I eat something, sometimes I sit next to people who are eating or - shock horror - talking to each other.

It's never crossed my mind to be annoyed by people doing normal human things like eating or talking.

Sometimes, I even end up talking to the people I'm sitting next to, if they're chatty. Had some lovely conversations on trains. Only once has a conversation upset me - an abusive man talking shit to his girlfriend on the phone. I couldn't tolerate listening to him bully her, and as she was on a phone not in the carriage, nothing I could do for her. So I got up and moved. Simple.

Are you the train police?

This seems to me to be a storm in a teacup kind of thing. Maybe not ideal, but you’ll survive. Don’t let this overshadow everything. Happy birthday when it comes! X

I can't believe that you can't grasp that trying to police what other people eat on a train is selfish and controlling.

If you don't want to eat on a train, then don't. But I do want to (and need to) eat lunch, so I will. If you can't cope with people eating food on a train where eating is allowed (and indeed which serves hot food on board), then that's a you problem for you to solve. You don't get to dictate what others do. Your preferences do not trump other people's. Are you always this selfish?

That would be me if I were sitting near someone who was eating sushi.

Yeah... no.

My DC and I love a train picnic on a long journey. 😁

Why are you being so weird about sandwiches?!

Being on MN has revealed to me how some people set themselves up.for disappointment, due to ridiculously specific and/or high expectations.
If @mrsm43s needs to eat/take meds she can - just have the food on a smaller scale on her little table. More private. Less annoying for everyone else. No need to make partner feel 'gutted'. Life doesn't have to be made harder at every stage.

I don't want to. I'd prefer to eat my meat cheese and bread separately. Do you really think you have the right to dictate what other people eat for lunch. How utterly controlling and selfish!

What is wrong with eating noises? People are proper bonkers on here😂 I would get chatting to OP, hope for a vino and a fig.
I cannot understand the depressing need to look down on any pleasure

eating noises, we all eat

Travelled the East Coast Mainline many times, would personally not book a table unless there are 4 of us as I’m unsociable. (Loved it in Covid when nobody was allowed to sit next to you unless travelling together 😊) Whatever the other 2 people on the table are doing can be annoying with their laptops, feet, elbows, food of any kind, phone calls, bags so not sure why do many people are against your picnic. I’ve always found the non table seats fine, it’s like being on a plane except no turbulence, no recliners in front or third person on your row 😊

Honestly! Today I’ve seen a woman slagged off for eating a sausage roll and a flake - very ‘unpretentious’ and now this poor woman is slagged off for her food being more expensive, literally can’t win on Mumsnet apparently.

I think it’s far more acceptable to eat on a table seat if the four sitting there are in the same party. I would probably move to a non table seat if allocated one if a couple set up a buffet as described next to me. Ime, people who do a train buffet tend to talk with food in their mouth which is really unpleasant to listen to. Not saying you would OP!

Forget eating noises - at least two people on this thread are concerned about the OP "leaning over"!

Genuinely have no idea what they mean or how it would affect their journey one bit. Leaning over!!

I've not said I don't eat on the train.
I've not said you cannot eat on the train.
I have simply pointed out, along with others:

• having a table picnic is more of an imposition on others than simply eating a sandwich
• sitting side by side is more private for you and preferable for others
• it's a complete overreaction regarding the chair/table set up, and your poor partner should not be made to feel bad. You still have a table!

Have you not read the actual words then? 🫣

Leaning over for a fig or bit of Parma ham. I really have no idea how people get through the day. Somebody having their phone blasting out YouTube = annoying
a couple enjoying a lovely train picnic to celebrate = really uplifting and I would be really happy for them

and they can use a wipe, I don’t care

Ah, I see, you have misophonia? (Sensitivity to certain sounds)

Feeling so repulsed by people eating that you would tell them to eat something functional rather than something they enjoy in order that they eat quietly is really not normal. Or, as the OP says, it's a you problem i.e. something you need to deal with e.g. by moving seat or maybe understanding and seeking treatment for your misophonia / rigid thinking on this.

No need for the WTF, was just trying to break down why an elaborate picnic is not the exactly the same thing as eating a sandwich, because OP seems intent on refusing to understand what people have been trying to say.

It’s great for you that you arent bothered by this kind of stuff, but other people are.

And you can’t always just move seats if the person next to you is annoying, particularly in the train OP is talking about. It often has no empty seats at all, and people having to stand in the aisles.

Again, I was saying this in response to OP who claimed she didn't make eating noises. I was pointing out that everyone does. 😉

What?

You're missing the point of the thread tbh. It's about DH being careless and slapdash and not booking what he'd agreed he would book. The fact that he couldn't take a little care over a booking for my birthday. In itself it's not a big deal, but he has a history of carelessness or half done jobs, and it makes me sad that he can't put a bit more effort in.

It's definitely not been done on purpose. And not been done maliciously. But surely when you're booking something for someone's birthday, you take 2 minutes to double check you've got the details right.

Leaning over can often mean elbows end up jutting out or people lean slightly diagonally over the others at the table - that's annoying if someone is trying to work or read or just not be imposed upon. There's less of that with solo food such as sandwiches.

All I said was that everyone made eating noises, when OP claimed she doesn't.

He wasn't 'careless and slapdash' by most people's standards though, that's the point.

If it really matters to you, you could offer to pay for two people sitting at the table to move seats to the ones you have booked? Worth a try?