I give up with my 4yr old…

[Changeminds20]

I have a very sassy, clever, highly intelligent, stubborn, caring, kind (just turned ) 4yr old DD…..
she doesn’t eat much…. Even started saying she doesn’t like Ham/cheese, which she used to like. She is the fussiest eater not like me and her father who like most things.

My issue is bedtime…. It’s becoming relentless.
Routine for a young age, start routine around 7pm, usually takes her a while to calm down, we’ve tried lights, soft sleep playlists, magnesium tablets ( mighty kids) now using sleep butter on her feet ( sweet bee) we have a Yoto machine that plays stories, I’ve taken all her toys out her room, I’ve tried leaving her to self soothe, I’ve sat with her….. we’ve given her porridge before bed, literally feel like we’ve tried and are trying everything, she still won’t go to sleep before 9pm, she’s been awake when me and her father are also going to bed. Sometimes she comes into our room at 4/5am ish, so has broken sleep, sometimes she has to be woken up for nursery.

Nursery say she doesn’t eat much when there but she has so much energy and runs around, she’s comes home and doesn’t seem tired at all ( she does 8am-6pm)

She isn’t a child who falls asleep in the car even if it’s late, she’s really fights it.

People keep telling me once she starts school this sept she will tire herself out, is this true? Or so I just have a child whose brain can’t switch off.

She doesn’t have any ism and I don’t agree with labelling children so young with ADHD…( as I believe we are all on the spectrum line somewhere)

@ilovepixie

perhaps you could set up a direct debit with the Op so that you can supplement her income so she doesn’t need to work as much and can stay home with her daughter? No?? Shush then.

I like the story of her day idea, I will try that. Tonight’s a 10:45 sleep job, she’s been sat on the stairs while me and daddy watched a film, we thought she was asleep because we couldn’t hear chatting from her room, little did we know she’s been sat there nearly and hour….. in silence. 😅🫩

Hmm, excessively fussy eater, trouble with transition to sleep, and you're explicitly ruling out autism? I'd be firmly planting the idea in the back of my head. You aren't doing your child any favours by ruling things out prematurely.

In our case luckily our child learnt to read very early so we could give him books and let him decide when to sleep. Although I was in and out of his room like a pendulum for a long time, now he's on a mattress on the floor in our room at 5 years old.

I’ve spent the whole day with her, she’s a very lucky child and I love spending good quality time with her.

This has been talked about hahaha

My 3 older kids (I have 4) seem to have low sleep needs then. The 2 oldest who are 5 year old twins are typically up between 5am and 6am with immediate bags of energy. Our almost 3 year old usually sleeps until around 7am. But none of them seem remotely tired at bedtime and usually won't go to sleep until between 8pm and 9pm (after a lot of nonsense) but often the older 2 are even later. The almost 3 year old hasn't napped since he was 18 months old and even at that it was a one hour nap per day at best. The twins were much the same but they at least had the decency to keep having a nap until they were about 3 years old. The baby (8 months) seems to be picking up pointers from the others and only naps once a day for an hour and sometimes nods off in the car. We've tried everything to get them to sleep better and longer at night.

School made zero difference for the twins. I have no idea where any of them find the energy and they have a LOT of it.

That’s a great idea playing but quietly as it’s adult time, she’ll ask what adult time is and then it’ll be a conversation. But I will take that on board and try it, we do do a later bed time now 8pm/8:30 latest.

She’s over tired. She goes past the point of tiredness and then plays up. 8am-6pm is a really long day, for an adult, let alone a four year old. My suggestion would be to take her up upstairs and start the bath, bed routine at 5.45pm. That’s what I did for my 4 year old who sounds very similar. She’s a terrible eater too. But every night we go upstairs at quarter to 6, bath, lots of playing and messing around. Dry hair, messing around in my bedroom on the bed whilst drying hair, in to her own room, pyjamas on, story, bit of singing and leave. At 4 years old, she needs to be asleep by 7pm. It’s hard at the moment because of the light evenings but I close the curtains and put on her light by her bed so it looks no different. I think you need to start the routine much earlier but appreciate she’s in nursery till 6pm. Things will change when she starts school and you’ll then be in a position to get her to bed earlier.

I also feel like I don’t wanna be that parents that’s like ‘ my child’s so clever bla bla’ but she is and friends mention it a lot, so I do wonder if her brain is just continuously in action/thought mode.

Have tried it….

She’s got blinds and curtains, she plays but then after about and hour she’s up and down the stairs. It’s relentless! We’ve done later bed times, we’ve done earlier bed times when she shows signs of being tired.

Meaning????

She will fall back to sleep with me in bed correct. Until 8:30/9, ok on a non nursery day, not ok when mummy and daddy have to work.

Neurodiversity isn't a label, it's a diagnosis, and not everyone is "somewhere on the spectrum".
I find both comments from the OP very disrespectful.

Sorry to be That Guy but please don’t take or give anyone else melatonin for any kind of protracted period! It stops your body from producing it naturally. Fine for jet lag or the odd issue but it’s not something to be taking all the time!

Does she nap at nursery?
I think she is just trying to spend more time with you. My dd was like this at 4, she didn’t want to go to sleep until I did because she felt like she was missing out on something. I used to just sit in her room reading until she fell asleep. Didn’t get much easier as she grew as she always wanted to have a long conversation and ask every question at bedtime, well until she hit teens and then didn’t want me anywhere near her. Just be firm and consistent, it won’t last forever

Are you joking? She spends 2 full days at nursery!!!!! I love spending time with my DD, she’s great, fun, engaging, polite, doesn’t need a iPhone/pad in a cafe/restaurant…..so please don’t insult my parenting. I’m asking if anyone else has this with sleep/food and if it might be related and advice on how to help calm her.

Don’t worry I say in a light manner….. I care for my child and personally wouldn’t drug her so I can get a hours rest.

And separately, my daughter is naturally a 9pm sleeper too. And on weekends would happily sleep til 8 or so. I’ve tried to nudge her around but I think it’s just not her body clock. She’s younger than yours so I don’t have much in the way of advice, but we’re now more able to leave her awake which is helpful to us at least. She doesn’t seem overtired or unhappy in any way. And similarly has a very whirring brain.

If you pick her up at 6 then by the time you've got home and settled you're starting the bedtime routine pretty much straight away, she probably needs some more time to just "be" at home before bedtime. My youngest is 5 and her bedtime is around 8.30, any earlier and it seems she's up and wired for longer, 8.30 seems to be the sweet spot where she'll usually be asleep within 20-30 minutes. Some of her school friends are similar whereas some are flat out by 7pm. Some kids are just naturally night owls.

Yes!!! Bath, teeth, story….. takes a while these things which we start at 7. X

Oh my god you’re so right….. just the advice I needed and massively appreciate!!!! Glad you have children and no work life and just live the best life you possibly can.

Done this, took every toy out and made a cosy corner.

I don’t agree with labelling children so young with ADHD…( as I believe we are all on the spectrum line somewhere)

This is nonsense.

She hasn’t napped since 18 months old, she used to take about 2 hrs to get to sleep, in cot or pushchair nothing worked so she stopped napping then.