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Original poster

To not think being drugged 100% of the time is better than taking a controlled substance twice a month?

144 replies

HennyPennyLane · 06/07/2025 17:42

I am in my 40s. I've dealt with depression on and off my entire life, quite severely. A mix of genuine trauma and I think probably a natural disposition.

I realize I only really need something at most twice a month. And that's PMT related. It's bad, really really bad. Today I've honestly felt like I could happily walk right off a bridge and my family can just fuck off. I know That's not right, I also personally know what suicide does to a family. But I'm at breaking point. I've taken anti depressants before, several different kinds. I hated them they didn't help. They didn't let me feel like me, they fucked up my sex drive and they made me worse.

I've got a difficult life, I've got children with quite serious needs, so I can't really be dicking about trying to find something that works and lets me look after a family.

I mentioned diazepam before to the GP and they brought up anti depressants again. I don't want them!! I don't want to feel like shit all the time when I'm a functioning human 99% of the time. I just need something for the 1% I'm not. Can you get addicted from two diazepam a month? It doesn't seem likely. I've been given them a few times in the past for other reasons and they were so perfect for what I needed and I didn't feel any addictive way towards them. I was able to save them for emergencies when I felt like I do now but haven't got any left. One pack of a few lasted years.

I'm so sad right now and so angry.

OP posts:
MissMoneyFairy · 07/07/2025 09:19

Myotherdogsanoodle · 07/07/2025 07:58

Long shot maybe but do you know anyone visiting a country where you can buy them over the counter (Asia?)

Do not even consider this, there are fake tablets everywhere

MissMoneyFairy · 07/07/2025 09:22

Drowninginconfusion · 06/07/2025 22:10

You can buy them from abroad OP.

Please don't do this

Assssofspades · 07/07/2025 09:23

I'm sure NICE guidelines now mention using an SSRI just part of the month for this, although may not be as effective as continously.

cks.nice.org.uk/topics/premenstrual-syndrome/management/management/

BadIdeaRight · 07/07/2025 11:09

MamaClausToTheRescue · 06/07/2025 21:50

OP I don’t want to derail your post but a few things you’ve mentioned make me wonder if you are potentially undiagnosed ND yourself? I only ask as I think you mentioned that your child is autistic and the fact that you talk about anxiety / depression and also PMDD.

Lots of women are starting to receive a diagnosis of ADHD during perimenopause when oestrogen supplies fall off a cliff and the impact on dopamine which helps with executive functioning, emotional regulation etc is significant. Likewise anxiety and depression can be symptoms of untreated ADHD rather than standalone concerns.

There’s far too much to go into here but the short version is that you might find that if you have ADHD and are able to get a diagnosis and access ADHD meds, it might solve the problems you’re talking about here ( although these meds are notoriously challenging to get right during the luteal stage of your cycle, but many psychiatrists will help adjust your meds to ensure you have the right dosage at this time of the month).

‘ADHD Girls To Women’ by Lotta Borg Skoglund is a great read which covers the link between female hormones and ADHD impact and impairment throughout life.

Interesting post. I got a late ADHD diagnosis in my 40s. I also take meds for it.

Walking medicine cabinet these days, but if the meds work, I am in!

RobertaFirmino · 07/07/2025 11:20

Allthesnowallthetime · 06/07/2025 23:01

@BrentfordForever

SNRIs, such as duloxetine and venlafaxine, most definitely are antidepressants!

https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/antidepressants/

Not all antidepressants are to do with serotonin.

Absolutely! I had been on eight different antidepressants before being given Venlafaxine. It was life changing.

BrentfordForever · 07/07/2025 11:32

RobertaFirmino · 07/07/2025 11:20

Absolutely! I had been on eight different antidepressants before being given Venlafaxine. It was life changing.

Show quote history

Thanks! Yes apparently it’s working on serotonin too (I was thinking Atomoxetine that my kid is on, which only works on Norepinephrine )

very helpful x

Meanttobeworking · 07/07/2025 16:44

Dogaredabomb · 06/07/2025 19:14

I think GPs are just ridiculous about benzos. I know someone trying desperately to get off drink and a month of valium would sort him out. And another whose anxiety is utterly crippling, surely valium is better than that?

Tbf alcohol mixed with benzo’s could cause respiratory arrest. Can’t he get a medical detox?

Summerhillsquare · 07/07/2025 17:11

If you have a PMDD diagnosis yes you may be able to. Look up the Royal College of Gynaecologists guidelines for arming yourself before another GP visit.

Hankunamatata · 07/07/2025 17:14

Pmdd here. Found taking sertraline just at certain times in cycle very much helped

Paganpentacle · 07/07/2025 17:16

HennyPennyLane · 06/07/2025 17:52

It's definitely period related and happens the same time every month. I guess I'm lucky that it doesn't go on longer. I just feel so broken and not sure why I have to just accept it. It's NOT depression, I don't need or want anti depressants.

PMD is treated with SSRIs such as fluoxetine.
You're really cutting your nose off to spite your face if you wont consider the treatment ...
You wont be 'drugged up' all month...

Taytayslayslay · 07/07/2025 17:18

RobertaFirmino · 07/07/2025 11:20

Absolutely! I had been on eight different antidepressants before being given Venlafaxine. It was life changing.

Show quote history

This is what I take too!! I've tried about 6 different ones and this one's been successful

Drowninginconfusion · 07/07/2025 21:06

MissMoneyFairy · 07/07/2025 09:22

Please don't do this

Show quote history

I buy loads of stuff online. I’m healthy, not addicted to anything (at all) teetotal, slim, good job etc etc.

CurlewCelia · 07/07/2025 22:38

Taytayslayslay · 07/07/2025 17:18

This is what I take too!! I've tried about 6 different ones and this one's been successful

Show quote history

I was on Venlafaxine for 7 years before being prescribed diazepam (10 x 2 mg diazepam per month, NHS.) Venlafaxine did zero for my PMDD.

Taytayslayslay · 07/07/2025 23:46

CurlewCelia · 07/07/2025 22:38

I was on Venlafaxine for 7 years before being prescribed diazepam (10 x 2 mg diazepam per month, NHS.) Venlafaxine did zero for my PMDD.

Show quote history

Ahhh that's so frustrating but glad you got something else! Mines for my BPD / anxiety and depression, I've tried so many others and found this to be successful so far.

CurlewCelia · 07/07/2025 23:54

Taytayslayslay · 07/07/2025 23:46

Ahhh that's so frustrating but glad you got something else! Mines for my BPD / anxiety and depression, I've tried so many others and found this to be successful so far.

Show quote history

I only needed the diazepam until the menopause. Glad Venlafaxine is working for you.

Jumpingthruhoops · 08/07/2025 01:50

EmeraldRoulette · 06/07/2025 19:01

It's a tranquilizer. It wouldn't have zero effect for PMDD. In fact, I can imagine it would work quite well.

I agree @HennyPennyLane they are being utterly ridiculous. I was on antidepressants for years (for depression and anxiety) and I had that conversation with them a few times. That I would be better off with the odd diazepam. But they weren't having any of it. It is ridiculous.

On the rare occasions, I did get them, guess what? I did not become an addict. I don't know where this insane attitude comes from. Over the years I have seen it morph from

  • Too easy for heroin addicts to get it
  • You could be selling it on the street
  • You might become addicted
  • You don't really need them if you only need them occasionally

I just don't understand where this ridiculous attitude comes from. I don't think psychiatrists have this view.

Show quote history

If a GP wants/doesn't want you to have something, it's likely due to a cost implication. In my experience, nothing works better than a benzo for treating panic attacks, severe anxiety and anxiety-related disorders. But why would a GP want to prescribe an occasional benzo for 'flare-ups' when then can start you on a course of SSRIs that you have to take daily and will likely be on for the rest of your life?
A benzo saved my life when I was hospitalised after a mental breakdown. I was immediately put on Sertraline with Lorazepam (twice daily) while I adjusted to it.
No side effects, just made me feel normal, unlike Sertraline, the start-up symptoms for which were WILD!
Tapered off 1.5mgs daily carefully over two months, with no withdrawals.
I'm adamant that, had I been given a benzo, when I first developed my debilitating panic attacks, I may have avoided hospital entirely.

CurlewCelia · 08/07/2025 19:53

Jumpingthruhoops · 08/07/2025 01:50

If a GP wants/doesn't want you to have something, it's likely due to a cost implication. In my experience, nothing works better than a benzo for treating panic attacks, severe anxiety and anxiety-related disorders. But why would a GP want to prescribe an occasional benzo for 'flare-ups' when then can start you on a course of SSRIs that you have to take daily and will likely be on for the rest of your life?
A benzo saved my life when I was hospitalised after a mental breakdown. I was immediately put on Sertraline with Lorazepam (twice daily) while I adjusted to it.
No side effects, just made me feel normal, unlike Sertraline, the start-up symptoms for which were WILD!
Tapered off 1.5mgs daily carefully over two months, with no withdrawals.
I'm adamant that, had I been given a benzo, when I first developed my debilitating panic attacks, I may have avoided hospital entirely.

Show quote history

I think GPs are audited for how many addictive medications they prescribe. I find SSRIs and SRNIs hyperstimulating and ineffective.

Trentdarkmore · 08/07/2025 19:57

I used to take 2 lorazepam a week to sleep. This was for a few years. They continued to work and I had no trouble stopping them.
How about taking a nytol twice a month? Not the herbal ones. But you can buy them over the counter and I have found them to have a similar calming effect. My GP said it was fine to take them for meltdowns.

Corcaigher · 08/07/2025 20:04

jojojoeyjojo · 06/07/2025 20:04

I just wanted to say I really sympathise @HennyPennyLane clearly benzodiazepines were over-prescribed in the past but the pendulum has swung so far the other way it’s ridiculous. There’s no doubt diazepam, and similar drugs, as well as sleeping tablets such as zopiclone are really effective and taken very short term are not addictive. However, doctors wont prescribe them to anyone for anything now. My friend who hadn’t slept for five nights and was having a complete breakdown after a cancer diagnosis was only given medication to help her after she was suicidal and her husband begged the doctor. After two nights decent sleep she was able to function again and use other coping strategies but she suffered for weeks unnecessarily…it makes me cross. Big hugs OP x

Agree.

It has to be context and patient specific.

About 10 years ago I had an acute back injury. Was prescribed both diazepam and codeine from the GP, which combined with immediate physio massively helped my recovery. Didn’t take either after 2 weeks - no issues.

The idea we’d let someone like OP suffer because she might get addicted from having a low dose of diazepam 2 days a month is ridiculous. There must be lots of mechanisms of monitoring for signs of increased usage well before it’s instantly addictive.

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