To not think being drugged 100% of the time is better than taking a controlled substance twice a month?

[HennyPennyLane]

I am in my 40s. I've dealt with depression on and off my entire life, quite severely. A mix of genuine trauma and I think probably a natural disposition.

I realize I only really need something at most twice a month. And that's PMT related. It's bad, really really bad. Today I've honestly felt like I could happily walk right off a bridge and my family can just fuck off. I know That's not right, I also personally know what suicide does to a family. But I'm at breaking point. I've taken anti depressants before, several different kinds. I hated them they didn't help. They didn't let me feel like me, they fucked up my sex drive and they made me worse.

I've got a difficult life, I've got children with quite serious needs, so I can't really be dicking about trying to find something that works and lets me look after a family.

I mentioned diazepam before to the GP and they brought up anti depressants again. I don't want them!! I don't want to feel like shit all the time when I'm a functioning human 99% of the time. I just need something for the 1% I'm not. Can you get addicted from two diazepam a month? It doesn't seem likely. I've been given them a few times in the past for other reasons and they were so perfect for what I needed and I didn't feel any addictive way towards them. I was able to save them for emergencies when I felt like I do now but haven't got any left. One pack of a few lasted years.

I'm so sad right now and so angry.

To those that asked: My periods aren't too bad anymore. Not a walk in the park but not like in my twenties .They were heavy, painful and irregular. Having children made them come like clockwork. Suffered infertility and everything too before my first and no fertility issues after that. Same partner.

ADD was mentioned when I was a child by teachers and I think I very likely meet the criteria for it. I've never looked into a diagnosis because, well, I'd still have it and I haven't got years that it would take on a waiting list for a diagnosis. It's interesting though.

OP I think you're right to insist to get diazepam if that is what you think will help you.

Fwiw I used diazepam infrequently for a couple of years and found it very helpful - but then my use of it became more frequent (b/o fretting over a sick child) and my standard dose stopped working.

So addiction can creep up on you. I ended up stopping it altogether and it took a while to get over that. Just be careful to keep your use infrequent.

Your situation sounds hard, I wish you courage.

That's never once been mentioned to me by an hcp!

I was offered that by my gp, but I worried as had bad withdrawal symptoms from some ADs. She was so ace. I am thankful for her all the time!

I didn't have pcos but think you def need to see someone specialising in all this. If you can you stretch to a consultation for your gp to then take forward I think you'd really benefit, esp since prolapse as well. Keep demanding a referral in the mean time. Get on the list ASAP!

I had awful PMD in my 40s. GP prescribed fluoxetine (Prozac) 2 weeks a month and after a few months I (slowly) dropped down to 7 days a month. Absolute game changer for me. Took away the rage, sadness, anxiety. I then went on to HRT and was able to (slowly) drop the fluoxetine. I’d have another chat with your GP…

I took them during my 30's when I had depression alongside PMT so my baseline mood was already both in the basement and volatile. It was only for those 2 or 3 days of the month when I had PMT, not all month. When the depression lifted, I stopped taking them. I liked the way I felt when I took them but, sticking to the prescription, it was a low, infrequent dose, so equally effective each time I took it and not addictive for me.

Push for what you need. The GP who prescribed for me is well known for being an expert on women's issues, so if they think it's a solution, it's a solution.

You can buy them from abroad OP.

I saw gynae consultant about this exact situation recently - I feel hideous during ovulation. Horrific. He suggested the pill. I’ve not tried it since having kids as hated it but he said if ovulation is the problem let’s stop you ovulating. Food for thought!

This may have been recovered, I haven't read all of your posts yet but have you tried taking the pill? I went through a rough patch a few years back and felt like driving into a wall, off a bridge, whatever. Coincidentally I was suffering with severe endo pain and the GP changed my pill to one that I don't take a break from, so I don't bleed anymore! Its been life changing! Both for the endo pain and for my moods! It keeps my hormones even throughout the month, no more rollercoaster moods or pain 3 weeks of the month. Definitely worth speaking to your GP again, maybe a different partner at the practise? I had more of a positive response from a male GP than the female I first spoke to! Good luck, it's not easy being a woman x

I don't think the pill would be a good fit because of some of my other health issues unfortunately.

SSRIs for PMDD can be given in just the luteal phase, as PP have said.

Medications often have more than one use - taking an SSRI for PMDD doesn't mean your GP thinks you have depression. I think there's evidence that it can help PMDD symptoms.

I take an SNRI ( another type of antidepressant) for pain. Doesn't mean I'm depressed. Again, medications can have more than one use.

What does that stand for?

This is a very good point.

You need a women's health specialist as so many combined issues. I'd go that route over a psychiatrist tbh.

Glad to be able to help. I see a few people have commented that they do or did the same and the consensus seems to be that it works really well. My mood improved dramatically on fluoxetine and that really exposed that I was still getting this terrible monthly dip in mood. I don’t take the extra very often now, whether because my mood is better controlled generally or whether because I am menopausal I don’t know.

I do think you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your ideal anti depressant. I tried sertraline and couldn’t get on with it at all, but fluoxetine was a game changer. I had been depressed for so many years and I am still really enjoying bounding around like a Labrador. I feel ten years younger.

selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)

selective noradrenaline reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs)

SNRIs are not anti depressants though
they act on norepinephrine not serotonin

they're given for other stuff

agreed though SSRIs in particular are given for number of problem areas

No suggestions just sympathy- sounds awful for you!

Just buy them from EU Meds on a private prescription. They’re not cheap but if you’re only planning to use them once or twice a month then it shouldn’t become expensive.

@BrentfordForever

SNRIs, such as duloxetine and venlafaxine, most definitely are antidepressants!

https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/antidepressants/

Not all antidepressants are to do with serotonin.

Bless you, OP. This very much sounds like PMDD. Has your GP ever mentioned it to you? Unfortunately, not all of them know about it. You need to tell them exactly what you have said above, let them know it is two days a month and you want them to refer you to someone who specialises in diagnosing and treating PMDD.

This is a very useful starting point: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd/what-is-pmdd.

Sending you a very big hug x

How about the coil? Dd can’t take the pill because of health reasons but can have the mirena as the hormones stay localised. It can help with PMdd.

Have you tried evening primrose oil?

I take propananolol (I can't remember how to spell it sorry😅, tired) and use it for my anxiety. It's really good. Have you tried mitrazipine? I have that for sleeping

Long shot maybe but do you know anyone visiting a country where you can buy them over the counter (Asia?)

Don’t go anywhere near diazepam. It’s awful stuff