To not think being drugged 100% of the time is better than taking a controlled substance twice a month?

[HennyPennyLane]

I am in my 40s. I've dealt with depression on and off my entire life, quite severely. A mix of genuine trauma and I think probably a natural disposition.

I realize I only really need something at most twice a month. And that's PMT related. It's bad, really really bad. Today I've honestly felt like I could happily walk right off a bridge and my family can just fuck off. I know That's not right, I also personally know what suicide does to a family. But I'm at breaking point. I've taken anti depressants before, several different kinds. I hated them they didn't help. They didn't let me feel like me, they fucked up my sex drive and they made me worse.

I've got a difficult life, I've got children with quite serious needs, so I can't really be dicking about trying to find something that works and lets me look after a family.

I mentioned diazepam before to the GP and they brought up anti depressants again. I don't want them!! I don't want to feel like shit all the time when I'm a functioning human 99% of the time. I just need something for the 1% I'm not. Can you get addicted from two diazepam a month? It doesn't seem likely. I've been given them a few times in the past for other reasons and they were so perfect for what I needed and I didn't feel any addictive way towards them. I was able to save them for emergencies when I felt like I do now but haven't got any left. One pack of a few lasted years.

I'm so sad right now and so angry.

Does that work because you already take some though? I would seriously consider it if I could just take it for a week and then stop, from the start.

I’ve taken it. It increases GABA in your brain, relaxes your muscles (it’s used to treat muscle spasms) and makes you feel sleepy.

I wouldn’t take it for PMS.

I feel for you. I used to get the odd box of codine no issue 20 years ago. 4 years ago pain got worse, struggling to walk, etc but wasn’t allowed codine. Then i eventually got a diagnosis for what’s causing the pain and GP said straight away that I could now have codine. I mean surely it’s either addictive or it’s not.

Anyway I got a box early Jan and have had 3 doses since then. I will only take it on very bad days.

The two days are the days where I almost can't function for crying/suicidal thoughts but the feelings of struggling are a few more before and after. Ii will ring my gp Monday.

Have you tried Promethazine? (Phenergan if you're buying it branded over the counter). It's an antihistamine, you don't need a prescription but it's very effective for helping you feel calm / slightly sedated. We switched to using it on the wards rather than lorazepam for rapid tranquillisation.

I didn’t intend to imply it was more important than the suicidal ideation and grief - it sounds like you need help with all of it. My point was simply that if money is an issue - NHS CBT is at least free.

There's a dual contraceptive pill that uses the same level of hormones all cycle (most pills fluctuate the amount). Taken continuously without a monthly break - this can be a cure for PMDD.

Also you can get an anti depressant prescribed just for the few days before your period is due.

Can you ask your GP about these problems? I think both of those would probs have less risks than diazepam

Good luck. Different problem but my GP spent over two years telling me I was depressed and me telling him I wasn't. Saw the nurse practitioner and she said she thought she knew what it was and took a blood test.

24 hrs later I get a call saying GP needed to see me urgently. Underactive thyroid that was so slow the GP was worried about getting me on med fast enough. When he said, "You must have felt awful, must have felt like swimming through treacle." I felt like screaming. Shame he didn't spot that earlier.

Hope you get something sorted.

I think you probably should see someone else. You get to decide the drugs you’re willing to take and when (within reason).

I now find myself in a position that I meet with, what I call, my drug team once a month. At the very beginning I laid out my terms for pain management. They listened and we came up with a workable solution to achieve the goals that I had.

Seriously, what you are asking for/wanting is easily achieved with a script for x per month, if that’s 2 pills a month or 4 or whatever.

Sometimes I think it’s how you ask for what you want more than anything else.

I know this is no comfort right now, but as someone who had to be put into surgical menopause overnight for medical reasons, and in fact has to take hormone blockers on top - just to make sure my levels are as low as they can possibly get them - I love the mental health impact. Yes, I get brain fog, and a host of physical symptoms that (for the same medical reasons) can't be alleviated by HRT, but the level mood, and lack of constant anxiety and recurrent depression are bliss. Hormones are emotionally poisonous for some people, and as one of them, I send love and solidarity. It DOES end.

The only thing I remember helping, back when I still had ovaries, was a pill called Yasmin. Gave me acne - ironically, given it was used for other women to treat it - but completely chilled and evened out the anxiety. Also agree that as it started for you in your 30s (started for me literally in teens!) it may be worth exploring HRT, as the hormone changes of perimenopause may be why.

Does cannabis itself disagree with you, or is smoking the issue? I make hash edibles and take those on my bad PMS days. It really helps.

It's grown by a mate on his smallholding, before anyone comes at me about slave labour or smugglers' rectums.

Honestly I have yet to figure out what diclofenac brings to the party. At best it appears to be a strong dose of ibuprofen. Maybe others have found a purpose for it, but I haven’t.

This is great advice.

I've got so much going on with Dc and their needs that we have to deal with the police and social services etc on a regular basis. It would be catastrophic if they happened to show up when I was anything other than sober. If I was able to get something without THC on prescription I would consider it. Also, I get quite paranoid and don't think I'd actually relax if I took something while I'm in charge of children. Dc is extremely aggressive during a meltdown. It's difficult.

For rapid tranquilisation????????

It's wasn't all the time for me. It was like PMT, only I wasn't necessarily having periods, and it was a lot more extreme! If you have any other symptoms (eg hot flushes) I wouldn't imagine you'd have trouble getting it. Though I was offered ADs at the time, I felt I was fine most of the time so didn't need that - I take Sandrena (oestrogen gel) and utrogestan tablets (progesterone).

Hi, slightly off topic (sorry OP) but it sounds like there’s some really knowledgeable people here! I have multiple chronic health conditions and one of them involves my back going into spasm regularly, with extreme pain etc. I have to fight the GP regularly to prescribe diazepam for me, and i find it really frustrating! Does anyone know if there is an alternative that does the same job without the addictive side effects etc? I’ve been taking it occcasionally as required for 10 years and still not addicted but apparently that doesn’t mean anything with the GP. I’d love any suggestions I can take to the GP? Thanks. Hope you manage to get your issue sorted OP, sounds bloody awful 😢

It's the term used on mental health wards for medication given to calm people down fast. Not always with their consent. Used to usually be lorazepam and haloperidol but was switched to promethazine a while back (afaik- not my area these days).

I really appreciate all the answers so far, sorry if I haven't responded to everyone directly. I don't want to fill it up with my chatter but I'm taking it all in
Very good advice so far and I'm really going to try and get something sorted before I'm here again next month.

Have you discussed a Mirena coil with your GP? It evened me out no end. I went from the red-eyed screaming plate-throwing monster which I was to fairly even tempered.
I had PMS so baaad I made some seriously bad decisions when I had it and had such awful rages I feel terrible looking back.
I am sending my best hugs to you.

@HennyPennyLane I know you said you can’t afford private psych but if your gp ends up being useless again try this https://tapgp.co.uk

they re online private GP and you can book an appointment for mental health for around 50 quid x

I struggle with PMDD and/or PME ADHD and diazepam now and again on the week does wonders for me. You are not wrong to feel that way. Sadly getting the GP to agree is a small hope in hell.

I get mine on the black market and I will continue to do so because it’s life saving for me.

I've got a prolapse which I also need to get checked out as I've not really had time to deal with it since I first noticed it and brought it up with doctors. I suspect it's a lot worse than it was so I'm not sure a coil is an option. Also they scare me!

That's interesting actually, 50 quid is doable. I'll check it out

I was prescribed 10 x 2 mg diazepam per month by a NHS psychiatrist for PMDD.