To not think being drugged 100% of the time is better than taking a controlled substance twice a month?

[HennyPennyLane]

I am in my 40s. I've dealt with depression on and off my entire life, quite severely. A mix of genuine trauma and I think probably a natural disposition.

I realize I only really need something at most twice a month. And that's PMT related. It's bad, really really bad. Today I've honestly felt like I could happily walk right off a bridge and my family can just fuck off. I know That's not right, I also personally know what suicide does to a family. But I'm at breaking point. I've taken anti depressants before, several different kinds. I hated them they didn't help. They didn't let me feel like me, they fucked up my sex drive and they made me worse.

I've got a difficult life, I've got children with quite serious needs, so I can't really be dicking about trying to find something that works and lets me look after a family.

I mentioned diazepam before to the GP and they brought up anti depressants again. I don't want them!! I don't want to feel like shit all the time when I'm a functioning human 99% of the time. I just need something for the 1% I'm not. Can you get addicted from two diazepam a month? It doesn't seem likely. I've been given them a few times in the past for other reasons and they were so perfect for what I needed and I didn't feel any addictive way towards them. I was able to save them for emergencies when I felt like I do now but haven't got any left. One pack of a few lasted years.

I'm so sad right now and so angry.

Another supportive vote for seeing your GP to investigate PMDD and peri menopause.

There's some injection you can take (friend had it) which shuts down hormone production for a couple of months which can confirm if it's PMDD, and then you'd be able to make informed treatment decisions or rule that out.

And if it's peri, then getting the hormones right will help. But make sure it's done that way around, as if it is PMDD, having hormone treatment which includes progesterones will likely make it massively worse...

There really needs to be a sensible in-between refusing a broken postnatal woman or a grieving widower and a benzo'd up 50s housewife. They're just not being fair.

I'm sure I took progesterone back when I was TTC due to PCOS well over a decade ago now and it sent me mental.

I would book a gp appointment ..

GP’s are very reluctant to prescribe diazepam for the reasons mentioned . I have been prescribed diazepam on a few occasions for very specific reasons., I am also limited on medication I can take for other reasons. It absolutely is not as effective as it first was .

explain your symptoms . I was going to suggest propranolol instead .

i would be wary of private psychiatrists, you will need to fund any medication prescribed .

Our surgery now has a Mental health practitioner who was fabulous . In fact far better than CMHT have been. It may be worth enquiring if your surgery had one

I had really bad peri anxiety, which was fixed by switching to a pill with drospirenone as the progesterone instead of a different one. Drospirenone is known as a "friendly" progesterone that doesn't cause anxiety.

But yes, if you have previous for progesterone potentially making you feel crazy, then definitely get looked at for PMDD first.

My friend had a full hysterectomy with ovary removal in her mid 30s as a result of PMDD and says the difference was life saving.

You could simply acquire some diazepam and see if that work.

Not encouraging illegal use but surely that has to be weighed against wanting to kill yourself.

You will get along better at the Hp if you tell the the issue and ask for a solution. You think the answer is diazepam- and I sympathise- but going in asking for it is a red flag.

Go in saying you don’t want or need ADs, but for two days a month you feel uncontrollable rage and distress. Say you need to be calm and controlled for your dc and need something to help you manage. Ask how they can help.

Sorry to read it, sounds so tough. Gp’s can be very rigid about diazepam because it’s addictive and easy to build a tolerance to it. Also it can have unhelpful side effects. Why not insist that they explore a diagnosis of PMDD and insist on a referral to a specialist mental health team. Gp might be out of their depth here.

Some people only take anti-depressants for a week of their cycle for PMDD. It’s a reasonably cutting edge treatment that “shouldn’t” work because anti-Ds are meant to build up serotonin in the brain over time. But it does work for PMDD. I am on fluoxetine generally but have an additional 10mg dose to take when I am having bad mood swings premenstrually. I do think it is worth seeing someone who specialises in PMDD so they can talk you through the options.

PS my (private) psychiatrist is fairly relaxed about benzos, because he said if the choice is between getting out of the house and not being able to, it is better to take them than have anxiety destroy your life. But he also said most GPs don’t share that view! (this was in the context of me having expressed horror that they’d been prescribed to my late father many years ago)

As an aside @OP I credit the coil with saving my life when I had pmdd. I was on antidepressant all month long, apparently you can also just take them for part of the month. I haven't wanted to kill myself or anyone else in the six years since it fitted (technically 2 colis before anyone worries it has been in too long!)

Diazepam is a muscle relaxer. It makes sense to take it if you’re desperate for a good nights sleep. It doesn’t make sense to take it for PMS on which it will have zero effect.

The most important thing is to address the latent fury that is rising at period time.

You can ask to be referred for NHS CBT, in some surgeries you can self-refer.

frankly I find the proposal of CBT for pmt/pmdd offensive. Its hormonal. To suggest it’s because women jsut need to change the way they think is gaslighting writ large

OP - you need to explore properly informed hormonal options

It's a tranquilizer. It wouldn't have zero effect for PMDD. In fact, I can imagine it would work quite well.

I agree @HennyPennyLane they are being utterly ridiculous. I was on antidepressants for years (for depression and anxiety) and I had that conversation with them a few times. That I would be better off with the odd diazepam. But they weren't having any of it. It is ridiculous.

On the rare occasions, I did get them, guess what? I did not become an addict. I don't know where this insane attitude comes from. Over the years I have seen it morph from

• Too easy for heroin addicts to get it
• You could be selling it on the street
• You might become addicted
• You don't really need them if you only need them occasionally

I just don't understand where this ridiculous attitude comes from. I don't think psychiatrists have this view.

Oh dear. Are you a man? Thankfully I don’t have PMDD anymore as I’m menopausal so I can calmly tell you that PMS is absolutely not PMDD. PMDD is in a totally different strastosphere.

If only CBD was the solution to the rage of PMDD. I can assure you CBD wouldn’t even touch the sides.

And let’s not forget that rage is not the only one of dozens of PMDD symptoms.

My DD was prescribed diazepam by the GP after a traumatic event. She took it for a couple of weeks and then dropped down. Used her final ones about four years after.

it’s good for those impossible days.

she can’t get it again.

It’s not PMDD if it’s only two days a month. PMDD by usually kicks in around ovulation and persists throughout the luteal phase, until the onset of menses.

Smoke a joint twice a month

Or pr diclofenac x2 per month

PMDD is a severe form of PMS.

CBT not CBD,

I think GPs are just ridiculous about benzos. I know someone trying desperately to get off drink and a month of valium would sort him out. And another whose anxiety is utterly crippling, surely valium is better than that?

It’s a complex picture of hormones, mood, thoughts and emotions.

I made no suggestion OP needs to change the way she thinks, merely that she could do with support in managing the strong moods and emotions triggered by her periods.

Actually, I don't agree the latent rage is the most important symptom when I literally cry for hours at a time and want to die. I don't think you're being helpful, so respectfully I'm going to ignore any further input from you.

I really can't unfortunately. I wish I could, but I can't.

I'm not an addiction expert or a pharmacologist but I think the issue with diazepam is its addictive so you won't easily be able to keep it to just once or twice a month.

You'll become psychologically addicted to it if you're not physically addicted. Its a very strong and highly addictive drug. I don't think its a great long-term solution.

Have you tried Mirena? I used to have crippling PMDD and it sorted it right out. I'm now on HRT and that takes the edge of perimenopause symptoms too.

Then maybe get it in a vape medical canabis