Termination of pregnancies - too willing to terminate, maybe there are other choices?

[Ilovepastafortea]

I have trouble with the issue of terminating pregnancies.

For context I had 5 miscarriages & 1 baby born 'sleeping' at 29 weeks.

Also 2 of my (3) husbands were adopted-well DH's mother was adopted in the 1920's. The point is if abortion was available in 1963 & 1926 neither of them would have existed. Their childless mothers wouldn't have had babies to love & care for.

If my first husband had been aborted my lovely son wouldn't exist. He killed himself at the age of 32 leaving me with a baby. But at least I had my baby which was part of him.

If my DH's mother had been aborted my 3 lovely step children & 7 gorgeous grandchildren wouldn't be here. Both of my step sons served in the Royal Navy - one in special forces & got his Green (Marine) beret. My Step daughter is a nurse & worked in A&E for many years, is now a Matron. She has saved many lives & made a difference to many other people's lives including taking unpaid leave to be there when her grandmother was dying.

But then I understand why some people do it.

I can particularly understand it if the woman has been abused or raped - who would want to bring their abuser's or rapist's child into the world. I get that.

I just wish that they would think about having their unwanted baby adopted so that someone who can't have a baby can love & care for it.

My heart goes out to those with an unwanted pregnancy & facing this.

I don't know what I'd do to be honest.

I have no doubt that most women terminate a pregnancy after much heart searching & grief. However, I also hear about women who are terminating their 3rd or more pregnancies & using it as a method of birth control.

So brings me around to AIBU to ask if people terminate a pregnancy number 3 or 4 are being unreasonable?

Or not.

Just canvassing opinions.

Adoption is not an alternative to abortion. In a large number of cases adoption is highly traumatic, and it still requires the pregnant woman to go through the danger and difficulty of pregnancy, which she may not wish to.

If a woman doesn't want to terminate and instead seeks to give birth to a baby and place it up for adoption, that's her right to do so. The fact that some women choose this doesn't mean there should be any pressure of any kind on any other woman to do the same.

It is rare for a woman to have three or four abortions as you suggest (particularly in quick succession). If she does, she should be approached with compassion and support, because it's highly likely there is an underlying issue resulting in a large number of unwanted pregnancies and she may need help.

I really don’t think there is more demand than supply for adoption. Did you adopt all your DCs op? If not why not? Nowadays if a couple struggle with infertility, adoption is not their first point of call.
What ifs don’t come into it. You can say that about any situation.

Is this after the Lily Allen thing?

I come from a country where abortion was illegal until recently. Culturally, it’s not something young women did.

When I lived in London & Paris in my 20s, it was an eye-opener. My flatmates had abortions all the time, as contraception.

I had an abortion. I didn’t consider adoption as I didn’t want to go through pregnancy and birth. That’s all there is to it.

Genuinely interested why it’s okay to grieve a ‘baby’ lost tragically through miscarriage at 20 weeks but then when it’s terminated it’s ’not a baby it’s a foetus’.
As a country, we need to fight for better childcare, flexible working and support for mothers so they can feel like they can have these children

I’ve just been through it this week. It was a horrific thing to have to do and I wildly regret that I was in a position to have to do it.

For me and my family it was the right decision, but that did not stop it being an incredibly hard one and a traumatic thing to go through.

….but if my ancestor had been died during the Potato Famine, I wouldn’t be here
…but if my ancestor had been kidnapped by Aliens, and taken to live on another planet, I would not be here

Honestly OP, what a load of whataboutary

Not your body, not your business … you don’t like Abortion, that’s fine, don’t have one

What are you suggesting? Abortions are limited in number? Or that a dr will judge your reason and decide if it is permitted? All to stop the very few (if any) people using Abortions as contraception?

Some people have multiple abortions. Others have multiple husbands. To each their own.

My problem with adoption is that I found pregnancy and the postnatal period really awful. I wouldn't willingly put myself through that if I didn't want the resulting babies. It's bad enough for wanted babies.

Because the person who lost that pregnancy wanted the baby. It had become a person in their mind. They had envisaged its future, and that’s they they’re grieving. It’s still the same thing, biologically. It’s a foetus.

No they are not. Hope this helps

Eh? I assume the women grieving miscarriages are not the same as the women getting abortions. It's every woman's choice how she sees a pregnancy.

Nah, I don't want any more children. And even if you gave me all the support in the world, I would have an abortion if I got pregnant.

Modern medicine has made pregnancy and childbirth safer, but it is still inherently risky. A woman can end up with lifelong complications or even die from bringing a baby into the world.

I was surprised to learn that a very large percentage of terminations are had by women who are already mothers. These are women who are making a choice to not add children to an existing family. They are making a choice to not risk their own health so they can be their best for the children they already have.

Not your body, so not your choice.

I found the Lily Allen thing quite shocking actually. Shame I always liked her. By the third, I would say absolutely careless and reckless and in need of life changes.

99% of abortions are carried out in the first trimester so most women DO take responsibility for themselves before your very arbitrary cut off.
You do realise your 20wk anomaly scan can be performed up to just over 22 weeks.... if there's an anomaly then there's time for testing and scans and discussions about options... this all takes time, I only had partial information not even a full diagnosis at 24weeks and I was offered a termination and left to decide for about 2 weeks.

You have no idea of the reality of what you're talking about.

Before 1967, there were no, safe legal abortions.
There were illegal, back street abortions for desperate girls and women. That's the choice.

Still, her body, her choice. Better that than an unwanted baby in a chaotic situation.

I accidentally got pregnant again after I'd had my two, and terminated the pregnancy as I just would not have coped with a third. I don't see any way we could have lived with a sibling of our children being adopted (and I couldn't have hidden my pregnancy from them). It was definitely the right decision.

You do realise not everyone gets adopted right and that growing up in the system rarely ends well. I had an abortion and it was the hardest decision iv ever made but I dont regret it.

What about it? Oh and it’s a fetus not a baby.

Up to her though. Would you insist she be forced to carry a child to term to "teach her a lesson"?

What if the girl or woman is raped? Should she be forced to go through with the pregnancy, like in the olden days?

For heavens sake op, of course there was abortion back in the day, but women often died as a result.