Termination of pregnancies - too willing to terminate, maybe there are other choices?

[Ilovepastafortea]

I have trouble with the issue of terminating pregnancies.

For context I had 5 miscarriages & 1 baby born 'sleeping' at 29 weeks.

Also 2 of my (3) husbands were adopted-well DH's mother was adopted in the 1920's. The point is if abortion was available in 1963 & 1926 neither of them would have existed. Their childless mothers wouldn't have had babies to love & care for.

If my first husband had been aborted my lovely son wouldn't exist. He killed himself at the age of 32 leaving me with a baby. But at least I had my baby which was part of him.

If my DH's mother had been aborted my 3 lovely step children & 7 gorgeous grandchildren wouldn't be here. Both of my step sons served in the Royal Navy - one in special forces & got his Green (Marine) beret. My Step daughter is a nurse & worked in A&E for many years, is now a Matron. She has saved many lives & made a difference to many other people's lives including taking unpaid leave to be there when her grandmother was dying.

But then I understand why some people do it.

I can particularly understand it if the woman has been abused or raped - who would want to bring their abuser's or rapist's child into the world. I get that.

I just wish that they would think about having their unwanted baby adopted so that someone who can't have a baby can love & care for it.

My heart goes out to those with an unwanted pregnancy & facing this.

I don't know what I'd do to be honest.

I have no doubt that most women terminate a pregnancy after much heart searching & grief. However, I also hear about women who are terminating their 3rd or more pregnancies & using it as a method of birth control.

So brings me around to AIBU to ask if people terminate a pregnancy number 3 or 4 are being unreasonable?

Or not.

Just canvassing opinions.

Not your business.

Don't like abortions? Don't have one then.

Just don't stop the rest of us having one if we want/need to.

So you're a forced birther who wants to punish women for having sex. I note that you do not mention the man at all. Maybe you should spend some time thinking about that, and look up the meaning of the term 'internalised misogyny '.

I'd be so glad to have nothing to do with a forced birther.

I mean. I'm not going to call you names or shout obscenities. What you did was perfectly legal given the law at the time (and today's law). I just morally disagree with it.

It’s not ‘ a baby’.

Just be honest and say you want women to endure forced birth.

Also this is a contradiction in terms:

I rambled because I wanted to make my position clear.

That’s fine, because no one is making you do it.

Its not a baby when its terminated.
Its a collection of cells with potential.

You are very clearly judging others in relation to your own issues.
Frankly... not your body- not your choice.

Ditto.

Wow so kind..Just cut contact and glare.
I am thrilled to not have forced birther friends. I won't shout obscenities either..Just drop them.

Would you glare at men who get women pregnant too? It takes two people to have consensual sex.

I don't want to "punish" anyone. I think fathers should look after their children as well.

I'd glare at a man that neglects his fathering/parental responsibilities.

Glare away at me 🤣

You'd be doing me a favour if I was your friend because I wouldn't want a friend like you. I wasn't in the right position to have a baby when I had my abortions. There would have been children brought up in a very precarious financial position, which wouldn't have been fair on my other children. Was I supposed to resign them to a childhood in almost poverty? Don't their lives matter?

I cannot believe you’ve actually laid claim to believing that a woman or girl, who has become pregnant after being raped, or worse, raped by a related male, should be forced to birth the resulting child.

What is actually wrong with you?

Oh god! A sanctimonious glare? I doubt that anyone would confide in somebody as judgemental and lacking in empathy as you so you probably wouldn't even be aware if any of your aquaintances (I wouldn't say friends as I doubt that you have many) have had an abortion.

'But if I knew someone had an abortion where the sexual act was completely consensual, and there's no serious medical issues with the pregnancy I genuinely don't think I could speak to that person ever again. I wouldn't say anything anything, but I'd end contact and maybe I'd shoot a glare if I saw them.'

I' d say you did the 'someone' a great favour by ending contact, tbh.

I grieved a miscarriage found at 12 weeks. That was a very wanted pregnancy and it was hugely sad to lose the "baby" I was expecting and planning for. I went on to have a child and am now coming to the end of my fertile journey. I am with a new partner, mum to a teen and not in any place to want more children. I made it clear to my new partner that I was using contraception and if it failed I would abort - no questions asked.

I don't see the contradiction. I wanted pregnancy # 1. If I got pregnant now I'd be horrified and would end it. I don't have space in my life to carry to term a baby I don't want just in case someone else wants to adopt it later.

I know. I just can't stand this sanctimonious judgement on women. I swear some people on here would have women wear a scarlet letter, or perhaps a bell round their neck so they could shout "Jezebel!" when approached. Awful, regressive misogynist nonsense.

No please , not the glare, anything but that 😱

Thinking a woman should give birth when she doesn't want to is expressing a desire for punishment. Judging a woman for termination and not mentioning the man except as a mealy mouthed afterthought is pathetic.

I agree. This recent swing to the right across much of the western world is alarmingly reminiscent of the rhetoric of the 1930s. Just look at the newspaper appendices to Virginia Woolf's Three Guineas. Women were hated then, too; encouraged to have babies they didn't want as would-be canon fodder - and as Woolf pointed out to much public condemnation, our own attitudes made us not one bit better than those we then considered our enemies.

Some things have thankfully changed since that period. Others are following the disturbing pattern of history repeating itself.

Women's bodies are not receptacles for the needs of others.

You're right, @SerafinasGoose . There's been an anti feminist agenda of late, to push back our hard fought for gains. They are fearful of women's independence and sovereignty over ourselves. They would rather vulnerable and desperate girls and women would go to back street abortionists than have legislation to protect us and our and bodily autonomy.

I agree so hard. I am not a fanatic, but this is one issue I will protest for, get arrested for, whatever it takes.

💪