Termination of pregnancies - too willing to terminate, maybe there are other choices?

[Ilovepastafortea]

I have trouble with the issue of terminating pregnancies.

For context I had 5 miscarriages & 1 baby born 'sleeping' at 29 weeks.

Also 2 of my (3) husbands were adopted-well DH's mother was adopted in the 1920's. The point is if abortion was available in 1963 & 1926 neither of them would have existed. Their childless mothers wouldn't have had babies to love & care for.

If my first husband had been aborted my lovely son wouldn't exist. He killed himself at the age of 32 leaving me with a baby. But at least I had my baby which was part of him.

If my DH's mother had been aborted my 3 lovely step children & 7 gorgeous grandchildren wouldn't be here. Both of my step sons served in the Royal Navy - one in special forces & got his Green (Marine) beret. My Step daughter is a nurse & worked in A&E for many years, is now a Matron. She has saved many lives & made a difference to many other people's lives including taking unpaid leave to be there when her grandmother was dying.

But then I understand why some people do it.

I can particularly understand it if the woman has been abused or raped - who would want to bring their abuser's or rapist's child into the world. I get that.

I just wish that they would think about having their unwanted baby adopted so that someone who can't have a baby can love & care for it.

My heart goes out to those with an unwanted pregnancy & facing this.

I don't know what I'd do to be honest.

I have no doubt that most women terminate a pregnancy after much heart searching & grief. However, I also hear about women who are terminating their 3rd or more pregnancies & using it as a method of birth control.

So brings me around to AIBU to ask if people terminate a pregnancy number 3 or 4 are being unreasonable?

Or not.

Just canvassing opinions.

given the length of this post there were so many opportunities for you to stop and realise it is quite literally none of your business what other women decide to do regarding their own bodies, yet you still got to the end of your ramble and thought “yeah, I’ll post that”. Are you ok?

Has anyone on here suggested that you should have an abortion? If you are 'pro-life' (which really means anti-abortion), just don't have one.

Are you actually saying that the fact that abortion is legal in the UK is dehumanising all pregnancies? You sound like an anti-abortion zealot on a crusade to prevent women getting perfectly legal abortions.

Banning abortions doesn't stop abortions. It just stops safe abortions. Illegal abortions used to kill some women and make some women infertile. Those were dark days that no reasonable person would want to return to.

You not being able to have an abortion doesn't make you a better person than those who can and do have one.

I've had two abortions.

My mental health is just fine.

Adoption can go really wrong. My adoption could be considered 'successful' but actually it's not great emotionally for a lot of people, and wasn't for me. I am very glad I wasn't aborted but don't agree with bringing unwanted children into the world, it wasn't fun to be one. No clear answer, aside from preventing pregnancy when possible..

My mental health was absolutely fine after my abortion. Far better than it would have been if I’d have been forced to go through pregnancy and birth while physically caring for a disabled child, then giving the baby away.

I feel much more comfortable with this approach than the pro choice “my body, my choice” rhetoric which is that up to birth I can do whatever I want and there are no moral consequences.
I think your comment acknowledges that the whole issue is full of greys and is a much more mature and considered way of thinking of if

This is interesting

It is interesting.
It has nothing to do with abortion though.

@thereareotherplaces - that's about miscarriage. I'm not sure about leave for abortions.

Exactly. Pro-choice doesn't mean you're pro-abortion it just means you don't want to tell other women what to do with their own bodies

Sorry that those things have clouded your judgement, but you don't get to say when, how, why, or how often women should have abortions. It's as simple as that. Nobody has the right to tell a woman what to do with regards to having an abortion. Nobody.

Termination for medical reasons should definitely be considered.

All other abortions, sick leave while the woman recovers.

It is about miscarriage but I think it demonstrates that the death of a child/foetus in whatever circumstances is a sad thing (for the people who claim it’s all the same and just getting rid of some cells from your body)

Do you think people don't realise that? Or are you trying to guilt trip women on here who have had abortions?

It’s certainly a sad thing for those people who desperately wanted to continue their pregnancy, give birth and raise that child, yes.

That depends on the woman. Not all women who have abortions find it sad, some just feel relief.

If you read the whole thread there are
many comments suggesting that a miscarriage is not sad because of the loss of a baby but only sad because of the loss of future hopes and dreams. I think this new law suggests it’s more than that.
Not trying to guilt people who have had abortions in any way at all. Just having a debate based on some of the logic others have used. I should probably have quoted those previous comments sorry to get the context

No. Not "many". Most posters acknowledge that it is a completely different situation..
It does not seem appropriate to post it on this thread.
Yes, context would have helped.

Apologies

"I don't know what I'd do to be honest."

There's nothing for you to do, its none of your business.

Frankly the idea that people should birth babies so people who cant can adopt them is batshit - this isnt the handmaids tale FFS

If it's not your uterus, it's not your choice. Simple as that.

Struggling with multiple miscarriages is hard. I've lost five babies. Yet I'm unclear why some women use this as justification for determining the circumstances under which abortion is or isn't permissible in their minds. That is not for us to judge. Not least, as a rape victim myself, the idea that rape victim versus non-rape victim should be viewed as seperate criteria for who is or isn't worthy of their own bodily autonomy is offensive.

Forcing other women to carry unwanted pregnancies is an abuse of human rights. And few discussion is ever given to the potential consquences for babies brought into the world against the conscious will of the mother. On this point, if the story of Abigail Smith doesn't fill you with horror, it should.

I completely understand abortion in the case of medical issues with either the baby or the mother. I completely understand (but may not agree) in the case of rape, SA, incest etc.

But if I knew someone had an abortion where the sexual act was completely consensual, and there's no serious medical issues with the pregnancy I genuinely don't think I could speak to that person ever again. I wouldn't say anything anything, but I'd end contact and maybe I'd shoot a glare if I saw them.

They probably wouldn’t want contact with someone who thinks they have a say over what other people do with their bodies and who believe in forced birth anyway, so no contact would probably be best for both parties.

You'd be doing them a huge favour by not talking to them, believe me.

Oh btw, I aborted at 27 in the exact circumstances you describe. Can I have my glare please?