to not understand Christians who have sex/live together before marriage then marry in church?

[onlytwo]

Posting here because I am genuinely confused and not trying to offend anyone.

I keep seeing couples who describe themselves as Christians who have been living together for years, sometimes with kids, then they get married in church with all the religious vows etc. I thought one of the key Christian teachings is no sex before marriage yet it seems really common that people ignore that part but still have a big church wedding.

AIBU to think it is hypocritical?

I don't think it's any more hypocritical than Christians who participate in Church and yet also eat cheeseburgers, swear, wash their dishes on a Sunday, visit non-Christian countries on holiday, get drunk, wear mixed fabrics, get haircuts, play football, eat black pudding, or speak in church if a woman.

All Christians pick and choose the laws they follow. I wouldn't personally fixate on virginity before marriage alone.

God intended children to have two committed parents.

It certainly was frowned upon growing up as a catholic (I’m in my 50s now) but I did it and so did my friends. But my parents didn’t know. I now have adult DDs who openly have their boyfriend stay. It’s much more honest and open but I no longer identify as a catholic. So many reasons but this is one of them. Guilt!l

I'm a Catholic and got married with my 1 year old in tow. The priest was more than happy to marry us knowing we had a child before marraige. Churches have to evolve and accept modern life.

Well, I imagine the hostility is provoked by the OP’s faux-naivety. She is ‘genuinely confused’ and ‘doesn’t understand’ why people cohabit and then have a church wedding. Not buying it.

When did you ask God this?

For me OP my devoutly Christian boyfriend in my teenage years forced me to have sex with him, so by the time I had met my husband I felt that God could do one. I still believe in God though, that’s the only requirement.

I thought one of the key teachings from the bible was “judge not lest you be judged”.

Agree.

Are you extremely literal in all aspects of your life? That must make things very difficult for you.

YABU because what other people do in private is none of your business unless it’s illegal.

Probably when he was resting in between flooding the world for its sins and sending a plague of locusts to the Egyptians?

When I went to church( catholic) I would see some of the church congregation whom I knew to be unkind and judgemental , playing big parts in the mass as though that made them a good person.
The only good that organised religion beings is community.

I am a Christian
I lived with my husband before marriage as we were university leavers, couldn’t afford two houses and were used to living in mixed sex shared houses at uni so didn’t see the issue. We joined a church and were welcomed there, received fellowship and kindness. At one point our brilliant pastor did speak to us about it and encouraged us to get around to marriage if that was the right thing for us, as that is Gods plan for family life in the Bible, we did and he married us. I think he could see that everyone is on a discipleship journey, he helped us along the way with grace and understood that everyone is a work in progress.

As I grow in my faith I overwhelmingly see throughout the Bible that a big priority for God is faithfulness in relationships, primarily to him, but also to each other. Interestingly that adultery is in the 10 commandments but other elements of sexual morality are found elsewhere. Gods plan for building families and relationships is faithful marriage. As humans we are sinners and often fail with this for many reasons. Thankfully the church is a place for sinners, not a perfect club where you can only come along once you’ve jumped through enough hoops.

Excellent username.😀

Well looking at the commination service from the (CofE) prayer book I think that a spot of sex before marriage may be the least of your problems.
I do think it's a shame that this service isn't used any more 🤣

Cursed is he that curseth his father or mother.
Cursed is he that removeth his neighbour's land-mark.
Cursed is he that maketh the blind to go out of his way.
Cursed is he that perverteth the judgement of the stranger, the fatherless, and widow.
Cursed is he that smiteth his neighbour secretly.
Cursed is he that lieth with his neighbour's wife.
Cursed is he that taketh reward to slay the innocent.
Cursed is he that putteth his trust in man, and taketh man for his defence, and in his heart goeth from the Lord.
Cursed are the unmerciful, fornicators, and adulterers, covetous persons, idolaters, slanderers, drunkards, and extortioners.

This is the Old Testament, the Christians I know follow Jesus’ teachings which are in the New Testament.

I hope you're not wearing clothes made of mixed fibres?

I’ve attended church all my life and I can assure you that I have never heard a sermon about no sex before marriage.
I am appalled if you have studied Christianity in school as part of RS and have been taught that no sex before marriage is a ‘key teaching’. Where on earth have you got this from?

This is a bit disingenuous, it’s not at all uncommon! Probably depends on which church you go to - I can’t imagine them addressing it in a Church of England service but it often comes up youth- based, trendy churches like Hillsong, Soul Survivor, HTB etc

Those are both New Testament books

Those 2 passages are from the New Testament. But still i think op has interpreted them wrongly.

You are thinking of old school Catholicism. We had a temp where I worked who was an Irish Catholic and was very open that he was marrying young because they were still virgins and saving themselves. This was close to 30 years ago though.

There was also a time where sex before marriage was frowned on in my Grandmothers and Mothers era it was not worth the risk of being an unmarried Mother. The pill had a big change to societal attitudes in the 1960’s.

I am old enough to remember in my little rural backwater of a town, not much bigger than a village really there being one child born to a single Mother, this was the 1960’s and it raised eyebrows in the local community. There were rumours the poor woman was a prostitute and we were told to not play with the little boy.

Doesn't confuse me at all. It's obviously not something that dictates every aspect of their lives but on some important life occasions, it matters to them. It isn't all or nothing.

Most posters here seem to have missed the point of religion and the bible. The bible, and other religious books, are the word of God and cannot be ‘outdated’. If you believe in God and follow Christianity you cannot just say ‘oh the bible was written so long ago, the world is different now, the teachings are outdated’ and do as you please. Sex before marriage is not ok in Christianity and just because lots of people ignore that and do it anyway, doesn’t mean it is correct because ‘times are different’. This argument lacks a lot of intelligence and basic understanding. I don’t care what someone believes or doesn’t or whether someone has sex outside of marriage or anything - but to say it is is ok in Christianity because the Bible was written so long ago is just silly. And to answer your question, OP, this understanding is probably the reason that people claim to be Christian but are having sex before marriage.

1 Corinthians and Galatians are letters of Paul, in the New Testament.

In any case, the Old Testament is Holy Scripture in mainstream Christianity.