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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Attracted to a married man

135 replies

Prontehpronto · 04/07/2025 19:52

I am very attracted to a married man at work, I am married too. We work from home (diff homes!) and talk alot about work over teams but he makes me laugh a lot and makes me feel really nice. In the office he finds every opportunity he can to talk to me, I know he is attracted to me too from his body language and how close he comes towards me. We both have children. I have been unhappy in my marriage for a long time, my husband works late, drinks, is very overweight and makes me feel lonely and sad, he is verbally abusive and dismissive of me. Im sure im not cup of tea either and thats why he is out all the time. Im just his house keeper and look after the kids. Im quite a high achiever at work and think my husband resents me for that, for my age I suppose im still quite attractive. Even now he is out drinking whilst im alone with the kids. I want to continue to talk to this other guy and would like something physical to eventually happen between us, I think about him alot, I haven't been attracted to a man like this for a long time, I don't think I even fancied my husband this much. I want him to pursue me but also feel very bad and sad, we both have young children. Any advice or stories similar stories please.

OP posts:
Wiglio · 04/07/2025 19:54

No good will come of thi OP

Dinosweetpea · 04/07/2025 19:55

Feel free to divorce your own husband but leave other people's husbands alone.

3luckystars · 04/07/2025 19:55

You have come to the goats house for wool.

It was a huge mistake posting about that here. Don’t do it. Run!!!!!

SleeplessInWherever · 04/07/2025 19:55

My advice is to leave your husband.

CherryBlossom321 · 04/07/2025 19:55

End your miserable marriage, and find someone who is actually available if you’re desperate for a relationship.

InterestedBeing · 04/07/2025 19:56

Dinosweetpea · 04/07/2025 19:55

Feel free to divorce your own husband but leave other people's husbands alone.

This pretty much. If you re not happy in your marriage, leave it, but don't look to overlap and encourage somebody else to cheat.

ObtuseMoose · 04/07/2025 19:56

Bin your husband, take some time to be alone then maybe start dating. Leave other women's husbands alone.

tookatumble · 04/07/2025 19:57

What does his wife think?

Hanovercrosse · 04/07/2025 19:57

You’ve got fanny flutters, interesting that you don’t mention his wife at all ??

Hoardasurass · 04/07/2025 19:58

Divorce your husband and find a single man don't start an affair that will destroy someone else's family.

WaltzingWaters · 04/07/2025 19:59

Your marriage sounds miserable and you should leave your husband. You’ll then be free to find someone nice who you are attracted to and treats you right. But please don’t go after a married man. No good will come from that. And don’t cheat on your husband (no matter how much of an arsehole he is), leave him first so you’re free to see whoever you’d like.

Prontehpronto · 04/07/2025 19:59

All above replies, everyone is completely right and I would be saying the same thing, I'm just desperately unhappy but is awful to want a married man to cheat, horrendous, just need some sense talking to me, going to limit contact the said guy and stop being such a pathetic cow

OP posts:
Finteq · 04/07/2025 20:00

Hoardasurass · 04/07/2025 19:58

Divorce your husband and find a single man don't start an affair that will destroy someone else's family.

If she has an affair with him.

It's not her who has destroyed that family.

The blame lies with him.

She doesn't owe his wife anything.

It's that man who should be considering his marriage and family. And the blames lies entirely with him.

chattyness · 04/07/2025 20:00

Ask yourself this, if you screw around with a married man & fuck up his marriage, will you still want him? How could you ever trust him knowing that he stepped out of his marriage to be with someone else, wouldn't that nagging doubt always be there ?
As a previous poster has said, get a divorce by all means but leave other people's husbands alone.

3luckystars · 04/07/2025 20:02

You are not pathetic. This happens all the time in workplaces, people get too close and start thinking about it.

As my dad says: you can think about it but don’t do it.

Can you leave your marriage or is there no sorting it out first?

gamerchick · 04/07/2025 20:03

Your heads been turned. It's time to end your marriage and free yourself of someone you no longer love.

But you will not find happiness with someone else's husband. He'd be a scumbag if he chases you. It won't make you happy, it'll just give you a dopamine hit. Nothing but misery will come from it.

Stop it and focus on your own garden m when you're free and single and settled. This person probably won't be as appealing.

YodasHairyButt · 04/07/2025 20:06

The fact you feel this way is telling you it’s time to end your marriage. He’s just a symptom of how unhappy you are. Don’t go there, he has a wife. Cure the problem, leave your husband and find yourself again. Then you might be ready to find someone who can make you happy.

Hoardasurass · 04/07/2025 20:07

Finteq · 04/07/2025 20:00

If she has an affair with him.

It's not her who has destroyed that family.

The blame lies with him.

She doesn't owe his wife anything.

It's that man who should be considering his marriage and family. And the blames lies entirely with him.

Edited

Nope they blame lies with them both equally as she knows he's married and has kids.
I spoke to the op as she's the one asking for advice if it was the other man asking I'd tell him exactly the same thing

Pleasegodgotosleep · 04/07/2025 20:08

Finteq · 04/07/2025 20:00

If she has an affair with him.

It's not her who has destroyed that family.

The blame lies with him.

She doesn't owe his wife anything.

It's that man who should be considering his marriage and family. And the blames lies entirely with him.

Edited

Do you honestly believe that?

Surely at a bare minimum she owes the wife basic human courtesy?

100% it is the husband fault if he cheats but if you KNOW someone is married and are still prepared to have an affair and break up a family what does that make you???

Dweetfidilove · 04/07/2025 20:09

Your marriage sounds awful, and I'd encourage you to end that. For your own sake though, I'd caution against starting an affair with your colleague.

This has the potential to ruin your career and the little esteem you have left; especially if you fall in love with him and he cannot reciprocate those feelings.

You're quite vulnerable, given how attention starved you are, so please, don't fill the void with another pointless man.

Mrsttcno1 · 04/07/2025 20:11

If you’re not happy then leave and then you are free to find someone who is SINGLE and also free to be with you.

Even if this man did cheat for you and then leave his wife and family to be with you, you’d be sat on here in 5 years time after he’d then cheated on and left you. If he’ll cheat on his wife and the mother of his kids then he would treat you even worse, and think about what it says about you that you would do the same. Get a vibrator and a solicitor and start looking after yourself.

Hanovercrosse · 04/07/2025 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EsmeSusanOgg · 04/07/2025 20:11

Prontehpronto · 04/07/2025 19:59

All above replies, everyone is completely right and I would be saying the same thing, I'm just desperately unhappy but is awful to want a married man to cheat, horrendous, just need some sense talking to me, going to limit contact the said guy and stop being such a pathetic cow

Edited

It might be worth giving yourself space at work. Do not mistake a workplace crush and your own unhappiness as sparks/ a future relationship.

I would look at your exit strategy for your current marriage if you are so unhappy. And also look at places outside work to meet people and make friends. Give yourself space as you, before looking for a new romance to rescue you..

Coconutter24 · 04/07/2025 20:13

Finteq · 04/07/2025 20:00

If she has an affair with him.

It's not her who has destroyed that family.

The blame lies with him.

She doesn't owe his wife anything.

It's that man who should be considering his marriage and family. And the blames lies entirely with him.

Edited

They would both destroy the family! She doesn’t owe the wife anything but most people with morals would stay clear of someone that is married.

Endofyear · 04/07/2025 20:15

Flirting with your married colleague may be a distraction and an ego boost but it's not addressing your actual problem, which is your miserable marriage. You need to address that, separate and get yourself and your children settled again as a single parent. This is the only way you will reach any kind of contentment. Don't imagine having an affair will make you happier - it's horrible, constantly anxious and excited and terrified and guilty. The fallout is horrendous and does untold damage to all parties, including the children. It really is not worth it.

Put all your energies into leaving this awful marriage and when the time comes that you're ready for another relationship, look for someone who's free to give you their all.