Attracted to a married man

[Prontehpronto]

I am very attracted to a married man at work, I am married too. We work from home (diff homes!) and talk alot about work over teams but he makes me laugh a lot and makes me feel really nice. In the office he finds every opportunity he can to talk to me, I know he is attracted to me too from his body language and how close he comes towards me. We both have children. I have been unhappy in my marriage for a long time, my husband works late, drinks, is very overweight and makes me feel lonely and sad, he is verbally abusive and dismissive of me. Im sure im not cup of tea either and thats why he is out all the time. Im just his house keeper and look after the kids. Im quite a high achiever at work and think my husband resents me for that, for my age I suppose im still quite attractive. Even now he is out drinking whilst im alone with the kids. I want to continue to talk to this other guy and would like something physical to eventually happen between us, I think about him alot, I haven't been attracted to a man like this for a long time, I don't think I even fancied my husband this much. I want him to pursue me but also feel very bad and sad, we both have young children. Any advice or stories similar stories please.

I think your comment is overly harsh and mean. OP has already stated that she has issues with her husband. She started this thread because she’s feeling low due to issues with her OH and finds herself drawn to a married man. She’s asking advice on the situation and if you bothered to read her engagement you’d see she is responding positively to the advice of it being a bad idea. OP already recognises it’s wrong but wanted sense talking into her. Vindictive replies like yours would stop people asking for help in future so try to correct your tone ,maybe in future.

I’m shocked that thinking of an innocent wife whose life could potentially be destroyed if you proceed meant that my comment was deleted.

But you really should think of his wife. It’s easy to dismiss her and think “I’m not breaking any vows to her” but he can’t cheat alone, can he? She’s probably at home, doting and catering to his every whim (including sex) and wondering why he seems like he’s checking out of their marriage.

Please don’t be that person. The pain really is unbearable.

Similar story

i was in an unhappy 6 year relationship, he was in an unhappy abusive marriage of 15 years, worked together also, we became very close friends and I guess we realised how unhappy we was, I left my partner then he left his wife shortly after, we was together after that. 3 years on we are married with a baby and never been happier.

I can already see the comments ‘he will leave how he came to you’ hahaha I always find that funny because you don’t know what really goes on in people’s lives and why they stay, it’s not as easy as ‘just leave’ not everything is that straight forward

I think you’ll find a lot of relationships start this way or similar but no one admits to it

You are correct in that most people do meet their next partner while with someone else, but when children are involved, you can’t do anything until you are fully out of the marriage. Everything done and dusted.

Keep your nose clean.

if the other man is meant for you, then he will wait and you can get together when you are both completely free. But I think you know this is not a love story, it’s an escape. And who can blame you for wanting to escape.

Keep your nose clean and good luck x

Is it possible that the attraction (or a large part of it) is the idea of creating an “out” of your own marriage?

If you are not happy in your marriage to the point you are seriously considering launching a grenade into yours, your children’s, your husbands and this other man’s families lives then why don’t you bite the bullet and leave your marriage?

Also I would say it is unfair to not have a serious and honest conversation with your husband about how unhappy you are and the causes of your unhappiness. It’s not fair to expect him to read your mind and it may be that he is equally unhappy with the status quo. Maybe you end up changing things together for the better, you must have had attraction to him in the beginning? Or maybe you decide to seperate.

Your message made me feel abit teary, you're right I've just romanticised him abit because he's shown me abit of attention, it is just a symptom of how unhappy and lonely I am, it isn't the start of a love story

This

It's really horrible and mean to agree with a post that used the 'c' word, I'm not a scummy 'c", I'm a middle aged woman with 2 kids, married for 17 years, I'm really sad and really lonely. I hope you never find yourself in this position and wish you happiness, your agreement to the post has made me want to cry, I probably am a scummy 'c'

Your marriage sounds miserable and I would definitely consider divorce.

I would not pursue a sexual relationship with someone else's husband. It's immoral and it won't make you happy.

If it helps you could turn yourself off him by thinking of him opening a Velcro wallet at a bar really loudly, or running with a backpack or going over a speed bump saying ‘wheeee’

They didn’t say you are one, they are saying you would be one if you had this affair. You don’t plan to have an affair, so you won’t be one

Reading your posts it’s clear how lonely you are. I don’t think it’s this particular man you want, it just seems you want someone to notice you and show some interest and that’s okay to want that. You know going after someone else’s husband isn’t okay, breaking up someone else’s family isn’t right so back off from that man. Create some distance from him and focus on you and your children.

Think about what you want in life, you can’t stay in this marriage forever if you’re this unhappy. Maybe start making moves to end your marriage and once you and your children are in a more stable position then start looking at dating. It might take a while, it will be hard but the fall out from cheating and destroying two families would be worse.

It sounds like you’re coming to your senses about this man at work. I don’t think you deserve people being mean to you. You might want to consider asking for this thread to be deleted. Then start a new thread in relationships to get some advice on leaving your husband. Maybe with a name change.

No your not, your just in a shitty place right now and are daydreaming about something better. If you were the sort of person that poster claims you wouldn't be on here taking the advice that deep down you know to be correct, instead you'd already be having an affair.
Divorce your crappie husband, spend some time on you then find a single bloke who will treat you right

This, plus how will your work colleagues and bosses view you both.

I have found myself in exactly the same position, from the wife’s pov, so I know it’s proper Cuntish behaviour and destroys lives.

But this is how a lot of people will react to you and your behaviour if you do have an affair with this man and break up his marriage, it’ll bring you a lot of vitriol and you’ll be judged negatively by many, so perhaps view your emotional reaction to this post as a wake up call on what you’re contemplating

Of course you’re not, you are only human.

You haven’t even done anything wrong, you’re just playing out the falsely seductive scenario of cheating on your husband in a hypothetical forum to see where it would end up. And now you know. You don’t sound selfish, OP, just unhappy. If only more people were brave enough to fully think through the implications of how their decisions affect others ahead of time.

You deserve more, you sound lovely. Focus on yourself, not trying to get external validation from a man (any man).

This ⬆️
no good will come of an affair
you will tear apart your children and the wife and children of the OM.
Affairs cause a nuclear fallout for everyone involved.
Also have some self respect.
If you’re unhappy then leave your husband and find someone available.

If you're not happy in your marriage, get out.

Your colleagues marriage is not yours to ruin.

You weren’t called a scummy cunt, you were being told that you had a choice to not be that person

And I’ve been the wife - don’t be that person.
You can’t call someone else mean when you’re fantasising about another woman’s husband

I was very attracted to a man at work a few years ago. No wedding ring. Very flirtatious. I am single (divorced/ widowed). Got in texting out of hours. Then I said “I’d always thought you were married” and it turned out he was. And I left that man alone. Despite all his scripts he came out with. Relentless pursuit. Because he has a wife.

Back off this man OP.

A married man is unavailable.

Just one more thing, do you find it hard to end relationships?

I know nobody finds that easy but if you are like me and unable to end things without jumping onto the next thing, deep down picking the grenade option might seem like an easier option than having the hard conversation.

Unfortunately when you are married (and especially have kids) you have to end things properly before doing anything else. It will just take time but you can do it.

Do you have employee assistance program at work, they offer free counselling and it’s confidential. They also offer legal advice.

Get some help and support and you can get through this by yourself, you don’t need a man to help you through this.