Attracted to a married man

[Prontehpronto]

I am very attracted to a married man at work, I am married too. We work from home (diff homes!) and talk alot about work over teams but he makes me laugh a lot and makes me feel really nice. In the office he finds every opportunity he can to talk to me, I know he is attracted to me too from his body language and how close he comes towards me. We both have children. I have been unhappy in my marriage for a long time, my husband works late, drinks, is very overweight and makes me feel lonely and sad, he is verbally abusive and dismissive of me. Im sure im not cup of tea either and thats why he is out all the time. Im just his house keeper and look after the kids. Im quite a high achiever at work and think my husband resents me for that, for my age I suppose im still quite attractive. Even now he is out drinking whilst im alone with the kids. I want to continue to talk to this other guy and would like something physical to eventually happen between us, I think about him alot, I haven't been attracted to a man like this for a long time, I don't think I even fancied my husband this much. I want him to pursue me but also feel very bad and sad, we both have young children. Any advice or stories similar stories please.

Just because you don’t like or want your husband, doesn’t mean his wife doesn’t like or want hers. Please don’t do this to a woman you don’t even know. Leave your husband, by all means, but not with the intention of nabbing yourself a married man.

Are you absolutely sure your work crush feels the same way about you OP? Be a bit careful. I have a friend who’s really lovely and I’m very fond of her, but she does like to fantasise and look for a bit of excitement. She started to get friendly with a man at work, neither were married or had children and she swore there was mutual chemistry. They did both have OHs that they lived with. Cut to the work Christmas party, she got drunk and slapped her male work friend’s bum thinking he would take as a bit of a lark. She got a written warning from her employer for sexually harassing him. Despite being friends and going to lunch together etc he still put in a complaint about her. I was shocked when I first heard but she said HR were very clear that they treat men and women equally and that’s fair enough.

So your life is shit and your solution is to ruin another woman's life by having an affair with her husband? That makes you sound as awful as your husband but in a different way.

No, it’s not “horrible”, it’s the truth. A good human being wouldn’t be considering trying to start an affair with a married man, or admitting they actively want him to pursue them.

Years ago, my ex husband had an affair with a coworker who very much knew I existed. The sense of hurt and betrayal put me into such a dark place, it almost finished me off.

I understand the feeling of wanting to be wanted, but this is not the answer.

Have the decency to leave your husband before you enter into other relationships. Infidelity is awful.
And stay away from married men. A lot of this mutual attraction is probably in your head because you’re so unhappy.

If you are sad and lonely that is entirely up to you to change. You described yourself as a high achiever, attractive, mum to two kids etc, but you can’t figure a way to sort your life out?
Going after someone else’s husband, and child’s father is not the way to win at life. Fix your life first. You are the one putting up with the cheat, drinker, so start there. You need to leave him, work on yourself and take some time out before another relationship. It may just be messages etc, but you know where this heads.

Make sure your partner to be has left his wife before you start anything.

Don’t be ridiculous. A cheating married man is the ultimate slug but that doesn’t make the woman he is with blameless. They may not be at the same level as the slug but they’re definitely a woodlouse.

You cannot solve your unhappiness by inflicting unhappiness on another woman and her children. Sort yourself out then seek an available partner. What sort of man would this colleague be if he was willing to cheat on his partner? Hardly an appropriate partner for you or potential stepdad to your kids.

Yep. Not just cheaters but people who have forgiven and stayed with a cheater. They are looking to justify that choice and will come up with all sorts of twisted reasoning to do so.

Excellent points. If he'll cheat on his wife it's reasonable to conclude he may cheat on her too. She wouldn't really be able to trust him nor could he trust her.

Yes, that is also notable, and truly a sad thing to see.

You're right. And of course the OP would be responsible for destroying her family should she embark on this affair.

I would talk to your new guy about this. I get that you don’t want to throw away the BF s with your dh. An affair can be uber exciting and in other countries or (the 1970s) this would be considered completely and entirely normal. I wouldn’t shy away from your feelings. You do you, and if it’s reciprocated then that’s such good news for you.
bit of a shame for the other lady, but it’s reasonable to assume if you’re flirting and unhappily married he is too. And adults are free to make their own choices in life.
good luck

Are your kids Ur job and your current husband so unimportant and irrelevant to you that you are willing to risk it all for married man if answer is yes. Then it your lifestyle choices but work out who is more important and illicit affair or your kids welfare

I don’t think it’s reasonable to assume he’s unhappily married at all. He might just fancy a bit on the side.

When people have affairs it is often not the first time that one of the people has cheated and very probable that it won't be the last time that either of you will cheat

I have found myself in a similar situation at work.I have 3 young children, work full time and for the first time in a long time felt seen and attractive. I enjoy going into work and interacting with him. It has given me a lift I haven’t felt in years. It’s like I still have a part of me I thought was lost. I know my husband no longer finds me physically attractive (since having our children) despite the fact other men do but this is the first man I have been physically attracted to myself. I am moving departments at work, my own choice as I don’t want to do anything I would regret but I can completely understand why you are so drawn to him, especially when you feel unseen in your own marriage. I just wanted to let you know what you aren’t alone and your feelings are normal ❤️

Yes, you are bad and sad.

Also, you are an adult not a teenager. You can make choices, and bear the consequences of those choices. Stop being so self-indulgent.

but it’s reasonable to assume if you’re flirting and unhappily married he is too

I’m sure in studies that something like 70+% of cheating men claim to be perfectly happily married and in love with their wives. They just also love an ego-polishing and a bit of extra sex/excitement.

Women on the other hand tend not to look elsewhere unless something is missing in their relationship, though I’m sure some women are more like men, and some men are unhappy like women.

Yes it can work out well in the end. But it can be messy, especially if there are young kids involved.

If both people are unhappy, best to first end both marriages and then we how it is.

Don't shit where you eat OP.

This has got to be a joke 😳

Yeah, that person, the one you quoted, is just a fantasist making shit up as they go along, obviously. Trying to get a rise. Bit of a dickhead thing to do, but you get them on this site.