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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it really is a man's world?

303 replies

TreatTreat · 04/07/2025 16:22

We all know it is, but itv1 confirmed it even more for me today by calling the Euros tournament the 'women's euro tournament'. TV stations sure as hell don't introduce men's tournaments with their gender in the introduction.

OP posts:
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HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 11/07/2025 13:07

Bizarre to get worked up over a kitchen cupboard you could have lowered if you were that bothered.

I feel like by focussing on the kitchen cupboard issue you're missing the point but if these things don't bother you - great! That's absolutely your perogative.

FuzzyPuffling · 11/07/2025 13:08

A pub near to where I used to live ( I moved, dear reader, I moved) was advertising that they would be showing "Lady's football" (sic).

GreenGully · 11/07/2025 13:12

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 11/07/2025 13:07

Bizarre to get worked up over a kitchen cupboard you could have lowered if you were that bothered.

I feel like by focussing on the kitchen cupboard issue you're missing the point but if these things don't bother you - great! That's absolutely your perogative.

Serious issues that do genuinely do affect women bother me, such as the current border crisis. But no I don't sit and complain about trivial inconveniences or get incensed that some things are designed with the default male in mind, when these things literally do not affect my everyday life in any way shape or form. Being frightened to walk alone in my home town on the other hand.....

RhaenysRocks · 11/07/2025 13:16

GreenGully · 11/07/2025 12:59

You can be bothered about anything you like but it must be exhausting! I can't say I know one woman IRL who sees this as an issue. But MN is a bizarre place at the best of times.

I'm one, so is my mum. We both have had kitchens altered over the years to make it more usable and always have a kickstool. I have to ask random people to reach down things from the top shelf of supermarkets. It's not a huge deal really but things are just that little but trickier.

fetachocolate · 11/07/2025 13:17

GreenGully · 11/07/2025 13:12

Serious issues that do genuinely do affect women bother me, such as the current border crisis. But no I don't sit and complain about trivial inconveniences or get incensed that some things are designed with the default male in mind, when these things literally do not affect my everyday life in any way shape or form. Being frightened to walk alone in my home town on the other hand.....

I think the point is that the 'trivial issues' all contribute to the default human being seen as male, which is actually very serious - it isn't about the kitchen cupboards, it's the 'male as default thinking' that leads to women's heart attacks not being diagnosed because they present differently from men's, for example.

ThatDaringEagle · 11/07/2025 13:19

I can see it as an omission sure if we now realise that it made a significant difference in car safety for women!? However if it didn't (which I strongly suspect it didn't), it's just bringing up an irrelevant fact to get many women worked up & cause needless debate like we see right on here for instance!!

E.g. BTW, I've since looked it up Males still drive 70% more miles per annum than females on average. So can posters at least see that to this day it would make sense to crash test with an average male crash dummy at least 70% more often??

This percentage was probably far higher when they first designed & regulated for the use of crash test dummies - hence the anomaly- it just reflected the representation of drivers on the road .

P.p.s. if the main reasons women are sadly more likely to get injured or killed in collisions when they have them is because they're more likely in smaller & lighter cars and that they are less physically robust.... then tbh not having a female crash dummy for testing cars back in the day was just irrelevant ,outdated twaddle.

The more interesting question for me, is did the author of invisible women realise this fairly obvious detail but publish anyway.... you decide for yourself.......

VickyEadieofThigh · 11/07/2025 13:22

PeppyRedStork · 04/07/2025 17:45

Of course it is, but I think there's definitely improvement, especially with womens' sport. A few years ago, we'd not even be hearing about the various tournaments.

And I have noticed a tendency to say "men's world cup" etc over the past couple years. It's definitely improving. In fact, I was really pleased at first and now I'm just fed up I'm being forced to watch twice as much football by DH 😂

As an American, living in the UK I would often get "Americans are shit at football" from men who feel the need to say something when they hear my accent down the pub. I'd reply that while the men were shit, the women were the best in the world thank you very much.

They'd usually reply, "but that's just women though, they'd not beat the men"🙄 Funny the way gold medals count when women get them but World Cups don't?

To be fair, the same men are nasty about all women's football, not just the USA team.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 11/07/2025 13:23

GreenGully · 11/07/2025 13:12

Serious issues that do genuinely do affect women bother me, such as the current border crisis. But no I don't sit and complain about trivial inconveniences or get incensed that some things are designed with the default male in mind, when these things literally do not affect my everyday life in any way shape or form. Being frightened to walk alone in my home town on the other hand.....

Like I said, It's possible to be concerned about both. Dismissing what you refer to as 'trivial' concerns makes you part of the problem imo. Even if it doesn't bother you, it's not difficult to understand why it might bother someone else.

I actively campaign and fundraise for domestic violence charities and I have dedicated a huge part of my career to improving employment outcomes and conditions for women. That doesn't stop me being slightly pissed off at the minor inconveniences that could easily be solved if someone had just considered women in the process to begin with. (the seatbelts in my husbands car...I'm looking at you!)

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 11/07/2025 13:24

The more interesting question for me, is did the author of invisible women realise this fairly obvious detail but publish anyway.... you decide for yourself.......

Perhaps try reading the book before commenting on what the author did or didn't say.

ThatDaringEagle · 11/07/2025 13:26

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 11/07/2025 13:24

The more interesting question for me, is did the author of invisible women realise this fairly obvious detail but publish anyway.... you decide for yourself.......

Perhaps try reading the book before commenting on what the author did or didn't say.

I'm not commenting, I'm questioning, there's a subtle difference which I appreciate may sadly be beyond you...

GreenGully · 11/07/2025 13:27

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 11/07/2025 13:23

Like I said, It's possible to be concerned about both. Dismissing what you refer to as 'trivial' concerns makes you part of the problem imo. Even if it doesn't bother you, it's not difficult to understand why it might bother someone else.

I actively campaign and fundraise for domestic violence charities and I have dedicated a huge part of my career to improving employment outcomes and conditions for women. That doesn't stop me being slightly pissed off at the minor inconveniences that could easily be solved if someone had just considered women in the process to begin with. (the seatbelts in my husbands car...I'm looking at you!)

I suppose it is for each of us to decide what we are bothered about. I just couldn't live life permanently pissed off like this.

GreenGully · 11/07/2025 13:30

RhaenysRocks · 11/07/2025 13:16

I'm one, so is my mum. We both have had kitchens altered over the years to make it more usable and always have a kickstool. I have to ask random people to reach down things from the top shelf of supermarkets. It's not a huge deal really but things are just that little but trickier.

How tall are you? We can't have a scenario where the default is to accommodate the minority. You have altered your kitchen, which is what anyone should do if they are that bothered.

fetachocolate · 11/07/2025 13:31

ThatDaringEagle · 11/07/2025 13:19

I can see it as an omission sure if we now realise that it made a significant difference in car safety for women!? However if it didn't (which I strongly suspect it didn't), it's just bringing up an irrelevant fact to get many women worked up & cause needless debate like we see right on here for instance!!

E.g. BTW, I've since looked it up Males still drive 70% more miles per annum than females on average. So can posters at least see that to this day it would make sense to crash test with an average male crash dummy at least 70% more often??

This percentage was probably far higher when they first designed & regulated for the use of crash test dummies - hence the anomaly- it just reflected the representation of drivers on the road .

P.p.s. if the main reasons women are sadly more likely to get injured or killed in collisions when they have them is because they're more likely in smaller & lighter cars and that they are less physically robust.... then tbh not having a female crash dummy for testing cars back in the day was just irrelevant ,outdated twaddle.

The more interesting question for me, is did the author of invisible women realise this fairly obvious detail but publish anyway.... you decide for yourself.......

Oh yes of course - if only a few women got killed why does it matter? It's not statistically significant after all.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 11/07/2025 13:32

I'm not commenting, I'm questioning, there's a subtle difference which I appreciate may sadly be beyond you...

Read the book if you want to know the detail. I'm not doing the work for you.

It takes a special kind of confidence to attempt to critique a book and it's author having never even read it.

fetachocolate · 11/07/2025 13:34

I'm going to stop my pretty little head getting worked up about irrelevant things now and go and have some lunch. Hopefully I'll be able to reach the cupboard!

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 11/07/2025 13:34

GreenGully · 11/07/2025 13:27

I suppose it is for each of us to decide what we are bothered about. I just couldn't live life permanently pissed off like this.

I'm not permanently pissed off. Acknowledgement of an issue doesn't automatically mean anger or permanent annoyance.

ThatDaringEagle · 11/07/2025 13:45

Another interesting one to examine here is perceived danger of being attacked by the different sexes.

Obviously no one wants violence on any person of whichever gender whether walking home at night or getting public transport or whatever . However there is a paradox here, while men 'feel' less threatened they are in fact far more likely to be a victim of a physical assault.

This is in response to a poster up the thread who said she resented her male colleague that he felt safe enough to have a snooze in a taxi to his hotel. He may have felt safe, but feelings aren't always right & are subject to the person feeling them

E.g. This is what Wikipedia says on it:

'Men are commonly less fearful of violent crime than women despite the fact that men are at much higher risk of being victims of violent crime than women.[12][13] This phenomenon appears to be a paradox and is termed by researchers as the "fear of crime gender paradox".[14][15'...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_against_men#:~:text=Men%20are%20commonly%20less%20fearful,of%20violent%20crime%20than%20women.

We had this in our home city, where I served on a board and it emerged that young men were more likely to walk home alone & this was a big factor in why they were getting assaulted more apparently than women who would always insist on walking with a friend apparently....

Violence against men - Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_against_men#cite_note-13

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 11/07/2025 13:51

ThatDaringEagle · 11/07/2025 13:19

I can see it as an omission sure if we now realise that it made a significant difference in car safety for women!? However if it didn't (which I strongly suspect it didn't), it's just bringing up an irrelevant fact to get many women worked up & cause needless debate like we see right on here for instance!!

E.g. BTW, I've since looked it up Males still drive 70% more miles per annum than females on average. So can posters at least see that to this day it would make sense to crash test with an average male crash dummy at least 70% more often??

This percentage was probably far higher when they first designed & regulated for the use of crash test dummies - hence the anomaly- it just reflected the representation of drivers on the road .

P.p.s. if the main reasons women are sadly more likely to get injured or killed in collisions when they have them is because they're more likely in smaller & lighter cars and that they are less physically robust.... then tbh not having a female crash dummy for testing cars back in the day was just irrelevant ,outdated twaddle.

The more interesting question for me, is did the author of invisible women realise this fairly obvious detail but publish anyway.... you decide for yourself.......

What this is also ignoring is that while men might drive more women are more likely to be passengers. It's not just the driver that is at risk but passengers too.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 11/07/2025 13:55

ThatDaringEagle · 11/07/2025 13:45

Another interesting one to examine here is perceived danger of being attacked by the different sexes.

Obviously no one wants violence on any person of whichever gender whether walking home at night or getting public transport or whatever . However there is a paradox here, while men 'feel' less threatened they are in fact far more likely to be a victim of a physical assault.

This is in response to a poster up the thread who said she resented her male colleague that he felt safe enough to have a snooze in a taxi to his hotel. He may have felt safe, but feelings aren't always right & are subject to the person feeling them

E.g. This is what Wikipedia says on it:

'Men are commonly less fearful of violent crime than women despite the fact that men are at much higher risk of being victims of violent crime than women.[12][13] This phenomenon appears to be a paradox and is termed by researchers as the "fear of crime gender paradox".[14][15'...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_against_men#:~:text=Men%20are%20commonly%20less%20fearful,of%20violent%20crime%20than%20women.

We had this in our home city, where I served on a board and it emerged that young men were more likely to walk home alone & this was a big factor in why they were getting assaulted more apparently than women who would always insist on walking with a friend apparently....

Wikipedia and Google AI ...and you accuse us of not present robust arguments.

What is this supposed to prove? That men are violent towards men as well as women? We know that. There is a societal problem of male violence.

fetachocolate · 11/07/2025 13:58

ThatDaringEagle · 11/07/2025 13:45

Another interesting one to examine here is perceived danger of being attacked by the different sexes.

Obviously no one wants violence on any person of whichever gender whether walking home at night or getting public transport or whatever . However there is a paradox here, while men 'feel' less threatened they are in fact far more likely to be a victim of a physical assault.

This is in response to a poster up the thread who said she resented her male colleague that he felt safe enough to have a snooze in a taxi to his hotel. He may have felt safe, but feelings aren't always right & are subject to the person feeling them

E.g. This is what Wikipedia says on it:

'Men are commonly less fearful of violent crime than women despite the fact that men are at much higher risk of being victims of violent crime than women.[12][13] This phenomenon appears to be a paradox and is termed by researchers as the "fear of crime gender paradox".[14][15'...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_against_men#:~:text=Men%20are%20commonly%20less%20fearful,of%20violent%20crime%20than%20women.

We had this in our home city, where I served on a board and it emerged that young men were more likely to walk home alone & this was a big factor in why they were getting assaulted more apparently than women who would always insist on walking with a friend apparently....

It's pretty well known that men are more likely to be violently assaulted.

fetachocolate · 11/07/2025 14:00

@ThatDaringEagle The assault on the man is less likely to involve him having his trousers and pants pulled down and a man's penis being shoved into his anus. If rape were a risk for men in most situations (and it does happen of course), I'm pretty sure most men would want to walk in pairs as well.

fetachocolate · 11/07/2025 14:01

@ThatDaringEagle women are rational to be more fearful because the potential attack is going to be so much worse

GreenGully · 11/07/2025 14:25

@ThatDaringEagle It's hardly a paradox for women to be fearful when men commit 98% of rapes and women make up 94% of rape victims.

fetachocolate · 11/07/2025 14:25

@ThatDaringEagle 1 in 4 women have been raped and sexually assaulted in the UK in their lifetimes, and 97% of UK women have been sexually harassed (according to the UN). 1 in 4 have experienced an abusive - mostly violently so -relationship in the UK, so the fear and potential for rape compound this trauma. It is not comparable to anything that men experience on mass anywhere in the world. This is why we say it is a man's world.

This is not an attack on men - these are just the facts. Be one of those men who can empathise with women and form healthy relationships with them. I can tell you those guys are having a much better time on a sunny Friday than the man who went on MN to undermine women's points about crash dummies. Don't be that guy - it's really sad for you.

MageQueen · 11/07/2025 14:36

GreenGully · 11/07/2025 12:45

Agreed. It is something that has been overlooked for far too long and a genuine aggrievance women should have. Tall kitchen cupboards not so much.

I love this sort of dismissive approach. "Oh, it's not that big a deal". It's like the default way to dismiss the issue and ignore the systemic ways in which women are not taken into account. It's so sad that it's so effective even loads of women buy into it.

I'm not ranting about kitchen cupboards. I'm not campaigning on the issue of kitchen cupboards. I fully accept there are much more important things. What I have been doing however, is using kitchen cupboards as a really great example of the many many things that have been built to suit men, and the dismissive attitude when this is pointed out as yet another example of how women's needs/desires are simply not that considered that important.

As for lowerng it - that's the point. I can't. Becuase it's too expensive to buy custom made cupboards that would fit underneath. Stoves and washing machines and dishwashers are designed to fit under standard height counters, so I can't do it in my current kitchen, even if I had the money. Which is why it's my lottery dream.

@Elbowpatch testing is not being mandated globally yet. Also that link is still using the hybrid III 5 percentile. It has breasts, sure, but it's apparently just a scaled down version of the 50percentile male version so I'm not getting excited quite yet.