Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

I think he blocked them just to not make you overthink the fact that he has always had a type that wasn't you and they exposed that fact.

Massive over-reaction from you both which points to you being very immature and controlling. You’re possibly also a bully too, it’s not unknown. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Huge over reaction on both yours and your boyfriend’s parts…at some point he will want contact with them again and you’ll make it difficult. Best to chat like adults, explain what you heard and why it upset you, and move on. All sounds like you’re after some kind of drama…your BF has blocked them but that’s not enough for you; you want them “held accountable”
All sounds very immature to me

Very cruel and hurtful comment! Your partner needs to man up and talk to his parents about it not just hide! They should apologise and hopefully mean it! Personally I would keep clear from them but be polite if and when (which you will) you see them! If those sort of comments happen again then keep away from them.

@ninetyninedays what they said was absolutely horrible and I understand you packing your things and leaving.
I do think your DP should have left you in the car ready to leave and gone out to the garden and spoke to his parents - told them you’d overheard their conversation and was upset… he should’ve told them you were both leaving, that he needs a few days to calm down and that he’d be in touch…. That way you both would’ve had time to calm down, to think things over, to maybe not make any rash decisions about never talking to someone again.

As for their comment…. Our preferences change, maybe he used to prefer skinny women, maybe he found out that his ‘type’ isn’t really his type and he’d rather have a woman he can have fun with…

My brother went out with a semi professional ballerina for about a year, she was nice, but very quiet! After they split he met his now wife, she’s a larger lady, but absolutely wonderful… we all love and adore her. who he chose as a wife is no one’s business, but I’m so glad he chose her as his wife, I wouldn’t want anyone else as a SIL… fat, thin, black or white - I think we all noticed she wasn’t 7 stone when we met her, I’m sure my parents have made comments out of ear shot of her regarding her size…. But we all love her!…. We couldn’t love her more and wouldn’t change a thing about her.

They were unbelievably ignorant and out of order but you were just as bad in reacting that way and blocking them, as i always taught my child two wrongs dont make a right, people are cruel,if your too fat, too thin,perfect, ginger,speccy,buck teeth,rich,poor.. we all get picked on,,people can be truly awful, rise above it and be the bigger person

Please urge him to tell his parents why you are both upset by their comments otherwise you will be the one being blamed for this estrangement.
He can also point out that meeting you has taught him that beauty is from within and not just looks.
If after this conversation he still wants to cut the out of his life that's fine, but please be an adult about this and have the conversation first.

Of course that wasn't nice to hear. But if you are overweight it isn't good for your health in general. Don't stop him seeing or contacting his parents. But you need not have anything to do with them for the time being at least.

Yeah, there’s no way your 22yo boyfriend has blocked his parents for life.

He’ll be back in contact with them as soon as he needs their help or when you break up, whichever is sooner.

Are you the same age as him?

Sorry but that makes it sound like only slim people are attractive . I'm sure you didn't mean that.

It must have been a shock to hear this but do....Grow up the pair of you. That's simply ridiculous,childish and making a mountain outof a molehill.Get it sorted.

Agreed! Its way over the top what a situation to put the poor guy in

When my parents met my partner the first time, my dad said in the kitchen, well, hes not very good looking, which my partner heard. I then said well i think he is and we all laughed.

Me too, but then I don't have binge eating disorder or food addiction.

I doubt very much you'd tell an alcoholic that they 'just' need determination.

It's not a given that what worked for you will work for others.

Blimey - what an overreaction OP... I get that you are offended but this action is somewhat drastic, hot headed and frankly out of order imo

Honestly, sounds like you’ve got a big dose
of main character syndrome. It’s hurtful,
but seriously you think someone should cut their parents off, over this? As a one-off comment you weren’t intended to hear? I’d also be concerned if you had a partner that could do that. Doesn’t bode well for
him treating you well in future...

This seems a massive overreaction. I wonder how you phrased it to your boyfriend to cause him to block his parents?

Did you tell him that his parents called you fat? Or did you tell him that you'd overheard his parents? Because there's a different story in each of those scenarios which would elicit a different reaction, I think.

sorry I haven’t RTFT. But it’s ok for you to post about them on a public forum but it’s not ok for them to have what they thought was a private conversation about you and their son?

you’re the problem not them.

Wow what a massive over reaction. And I say that as a fellow fat girl. They didn't even express their own opinion on your weight, just surprised as he's obviously led them to have the impression that he hates fat girls, and why he's with one. It was just a question. What did he respond to them when asked? That is more the issue here. Does he really not like fat girls? Would he prefer you were slimmer? What made them have that impression?

You're mad at the wrong people. You should be mad at your boyfriend as he obviously hasn't been honest with you about his preferences.

I can't believe that he would block his parents over this, and that you are refusing ever to see them again. You're not mature enough to be in a relationship.

I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.

are you sure you didn't mishear what they said?

it seems incredible that grown adults would actually talk like that, especially with the person they're slagging off actually in the house, unless they only have 1 brain cell between them.

Yanbu not to see them again.
He is being unreasonable to block his parents without a word

No. But it would work for most people. Do we have to assume that everyone has some issue that precludes them from losing weight? I let the weight pile on - I shouldn’t have, I hated it and it wasn’t me. So I lost it. Took a while to build up to getting it done, but I got it done. More people need to hear that it CAN be done instead of the constant pandering. If you have a dysmorphia issue I am genuinely sorry for you and obviously this wouldn’t apply. But most people don’t have an issue.

What, have an opinion? More fool them when they had the most sensitive woman in the land within earshot.

A hurtful thing to overhear. But the reality of life is that people do make comments about other people in private. You are sensitive about it due to previous experiences which I appreciate. It sounds like it was factual rather than just slagging someone off and name calling. Its unfortunate you heard them discussing your physical shape (more so than looks) and thats that really. The whole leaving whilst they are in the garden and blocking them without saying why in my mind is far worse than them making a factual comment that you didnt like and werent meant to hear. I think its time to apologise to them for walking out whilst they were in the garden and explain why you did it. As you say they are lovely people and will probably be mortified. They are probably also very hurt that their son would cut them off like that for doing what humans do - discussing things and figuring things out. Personally I would also be asking him why they made the comments about 'he doesnt like fat people' - to find out more.