Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

Who hasn’t made an observation about someone in private which would have upset them had they heard it?
This was extremely unfortunate but the way you have both reacted has been mean.

It wasn’t a nice thing to say at all, and you feels sad and hurt which isn’t surprising at all. But you also both sound incredibly immature - I actually feel more sorry for his parents than I do you at this point too because they have no idea what they’ve done and been cut off by their son totally. To me this is a red flag against him! Tell them (or ask your partner to tell them) what you heard and give them a chance to apologise and make it up to you.

He's 22 so I'm guessing you're both quite young. You've made it clear you didn't ask him to block them, it was his choice. Perhaps there is a backstory here you don't know. He needs to speak to his parents about what you overheard and ask them to apologise to you.

im also a bigger lady & im also very sensitive about it. However, the victimhood in this post is off the charts. No one owes you any explanation or apology. Your partner doesn’t have to explain his taste in women previous to you let alone apologise for it. it’s irrelevant anyway because he is now with you.

as for his poor parents. No amount of not asking him to block them or your past bullying gives you the right to expect them to be accountable to you & your feelings. To be honest you sound incredibly sensitive & way over the top, your partner is either very fickle or completely spineless, he has neither confronted you or his parents & had he something about him he’d should of done both. Told his parents he won’t have you disrespected because he loves you & their opinion isn’t warranted & basically told you to grow up. For some one who has been on the receiving end of bad behaviour it’s disappointing to see you aren’t above acting badly to others. If they didn’t like you before I think they’ll have an even more disparaging opinion of you now.

But you ARE big, they were stating a fact. He doesn't normally go for bigger girls, they were stating a fact. They didn't mention your personality, your character or who you are as a person. They have eyes, they can see that you are fat. You know you are fat. Your boyfriend knows you are fat but it doesn't matter to him. OK, it must have stung but it's not worth blocking them and never talking to them again. They made an observation with their eyes that you are overweight, they also made the observation with their brain that as long as they have known their son he was not into fat women so they questioned, between themselves what had changed. Absolutely ridiculous behaviour for stating true facts.

Hmm, his extreme reaction makes me think he DID say something like this and doesn't want his parents confronting him with this. Like, he is worried if he says something to them they will say - come on, you said XYZ and we all know you did.

Shit reaction and shit for you to accept it.

I haven't got the first clue about either of my DSs opinions on the attractiveness of OW women. If his parents know this about him, it's because he's the sort of guy who went around saying 'I'd never date a fat woman'. Which is a...type.

Of course, makes sense now.

@ninetyninedays

Do you plan ob spending the rest of your life with your partner, marriage, kids etc.
if so does this mean that his parents won’t be invited to your wedding? They won’t meet any potential grandchildren ? Won’t be involved in aspects of your lives going forward?
Life is very short , regret is awful, you need to open up communication with his parents and have a conversation- otherwise the long term implications of your over reaction and immaturity could be damaging.

This sounds like an incredibly unhealthy relationship. If they upset you, your partner should speak to them about it like an adult and maybe they should apologise to you. But to block them?? What if he hears you moaning about him to your friends one day? Would you expect him to just walk out and never talk to you again? Anyway they didn't say anything that bad, if you are overweight and he usually goes for slimmer women then it was a private conversation between a couple that were surprised at the change.

So he is 22 and this is true love so he cuts himself off from his family for you. Poor guy, when you split up he will have no one.
You could have just had a chat with his parents instead of run away!
And loosing some weight is also an option.

Oh good grief. You have extremely thin skin. Get over it, you weren’t meant to hear it so it’s not like they said it to your face. They will however absolutely despise you from this point on, now you’ve made their son suddenly turn and cut them completely out of their lives.

Going No Contact with your parents is a last resort and reserved for those adult children who have been mistreated or abused their entire lives by their parents. Not for being overheard calling your new GF fat. You obviously are fat, (you admitted this yourself in your post) so they really didn’t do much wrong, apart from the fact you overheard them gossiping. Everyone gossips. Get over it!

I reckon he has no intention of going no contact, he’s just going to try to keep it from you so no one gets hurt.
Don’t do this, talk and tell him you overreacted.

Sounds like you are very sensitive and it is in fact you that has an issue with your own size. You are over reacting and making yourself a victim. Take positive action to resolve the family situation and to resolve your self image -you will feel better

Too much too soon, and if you are around 22 it's also too young OP. Not even together a year and you've moved and lost your network now he's cutting his parents off over something petty. Just altogether too intense.

I always wondered what that (donut?) was for.

Are we likely to ever hear from OP again or are we ghosted too🤔

This is mad. They said you were fat. You are fat. Why are you upset that someone has stated a fact.

I am sorry this was hurtful but was it the truth? You overheard a private conversation about how you actually look and you took offense? Goodness, he blocked his parents for commenting on a fact (if you are indeed a fuller figure) and he has only known you a year??? A bit intense. You do sound like you are quite needy, to have left everything behind you for someone you barely know!!
he will speak to his parents again don’t delude yourself into thinking he won’t once the dust settles….

She blocked us.

They were out of order but blocking them with zero communication is childish. Get him to speak to them!

Would you have had the same reaction if they had said they were surprised because he usually goes for blondes/brunettes//redheads/black women/white women/short women/tall women/introverts/extroverts? It's never nice to hear yourself being discussed but it was merely an observation and they could have said nice things about you that you didn't hear. I'm sure if they didn't like you they wouldn't have invited you to stay. Maybe you should tell your boyfriend you feel bad about the situation and want him to at least explain what happened. or call them yourself or write them a letter as you know where they live.

I think he should speak to them and communicate in a grown up manner ...yes they are rude to say what they said but allow them an explanation and to apologise.
Blocking absolutely ridiculous without explanation and to say you'll never speak to them again is way too far.

😁