Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

It up to you who you choose to spend time with but I think your reaction to this is ludicrous. Unless you’re not fat, you overheard a private conversation where they weren’t slagging you off, just commenting that you’re not the usual type their son is attracted to physically. You sound very drama and I think you should get over yourself and encourage your DP to apologise to his parents for his unkind behaviour.

you have been big all your life and you heard them say he doesnt normally like fat women.
but he likes you?
he is only 22
unblock them
you are very silly, particulary when you call yourself big

I appreciate it wouldn’t be nice to hear but it sounds like they were just discussing facts. They haven’t done anything wrong in my opinion, an apology that you overheard maybe but then you all just move on. You’re both overreacting massively. I think you need to try and think about why you’re so upset by this, is it moreso because you’re worrying your partner wouldn’t find you attractive after hearing you’re not his type? That’s a conversation for you and him.

Good grief! What they said is very hurtful, however, what you and your are doing is ridiculous. Two wrongs don’t make a right!! Make contact, sort it out and move forward. This is his parents for goodness sake. You only get one Mum and Dad!!

I won’t bother repeating what everyone else has said, it’s off the scale to go ‘no contact’ over this, have you both been on TikTok a bit too much?
But anyway, you say you’ve been bullied over your weight, and now if someone comments on it the reaction is nuclear to the point where people you know are loosing close family. If that’s all they had to say about you, you must be a bit of a size.
How about from tomorrow, have something for lunch and something for dinner, and that’s it. Spend an hour a day walking or swimming. In other words loose weight.

Maybe they had already discussed the other 100’s of things but you weren’t lurking in the next room to hear them……

Kudos? I’ve read some batshit posts on here over the years but this one takes the biscuit. You both need to grow up, fast. You’re big, so what? You want to police people’s opinions of you? Your issue here is whether your boyfriend did indeed once find larger women unattractive and this debacle is just masking that elephant in the room. Ask him, or can’t you bring yourself to? They were previously nice people so I’m sure that hasn’t changed. They weren’t disparaging about you as a person for god’s sake.

Karma is a bitch you know, these things always come back to bite you. At 22 though you’d have no idea of that. Be nice to people, not weird, and if you are worried about being big, try to lose some weight. In the meantime you should at least let these poor people know what they did ‘wrong’.

People used to say, "Have my first ever " and other MNers used to get narked off by use of the phrase, as it was SO OVERDONE.

It's so weird to realise you've been around 20 years. I remember when MN went dead at 11 pm, as it was almost solely a British site, most people had young kids and needed their sleep, and nobody had smartphones/tablets yet, so even breastfeeding mums needed laptops fired up to post and few could be arsed.

It's a different world and a different site, really. Naice ham, pombears and picking up penguins, all lost in the mists of time. Along with She Who Must Not Be Named meaning Gina Ford, and the weird hatred of Capri Suns. Though cancelled cheques still seem to be cited, now and then?

I was thinking the same.

You really are overreacting, op.

If you are that self conscious about being large, why not do something about it. You are young, it is far easier to get slim and fit now than when you're middle aged. I was a fat teenager and very miserable but at 19-20 became quite sylph like and remained so, with no hardship. It did wonders for my self esteem. I eat very well but am careful though less bothered from an aesthetic point of view now I am 'old'. I just want to be able to wear nice clothes and be healthy.

All you need is determination.

As far as your fella and his family are concerned, relent. He fancies you, that is what matters - but I do think moving away from everything you knew to live with him last year was very drastic.

All you need is determination.

Wow.

Patronising, much?

You think it's that easy for everyone because you lost weight once?!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Sorry this is absolutely ridiculous behaviour. You can’t expect this to be the end of your relationship with them and him , his own parents !!!! You maybe are fat and that’s fine just own it!!!!!

You are being totally unreasonable in thinking it's ok for him to go NC with his parents! Unbelievable. Behave like the grown ups you are and ask your partner to speak to his parents to clear the air. It was their private conversation and of course extremely hurtful but from what you've said in your OP they didn't say they don't like you just commenting on your partner's previous preferences.

It was an observation. If you are in fact “fat”, then it was a true observation. Just a conversation between parents re their surprise over their child’s choice of partner, when their child’s type has always been different. You were never meant to hear this private conversation. God, I imagine most couples say worse things every day about other people during their personal conversations! Don’t take him away from his mum and dad, who have probably loved him more than life since before he was even born, for a fair comment made in private.

They barely know you having only met 3 times, so when one asked the other what they thought it was only going to be on a superficial level and in the context of you being with their son, not you as an individual.

If you see this as a long term relationship, failing out with the (future) in-laws after just 3 meetings for something, that while not nice to hear, was minor is ridiculously immature and unfair on your dp.

In fact I would say it is a worrying red flag that he is considering blocking his parents permanently for something like this. In a relationship you need at least one of you that isn't an irrational hot head, preferably two!

They told the truth, it hurt you but the truth often does. Now he has blocked his parents how strange, no idea why when someone says the truth they’d block them.

You sound lovely OP, in that you've clearly never thought or said anything about anyone, that they would have been upset to hear. Go you, for being perfect!

Are you 21?

Oooohh sorry, you could actually be 21. Ok, yes it was a horrible thing to hear, but, blocking is a ridiculous teenage response, as is saying you will never see them again.

Actually, I’ve lost weight through determination too. It can be done. Yay to me!

Cowardly

You know my Mother in law has said some nasty things over the years and if I'm honest I do not like her but I love my husband and she's his mum who he loves. We don't see her often, certainly not as much as she'd like but we do have a relationship and she's able to see her son and grandchildren. It was incredibly insensitive what they said and totally out of order but let them know you overheard and give them chance to apologise. I think if you see a future with this guy as hard as it is you need to allow him a relationship with his own family

OP isn't coming back. She posted in AIBU, was told that she was BU and doesn't like it.

I am struggling to believe this is real? He is going to never speak to his parents ever again and they have no idea why? Because they said something in private that wasnt even untrue? Surely not!

Lord, you are full of BS.

Gawd, another post with adults behaving like children. Is this the future? I don't reckon he's blocked them anyway. They're his parents talking about you, you can block but why should he? Grow up the pair of you.