Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

Made up post, someone wants to be in a certain online newspaper.

On these threads where it's the only one under that user name and they haven't engaged in anyone else's threads either, the OP rarely comes back to answer questions that add more weight to the story, which is what would normally happen when a thread doesn't quite make sense but is genuine nonetheless. And the subject matter or moral dilemma always seems to follow a very similar, dare I say formulaic pattern.

But what is interesting is that on some threads that make you go 🤔because something about them just seems fishy or implausible, if several people express any doubt that it's genuine they get swiftly deleted for troll hunting, yet on other threads they don't..... which sort of tells us all we need to know.

You have mentioned that your partner is 22. How old are you?

I'm convinced it is now some 'content creator's' job to plop these all over MN, to keep traffic moving and get it in the DM on a thrice weekly basis.

Cutting off his parents because of overheard comments about his gf (of a year) is wild work.

I'm sorry you heard their conversation but they haven't actually said anything insulting to you. They were making an observation on his usual type.

You sound quite controlling after reading subsequent updates.

He’ll never see his parents again rather than have a discussion? You sound like children. Are you controlling? How can you say what you’ve said and not think it’s really bloody weird?

It’s happening far too much on MN. It’s really starting to put me off the forum as I find myself questioning too many threads nowadays.

Yep. But no one seems to mind!

WTF?

The parents are entitled to express an opinion, they weren’t rude to you and so frankly they have done nothing wrong.

Walking out and blocking them with no explanation is immature and ridiculous.

Maybe you are fat and just can’t deal with other people’s reactions to that? Are you happy to have destroyed your partner’s family because of your insecurity? Why would you be mad at your DH? You seem to want to lash out at everybody else because you are sensitive about your body image.

FIL once made a comment about my size in front of me and a table of other family members. I was absolutely mortified, furious, I can still remember the stinging feeling over 20 years later. I said nothing at the time as I was too shocked to speak but later asked DH to tell him it was unacceptable. I kept my dignity, he understood what he said wasn’t ok and the family was not ripped apart.

You need to work on yourself physically and mentally, maybe being big is just a symptom of unhappiness? The reaction to this is so disproportionate, and I can't believe your boyfriend has blocked his parents for this. He should have replied asking them to not comment on your appearance and that there are many other reasons why you are in a relationship with someone other than their looks, however not saying anything then blocking them for life is ridiculous.

We need to have a secret emoji or code word to use for when we spot them. Although plenty people openly say on these threads that they don't believe them and unlike other threads MN doesn't seem to delete for troll hunting which leads me to believe they know exactly what the game is. At least they are behaving ethically about that I suppose, instead of cynically deleting people for sniffing them out.

I mind. It bothers me that so many people get sucked in by them, in spite of very little engagement from the OP and the fact that it's always a new poster name.

We should all call them out when we see them. I do. Sometimes I can't be sure, so I give it the benefit of the doubt, epsecially if the OP has responded a few times to questions, but other times it's so obviously fake it's laughable.

There is a certain writing style that goes with these moral dilemma or a WWD? or an AIBU type threads that are probably not genuine. Even the user names seem to follow a bit of a pattern. They don't read like an actual troll or a deluded poster who believes their own nonsense, but something else. A post that has carefully crafted to open up heated debate and divide opinion and hopefully lead to a very long running thread which is likely to end up being shared elsewhere, thus ultimately clickbait that drives traffic back here.

Friday night, bored teenagers in a mates bedroom. There is a pattern

Is this 💩 too obvious 🤔😁

@ninetyninedays I understand this has upset you. But if you're a big girl, believe me, EVERYONE you meet notices it and many of them will have mentioned it in conversation. And, another 'believe me', no prospective parents-in-law have ever resisted the temptation to find something to criticise about their son's choice.

It's a pity you overheard it. Your future children deserve grandparents. Get over it. And, for goodness sake, tell them why you're blocking them! (Though he probably has already.)

Brutal to hear but it's what happens, people talk ask and discuss these things. I'm sure you've discussed people partners and friends compatibility.

Hiya op,

That is a huge ref flag on his part…
You should be leaving him as he apparently treats his parents as shit. They said something really hurtful and don’t come off as nice but his reaction IN FRONT of you was harsh for them and no doubt he could do the same to you. He should really mature before engaging in a relationship. Sounds like love bombing.

so you just left with no explanation and have blocked them?
they didn’t call you fat, they were having a private conversation you were not meant to hear. Also if you are fat, it’s not a lie.. I don’t get it. I think you need to grow up to be honest. You sound like you’re 12 years old

I understand the hurt but I personally would have jumped to a different conclusion. My thoughts would be they are only asking the question because at some point he's made his views clear who and who isn't datable.

The parents were crass but forgivable (if they got the opportunity), the bf on the other hand isn't if he stated this to his folks as a fully grown adult. If it came from the mouth of a teen boy then that's different (different enough).

You are pathetic,cutting his parents out of your lives for a comment you were not meant to hear,no words.

Christ, I love my MIL but she's been a right cow about my weight over the years to my face, never mind behind my back!

No way would I deny DP or DS a relationship with her over it.

DP tells me to tell her to fuck off and then eat cake in her face. He's also happy to tell her to STFU and stay away from me when she's gone too far.

If you want to distance from her that's fine but I'd be putting DP's need to have a relationship with his parents before my feelings.

Blocking seems like a complete overreaction. It's best to address it and allow them to be embarrassed.

(I always thought this was the secret emoji)

Exactly this!!

Yes you are right actually. It doesn't get used as much as it used to. I think it's just meant like 1/10 for effort, rubbish goady opinion, shut up and do away. Not specifically 'my gut tells me this is utter made up bollocks.' I think the often get used for that, offering mock sympathy for a problem they don't believe is real. Perhaps a combination of 💩should cover it.