Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

Utterly pathetic and childish.

How embarrassing.

As a large person, you can't expect other people not to notice you are large.
It's a fact.

So you are of the generation who never says - holy fuck she's fat so have carried on being fat and now someone has said in your ear shot - YOUR FAT and now DP has to cut contact so you can carry on being fat ?

Jesus Christ, Im glad I've not much time left on this earth

My mother in law always comments how tiny I am (all the time, in all conversations and about wedding pics) I believe you should never comment on people’s body’s but I’ve never excepted my husband to cut contact… I just say please don’t comment on my size, and move on. It’s a fact I am small in height and weight.

He’s acting like a dick . You need to grow up too .

Your BF has shown his loyalty to you but he can’t protect you from the world. You have to adjust if you want this to work out.
No relationship will work easily unless you accept yourself and are confident and happy in yourself first. Any insecurities will emerge eventually and cause conflict in some way, as has happened now.

Yes, it was a really hard thing to overhear but was it really said and meant with such terrible malice as to result in being cut off from you both?
Or was it a simple accurate comment which you weren’t meant to hear as they wouldn’t want to upset you as a guest to their home. Maybe you missed the bit where they said how much they liked your fun character and how they are so pleased their son has found somebody so special. After all, it was the second time they had met you and you thought they were lovely and you were all having a lovely time. They liked you enough to invite you, after meeting you the first time. And you liked them enough to accept their kind invitation.

They came in from the garden to find you both gone and have no way of being able to find out if their son is ok. That must be torture for any normal loving parents and you should be urging your BF to contact them immediately to let them know why you both left in that very unreasonable way without a word.
They will be devastated to know you overheard their private conversation.

I think you have to realise that this resulting situation is not what they intended and that wanting to teach them a lesson about what they say in their private conversations is only heading for more upset and trouble. None of us can police other people’s private conversations.

Give them a face to face chance to explain themselves OP, and to show their regret. Build bridges with them instead of hating them and wanting to punish them. Encourage your loyal BF to talk to them and express his hurt too.
I’m sure that this can all be put right with an adult conversation and a decent attitude from you all.

You're controlling and I hope your boyfriend dumps you before he ends up isolated from his network. This is what emotionally abusive people do and you've got all the hallmarks of one.

No, this ship has long since sailed. They stormed out and blocked his parents over a comment overheard in a kitchen where they actually talking about their son's preference for women who are not fat.

There won't be any bridge building or "regret" from his mum and dad, they are most likely livid. If they'd brought it up at the time they may have apologised, but now - I'd say the chances are around zero.

Her best hope is if he asks them nicely never to mention it again and they all move on as best they can, least said soonest mended.

I can’t believe you think it is in any way appropriate to leave “while they were in the garden” and then block them and not even tell them why. Massively hurtful and a huge overreaction on your and your boyfriend’s parts. It was a private conversation you weren’t supposed to overhear. They didn’t insult you to your face.

I can understand you being hurt but this is incredibly childish and cruel reaction. You should be encouraging your DP to speak with his parents and tell them what happened and how hurt you were. You should not drive a wedge between your DP and his parents. Particularly as all they seem to have done is quoted what they believed HIS views to be, so presumably that’s what he has said in the past.

I used to have a friend that was very scathing about fat people. If he had hooked up with someone who was overweight I would be surprised and might say the same as your DPs parents, even though I do not share those views at all (and am currently fat myself!). You are punishing them it sounds for your DPs old (presumably) views.

The boyfriend gains security that his parents won't slip up & say anything else embarrassing they know about him & she gains confidence that she's with somebody willing to put her first...

OP you need to address the real elephant in the room did your partner dislike overweight women ? Are his parents toxic by nature ?

Normalizing pathology is mean. Encouraging health is kind

wtf! That doesn't make what they said ok. Making disparaging comments about your possible FDIL's looks is absolutely disgusting. This is the woman your son loves and you can't see beyond her looks. They sound incredibly vapid, shallow, judgmental, pricks. That's putting it mildly.

And his parents are much better making comments about the woman he loves? What about their behavior isolating him away from the woman he loves

Bit of an over reaction. If his parents were commenting that they were surprised he had gone for a redhead/blonde/brunette because he has said previously he didn’t like whichever and you were that colouring would you want to never see them again? The sensitivity about your size is on you.

It's the new way of dealing with absolutely everything difficult or remotely confrontational. Everyone is obsessed with 'protecting their boundaries' to the point that no-one can forgive, let something go for the sake of an easy life, see nuance or context, debate or agree to disagree. Just cancel, flounce, go No Contact, walk away and ignore forever more. Absolutely ridiculous.

If my DH or I had done this every time one of the other's family or friends had irritated us or disappointed us in some way we'd have absolutely no family or friends left and I'm sure they'd say the same about us.

Anyway, I simply don't believe it. It sounds like yet another thread designed to discuss people's attitudes to obesity.

Imagine, the two of you decide to have a baby.
You are going to go through a LOT of doctors/midwives if you take this attitude with them- because they will say you are overweight/obese/morbidly obese without batting an eyelid because ITS TRUE.
Are you going to stomp off and never speak to them again too?

The pair of you need to grow up. You being fat is the truth and your issue to solve. You being bullied because you are fat is no excuse to punish his parents.

i feel immensely sorry for this young man’s parents who have been treated appallingly by two immature people.

No reply from the OP?
Hmm.

Wow. My husband and I have been through far more with his parents and he would never just block them like that. How odd.

I don’t agree.
There is always hope to make things better.
If I were the parent in this situation, I would move heaven and earth to make things right with my son so that we could resume normal loving contact.
That ship would never sail without me putting things right.

And I would very much regret that I had hurt his GF too, making long term effort to reassure her.

I wouldn’t be so much livid as heartbroken and worried about what had happened.

He should message to explain. "Hi Mum and Dad. We snuck off from yours because Ninety accidently heard you say I said I'd never date fat girls. I know I did say it, probably enough for you to really think it was a thing. But it's gonna get me in trouble with Ninety if she knows. Luckily she hasn't thought it through and is stuck on hearing you guys say it. Haha! So, to keep me in her good books I've made this big thing about you being the bad guys so she thinks I'm totally in her corner and forgets that I said that stuff. Clever, eh? Lol. I've said I'm done with you. Don't worry though, you know me, I say a thing, then change my mind and say another thing, so in a couple of weeks I'll be speaking to you guys again. Don't worry it'll be awkward with Ninety, cos I'll probably block her at that point and tell you she forced me to block you. Haha! Lots of love Bitofatwat."

Sure. This totally happened.

I’m sceptical this is even real. Absolutely no one would block their parents vowing to never see or speak to them again over this (assuming this is a one-off). And no girl or boy friend of one year would say I’m never seeing or speaking to your parents ever again over this (especially considering on her one and only previous visit they were lovely) . It’s bloody nonsense.

Standard procedure with these 'new user name' threads lately. You get one or two responses if you are lucky, just to attempt to convince us it's a genuine post because there are so many and they follow such a predictable pattern that we are spottng them far too easily.