Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

Exactly, I only have one sodding eye and a massive scar running down my face.. I’m pretty sure when I’ve been introduced to new people they’ve discussed it out of earshot, that’s normal.
As you can imagine having one eye meant I was abit bullied at school, that doesn’t mean I get to spend the rest of my life so sensitive that I can just cut people off this easily.

Sorry, I don't believe this.

This

OP the parents need to be unblocked. You are being ridiculous and I mean that kindly.

Massive overreaction. You both just walked out without a word, then he blocked them because you were upset.
If he'd spoken to his parents at the time I would be more on your side but by behaving like this you both sound awful and immature.
What if one of his friends said something you didn't like? Will he have to block them too?
You might not have asked him to block them but you clearly think he should have done.
Think you both need to grow up.

Bloody hell he has cut his parents off for saying that, when they thought you couldn’t hear? That’s rather extreme and dysfunctional. Even more so you left without saying goodbye? For them to comment must mean he has been vocal about it in the past.

For once, a partner who sticks up for their other half! That deserves a celebration.💯

Look, your chap wouldn't have done that if they didn't have form. He might not be able to talk about it, but they didn't go from loving parents to blocked in one day. I'd leave it - that sort don't learn anyway. I've got a father who will never, ever learn. I think in time your partner will probably tell you some awful shit from his life with them, but my DH has known me for 7 years and I don't think I've covered it off either - not beyond the twattish stuff he says nowadays that my DH witnesses.

Just revel in that level of support - it is so refreshing to read.

It doesn’t reflect well on his parents and assuming there is some truth in it, it doesn’t reflect well on your partner. So yes, you probably should be asking him, although how anyone aged 22 has had time to establish some lifelong huge preference is one of the reasons I question his parents comments.

There is a more significant problem though. IF this thread is genuine which I doubt. Your partner so abruptly saying right no contact means that either there is a huge backstory he has kept from you, or he is really quite mentally unstable, or quite unkind, or very possibly told you what you wanted to hear because he loves a drama but doesn’t mean a word of it. I suspect the last. I guess it is also possible that he just agreed and left in a rush before any confrontation about it could prompt his parents to give evidence of his dislike of larger women! He wouldn’t want that.

You never deserved to be bullied and I am so so sorry, I am also so sorry you had to overhear these comments because while it may be simply factual, it sounds like their approach in context was quite negative. This is not the way though. He shouldn’t be cutting parents off over this, that is absurd. Absurd OP.

You've both behaved very childishly. It was a private conversation that you overheard and overreacted to. It sounds as though he's always dated slim women and now he's deviated from his usual "type". Your insecurities are the issue here, they didn't go out of their way to say something hurtful to you, they were having a chat between themselves and didn't expect to be overheard.

You seem like hard work and I think your boyfriend will regret this decision.

What they said was cruel, and it’s okay to feel hurt and confused. But your partner chose you — he stood by you and cut them off. That says everything.

He has definately made a tonne of comments about overweight women before that he now doesn't want you to know about, so he has blocked his parents.

I feel bad for his parents, OFC people discuss new partners of loved ones. They should have been more careful about being out of earshot but they do not deserve to lose a son over it.

I think you both overreacted so much.

I am a fat woman and I am certain people have discussed this when I am not around. By chance I have never heard this - but I'm sure it happens. Perhaps DH's parents or friends even said it about me and I wasn't aware. It wouldn't have stopped me seeing them. Maybe awkward or hurtful, but if they are otherwise decent, it's not enough to ruin a friendship or relationship.

This is OTT

What on earth are you reacting like that for? Yes it's not nice to hear, but they didn't know you would hear, and were just talking about something they were surprised about. They didn't say you were horrible, just stated a fact about your size and surprise as they thought their son had a different preference.

Given your partner has reacted like this you can safely assume he really likes you, but take some time to calm down and get him to ring them and explain what you overheard and how upset it made you, then move on from it.
Cutting parents off for this is extreme, imagine how your partner would feel years down the line if he actually didn't see them again over one silly comment.
And I also wouldn't want to be with someone willing to do that, what will happen when you slip up and say something he doesn't like?

Massive overreaction on both your parts. Fat isn’t a nice word but if you are overweight and be has previously said he hated overweight women then they were just stating fact.

I sympathise with the history of being bullied. But I'm now terrified of raising my son his whole life only for him to block me over something as simple as this.

Try to put yourself in their shoes. Surely you've had conversations about people in the past that you wouldn't want them to overhear? But you still wouldn't want to hurt them, right? It sounds like they were just stating a fact between themselves which they are entitled to do. It would be weird if they didn't speak privately about this, if it's something out of the ordinary for him.. I know you're hurt, and understandably so, but it's not like they said it to him to try and turn him against you, or said it to you to offend you? I can't even imagine the lifelong pain of being blocked by my son. Everything that I put into bringing him up since birth, and the love I have for him, and our memories and relationship we built over all those years. Just like that? Noone is perfect. Surely they don't deserve that?

This is understandably a very hurtful thing to hear and I do completely understand why you’re so upset BUT it says more about your current partner than it does his parents.

It would have been better for him to own it, and walk into the kitchen and declare his love for you to parents and list all the reason he has fallen in love with you and how he should never have been so closed minded before.

Then you all move on and you own being the woman who made your partner grow up.

I mean... he's obviously said it to them before 🤷‍♀️

Let's say your partner is bald.

He overhears them saying 'she doesn't normally go for bald men so I'm surprised she's started seeing him'.

Are you blocking your parents?

How pathetic. Grow up, tell them you overheard if you must, let them apologise at least. Or just forget about it? Who cares that they think you're fat? Why on earth does it matter??

What other people say about me is none of my business. This is my new mantra in life and it has helped a lot.

Can you honestly say that every conversation you have ever had about anyone has been complimentary. If you are larger than his normal girlfriend, surely it is okay for them to make that observation. And I say that as someone morbidly obese. You were not supposed to overhead that. You could ask him to talk to them about it or you could just ignore it and move on with life but there should be no expectation that he cut off the people who raised him, love him unconditionally and will be perplexed and heartbroken if he no longer sees them.

Massive immature over reaction. If you don’t like being fat take what action you can to do something about it. Take care of yourself and build some genuine confidence. Meantime take a long hard look at where this relationship is going. Talk to your boyfriend and try to build bridges with his folks.

What they said wasn't nice but your partner's reaction is a huge red flag.

If he will cut off his parents without a word for doing something he disagrees with, how do you think your relationship will end up? Are you really ok being with someone who is likely to ghost you if you upset him? Leave you on a whim if he's offended?

If he can disappear on his own parents this easily then he is likely to do the same to you once the honeymoon period ends. Whatever you do, don't have a baby with someone so immature.